AIBU to feel confused about terminating pregnancy?

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I had an abortion two weeks ago and I’m feeling quite confused about my decision.

On one hand I recognise that it was for the best - I’m 26, have only just finished uni and am on a one year graduate contract. The baby would have been born the week my contract finished. Not finishing the contract/having a 6-12 month break meant I would have found it difficult to find employment once I was ready to go back to work. I was born into a somewhat unstable situation myself and the repercussions of this meant I sometimes felt unsafe as a child. I desperately do not this for my future children.

On the other hand I feel like I was not very courageous in my decision making. Boyfriend is very supportive and loving, would make an excellent parent and we intend to get married and have children anyway. I have always wanted to be a mother and I feel ‘clucky’ even now after what I chose. I fell pregnant with a copper IUD in that had otherwise not failed me in 2.5 years so part of me wonders if this was supposed to be and I’ve ruined it.

Has anyone else felt so mixed up after a termination? Did you come to terms with it?

The best advice I got was from my mum, she told me "it's just the hormones". I am sure someone will come and tell me how dismissive I am being, but I truly think it was. After a few months I felt completely normal and at peace with my decision. It has been over 20 years and I have only ever thought it was the best decision for me. (I also went on to have amazing children with my new much better boyfriend and the happiest life)

There's no right or wrong way to feel after a termination - how you feel is reasonable and valid because it's how you feel. It sounds like you were very rational and sensible in your decision, and there's nothing wrong with feeling it wasn't the right time to have a baby. You made the right decision at the time for you. I have had a termination myself and although my feelings at the time were different to yours it did still take up space on my mind, but three years on it's something I rarely think about. Were you offered counselling? It might help to talk through your feelings with someone?

You've taken a decision made for sensible reasons, and that is entirely your business. Your hormones will make you feel confused for a week or two but it will pass. I hope you feel better soon