Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP

30 replies

TryingMyBest79 · 12/12/2017 21:54

It's my DP's son's 19th birthday at the weekend. We don't live together but have been together 4 years.
AIBU to be upset that he has bought his son a birthday card and says I can't sign it, I have to get a separate one for him?

OP posts:
Frederickvonhefferneffer · 12/12/2017 21:57

Yabu. Just get your own card.

RJnomore1 · 12/12/2017 21:58

Yanbu. What a weirdo.

I think you need to reevaluate your position in his life.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2017 22:02

Depends on the sons feelings about you to be fair.

If the son can’t stand you then I think he is reasonable.

If rhe son is happy about your relationship and sees you as a solid couple, then he is unreasonable.

Cantuccit · 12/12/2017 22:07

After 4 years?! That is very off.

I'm guessing he's a dick in other ways too?

Osolea · 12/12/2017 22:09

He just wants to get his son his own card, probably one that says 'Son' on it. It's not a reflection of how much he loves you, it's just a fact that the person receiving the card isn't your son.

jingleberries · 12/12/2017 22:11

That's weird! Very very weird. Have you asked him why??

Izzy24 · 12/12/2017 22:13

I don’t think that’s odd at all .

Dippysnowoman · 12/12/2017 22:14

My dp doesn't put my name on cards to his son's either because they usually have 'son' on and I'm not their mum. It never bothers me though.( I also don't sign his cards to mum or dad cause their not my mum and dad)
Guessing that's why OP.

oliveinacampervan · 12/12/2017 22:15

I could understand it if you had been together 3 months, but 4 years?! Confused

I don't think he is really that much into you OP. Sorry.

I would be seriously considering whether I wanted to stay with this man.

Migraleve · 12/12/2017 22:15

Pretty standard imo. It would be different if you lived together as a family unit. What's wrong with you buying his son a card?

curryforbreakfast · 12/12/2017 22:19

yabu. Why would you sign the mans card to his son? It's probably a "To my Son on his Birthday" type card, and he is not your son.

Mooncuplanding · 12/12/2017 22:23

Sorry but it wouldn't cross my mind to be on the same card

I am in exactly same position as you btw

Sorry.

Elefant1 · 12/12/2017 22:51

I have been with my DP 5 years, we don't live together. My DD will be 20 soon, DPs name will not be going on my card to her and it would not occur to him to ask. I have not put my name on any birthday cards to his family either, it would seem odd, we also buy separate Christmas presents for each others children.

Jux · 12/12/2017 23:00

A card from his dad is a special one. Send one for yourself.

MiraiDevant · 12/12/2017 23:13

Completely understand. I never sign cards to my friends from Mirai and DP - the card is from me. DP and I always sent separate cards to our children from when they were 1. I say what I want to say - he does it his way - it was and still is a lovely thing.

dancinfeet · 13/12/2017 07:53

YABU. Surely the card from his dad will have 'son' on it? My ex P and I always sent separate cards to each others kids

LizzieSiddal · 13/12/2017 07:57

The card may have “son” on it

You don’t live with your partner.

He may want to write something private in the card.

ladybug92 · 13/12/2017 08:00

Are you married and have kids? If so, he is BU. The message will obviously be in his handwriting so son will know who wrote it.

Before I married my DH and had DD he always wrote a seperate card to DSDs to me (mainly at my insistence that they'd want something from their dad only while, I was still new on the scene)

Now that DD bonds us all there is no point in seperate cards. Especially not at non major bdays for almost adult kids.

Glumglowworm · 13/12/2017 08:29

YABU

my mum and her partner often send me separate cards because he’ll sign generic ones but he doesn’t sign “dear daughter” ones. They do live together and I get on well with him. If he doesn’t sign one from my mum he does send one from him as well.

curryforbreakfast · 13/12/2017 08:59

Are you married and have kids? If so, he is BU

Considering the OP says they don't even live together and he's a P not a H, I'm going to guess no.

Why do people answer without even the slightest grasp of the question? What's the point of it?

ladybug92 · 13/12/2017 10:24

@curryforbreakfast
A lot of people refer to their husbands as partners...I wasnt sure. And on here I have noticed married couples can live apart.

I have learned to never assume anything with blended families :)

scottishdiem · 13/12/2017 10:53

Unless you have been totally the mother he has never had for these last four years I think it's very presumptuous given you don't even live with his dad. What other little things upset you?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/12/2017 11:17

Do you normally sign the same card as your DP or do you normally send your own

peachgreen · 13/12/2017 12:09

Presumably it's a "son" card, so it wouldn't be appropriate for you to sign it.

ToastyFingers · 13/12/2017 12:13

It depends really, Does his son like you? Do you often spend time a together? Does he send you a birthday card?

I really dislike my mums partner, and i cringe when she signs his name on my birthday card.