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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP

30 replies

TryingMyBest79 · 12/12/2017 21:54

It's my DP's son's 19th birthday at the weekend. We don't live together but have been together 4 years.
AIBU to be upset that he has bought his son a birthday card and says I can't sign it, I have to get a separate one for him?

OP posts:
Frederickvonhefferneffer · 12/12/2017 21:57

Yabu. Just get your own card.

RJnomore1 · 12/12/2017 21:58

Yanbu. What a weirdo.

I think you need to reevaluate your position in his life.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2017 22:02

Depends on the sons feelings about you to be fair.

If the son can’t stand you then I think he is reasonable.

If rhe son is happy about your relationship and sees you as a solid couple, then he is unreasonable.

Cantuccit · 12/12/2017 22:07

After 4 years?! That is very off.

I'm guessing he's a dick in other ways too?

Osolea · 12/12/2017 22:09

He just wants to get his son his own card, probably one that says 'Son' on it. It's not a reflection of how much he loves you, it's just a fact that the person receiving the card isn't your son.

jingleberries · 12/12/2017 22:11

That's weird! Very very weird. Have you asked him why??

Izzy24 · 12/12/2017 22:13

I don’t think that’s odd at all .

Dippysnowoman · 12/12/2017 22:14

My dp doesn't put my name on cards to his son's either because they usually have 'son' on and I'm not their mum. It never bothers me though.( I also don't sign his cards to mum or dad cause their not my mum and dad)
Guessing that's why OP.

oliveinacampervan · 12/12/2017 22:15

I could understand it if you had been together 3 months, but 4 years?! Confused

I don't think he is really that much into you OP. Sorry.

I would be seriously considering whether I wanted to stay with this man.

Migraleve · 12/12/2017 22:15

Pretty standard imo. It would be different if you lived together as a family unit. What's wrong with you buying his son a card?

curryforbreakfast · 12/12/2017 22:19

yabu. Why would you sign the mans card to his son? It's probably a "To my Son on his Birthday" type card, and he is not your son.

Mooncuplanding · 12/12/2017 22:23

Sorry but it wouldn't cross my mind to be on the same card

I am in exactly same position as you btw

Sorry.

Elefant1 · 12/12/2017 22:51

I have been with my DP 5 years, we don't live together. My DD will be 20 soon, DPs name will not be going on my card to her and it would not occur to him to ask. I have not put my name on any birthday cards to his family either, it would seem odd, we also buy separate Christmas presents for each others children.

Jux · 12/12/2017 23:00

A card from his dad is a special one. Send one for yourself.

MiraiDevant · 12/12/2017 23:13

Completely understand. I never sign cards to my friends from Mirai and DP - the card is from me. DP and I always sent separate cards to our children from when they were 1. I say what I want to say - he does it his way - it was and still is a lovely thing.

dancinfeet · 13/12/2017 07:53

YABU. Surely the card from his dad will have 'son' on it? My ex P and I always sent separate cards to each others kids

LizzieSiddal · 13/12/2017 07:57

The card may have “son” on it

You don’t live with your partner.

He may want to write something private in the card.

ladybug92 · 13/12/2017 08:00

Are you married and have kids? If so, he is BU. The message will obviously be in his handwriting so son will know who wrote it.

Before I married my DH and had DD he always wrote a seperate card to DSDs to me (mainly at my insistence that they'd want something from their dad only while, I was still new on the scene)

Now that DD bonds us all there is no point in seperate cards. Especially not at non major bdays for almost adult kids.

Glumglowworm · 13/12/2017 08:29

YABU

my mum and her partner often send me separate cards because he’ll sign generic ones but he doesn’t sign “dear daughter” ones. They do live together and I get on well with him. If he doesn’t sign one from my mum he does send one from him as well.

curryforbreakfast · 13/12/2017 08:59

Are you married and have kids? If so, he is BU

Considering the OP says they don't even live together and he's a P not a H, I'm going to guess no.

Why do people answer without even the slightest grasp of the question? What's the point of it?

ladybug92 · 13/12/2017 10:24

@curryforbreakfast
A lot of people refer to their husbands as partners...I wasnt sure. And on here I have noticed married couples can live apart.

I have learned to never assume anything with blended families :)

scottishdiem · 13/12/2017 10:53

Unless you have been totally the mother he has never had for these last four years I think it's very presumptuous given you don't even live with his dad. What other little things upset you?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/12/2017 11:17

Do you normally sign the same card as your DP or do you normally send your own

peachgreen · 13/12/2017 12:09

Presumably it's a "son" card, so it wouldn't be appropriate for you to sign it.

ToastyFingers · 13/12/2017 12:13

It depends really, Does his son like you? Do you often spend time a together? Does he send you a birthday card?

I really dislike my mums partner, and i cringe when she signs his name on my birthday card.