Very good friend never sends Christmas/birthday cards ..aibu to think it's a bit cheeky?

[Anabana3111]

Been friends about 17 years but she's always been about herself,only chats if conversation is about her etc or wants a favour.
Anyway her birthdays she always leaves me to plan something ...last year I organised a cocktail making class and went to the venue and decorated it with balloons and banners and baked a birthday cake.
I've never recieved nothing ..not even a happy birthday.
I get her a gift too.
Anyway it's my birthday on Christmas Eve,I suggested if before Christmas is too busy shall we go for some food and a couple of drinks in January.
Nothing,just changes subject.
Then mentions she's out at the weekend.
I send her a text yesterday saying what's your address and il send you Xmas card (we've both moved in last few months so house numbers /postcodes I've got no clue)
She replies "thanks ..then address"
She doesn't ask my address or even mention my birthday ..again.
I'm not about money or gifts,I would pay for my own meal but just to be acknowledged.
When she didn't even ask for my address for a Christmas card too ...icing on the cake.

Stop doing anything for her and if she asks why explain that you were fed up of it all being one way. It's likely the friendship will fizzle out if you stop but at least then you'll know where you stand.

This begs the questions...why are you friends with her? She clearly isn't at all interested in you, just bin her!

This is not a friend. Amazed it's taken you 17 years to spot this.

Honestly? I couldn’t be friends with her. Friendship is give and take isn’t it.
What does she give you in reality?

Stop.

What are you doing all this for? Friendship works both ways. Just stop being such a doormat.

I threw a friend a birthday party at my house. On my birthday I got a text.

The friendship ended in an awful argument a few weeks later and because of little things like that I realised I don't miss it.

Are you seriously thinking this is a friend?

Stop doing it then OP.

She isn’t a very good friend. She’s just using you. Move on.

I think it's because I only have about 5 -6 friends so don't want to throw them away.
I know she's not a proper friend.
Next year I won't be doing anything for her birthday.
I just feel so worthless,like I don't matter.

Depends on how exactly she is a "very good friend". If she drops everything when you're in trouble, supported you through a long illness, stood by you when you were imprisoned for fraud or something like that, then I'd overlook the cards/general self-centeredness. If not then stop.being.a.mug.

Deffo non of the above.
She's been doing something very badly against another friend so I don't know why I'm shocked.
I know I sound bitter ..but that's because I am.
Not in general just with her ..sick of feeling like a fool.

One if the reasons you feel worthless, is tbat you are doing things for people who do not appreciate you.

Maybe read up about self esteem, you are a lovely person.

X posts

5-6 friends is pretty normal isn't it? And why would 1 of them being a tosser make you worthless?

She's no friend! Bin her and put your energy into finding nicer friends.

I've learnt my lesson now.
Stick with my actual friends.
I think my self esteem is rubbish to start with

I just feel so worthless,like I don't matter.

Prioritising someone who sees you as an option will do that.

She’s not your friend, friendship is a two way street and in this case it’s one way traffic. If you put half as much effort in cultivating real reciprocal friendships, as opposed to artificially propping up this contact, you’d be better off. Fear is driving this contact not genuine ‘I want to spend time in your company’. Everyone is responsible for their part in their relationship dynamics, only you know why you’ve chosen to play the desperate puppy.

I'd call her out on it. There's no friendship there so there's nothing to risk by challenging her.

I think things have run their course, this women is not your friend.

Yanbu. She sounds really rude and inconsiderate.

My best friend and I never exchange cards or gifts on our birthdays, but that’s by mutual agreement.

You’re not worthless, but you don’t matter to her!

Not sending christmas cards is a non-issue.

Not remembering your birthday when you threw her a full-on party, is an issue.

Shes been telling you for 17 years that she doesn't do xmas and birthdays yet you are still doing it for her and complaining? You might want to pick up on subtle messages a bit quicker!