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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask what happens when you die?

433 replies

TeaAndAMarmiteSandwhich · 11/12/2017 22:58

... or more accurately, what you think happens?

I really really don't want to die (a good thing I guess! As I wasn't too bothered either way as a moody teen, but now I love life most of the time and want to hang around).

It's comforting to think there's a heaven, but I don't believe there is (and I'd probably get bored if I had to stay there for EVER). But when u die - is that it? Game over ? I'm not too keen on that idea either.

What do you think happens? and what would you like to think happens? Hmm

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 12/12/2017 19:08

I died (and got brought back obviously) 2 years ago. I felt/dreamed/hallucinated like I was with my son I'd lost a few month prior.

I had took a massive load of diazepam though so it might of been down to that.

It's natural to want to see lost loved ones, I really hope I do but I lost my faith a while back.

BelligerentGardenPixies · 12/12/2017 19:09

Maybe our conciousness goes on. Maybe there are more adventures to be had outside of this plane of existence, I dont know. I'm open to that idea but I also have no problem with the idea of just ceasing to be, I won't know so there is nothing to fear.

I do fear dying in extreme pain and I also fear leaving my children whilst they are still young but I don't fear being dead, whatever "being dead" means.

AhNowTed · 12/12/2017 19:14

Nothing. You've died and that's it. Like every other creature on this earth.

I'm happy for those that believe in their god and if it gives them comfort, but frankly I realised a long time ago that we are here by pure accident, and to make the best of it for the time you have, because that's it.

Seriously my comfort is derived from the point of view that I know this is it, and I'm not looking for some greater meaning to my life. This is it and that's all there is to it.

And I'll do my best by me, my kids and family in the meantime.

Eolian · 12/12/2017 19:16

If we'd all been improving things every time we got a new life, since the beginning of time, then surely we'd all be pretty much perfect by now!
Do you really believe everyone's soul has been in multiple previous bodies? So your own child (if you have dc) isn't really an original and unique person, but a new body with a recycled soul in it? Presumably new souls must be created though, as there are so many more humans in the world than there were hundreds or thousands of years ago? I find in genuinely astonishing that people can believe in these things!

Gottagetmoving · 12/12/2017 19:16

Apparently, energy never dies. We are all energy so in that sense we don't die. The personality that is you ceases to exist in the form that we know.
If you can't remember life before birth, that's because you didn't have a life, so when you die...your life has been and gone.
Not worth worrying about...enjoy your time here.

SciFiFan2015 · 12/12/2017 19:18

I'm absolutely terrified of dying. To the point that about 20 messages in I'm almost at the oh my god stage. Not a panic attack but bloody close. I have a strong sense of self, of me, of my identity and I'm terrified of not existing any more and the world and universe going on without me. For millions and millions of years. My fear/terror started when I was 8 and my Mum died suddenly. She just stopped existing. I cope now by turning off the cycle of thoughts and by living the best life I can. I also pour love into my DS and DD. I'm loving the idea of thinking about the mitochondrial DNA. I also love the idea that energy never ends. It changes. I want to believe in something else, that'll I'll be reunited with loved ones and in time my own children but I don't know how. Reincarnation also scares me.
I hope to be old, happy and relatively healthy when the time comes. Either sleeping. I also sometimes think that the reality I experience will end when I do and I won't be there to experience it anymore!

Eolian · 12/12/2017 19:19

I think a lot of what puts people off considering something other than this so called material world is when words like "god", "he" and religion are used, well, it does/did me anyway.

Not me. In fact if anything I understand the need for organised religion (which brings structure, culture and social cohesion, in spite of its many and terrible downsideds) much more than the tendency towards vague spiritual beliefs.

Esspee · 12/12/2017 19:23

"Game over" describes it perfectly.

slinkysaluki · 12/12/2017 19:27

My husband passed away very suddenly at the age of 51 in September. I used to be totally open minded regarding spirit and the afterlife but I'm sure if my husband could he would have made his presence known, he hasn't yet. I don't know what to think. It's a comfort to think there is a place where we all meet again in spirit but perhaps that's wishful thinking.

PinkFlamingo888 · 12/12/2017 19:30

I believe ( I don’t really believe it that strongly but I like the idea) that we go back to the beginning. Like when you rewind a video tape and you just start over again, near enough exactly as you did the first time round. You don’t remember it of course but there are certain elements that trigger something (ie. deja vu). I really hope there is a heaven though because I’d do anything for another cuddle from my Granny.

LoafEater · 12/12/2017 19:34

Loads happens after you die. Nothing of it involves you!

notgivingin789 · 12/12/2017 19:35

This thread has me in chills.

Vitalogy · 12/12/2017 19:38

Not me. In fact if anything I understand the need for organised religion (which brings structure, culture and social cohesion, in spite of its many and terrible downsideds) much more than the tendency towards vague spiritual beliefs. There's so many inconsistencies in a lot of the religions though, things have been changed to suit whoever wanted to control. A lot of it just doesn't make sense to people. "Vague spiritual beliefs" So you'd consider that following a religion is better than truly knowing and using yourself as the measure.

buttercupmeadow · 12/12/2017 19:40

bahaiteachings.org/does-human-consciousness-prove-that-god-exists
Can we really take it for granted?

TheOtherGirl · 12/12/2017 19:40

I believe it is just the same existence as before you were born. Just nothing. And that's fine. You won't know anything about it.

But I really, really don't want to know I am dying, thank you very much. My Mum knows she is, and she is frightened and it's awful to see.

But, if DH had died before me I wouldn't be afraid because I wouldn't be remotely interested in a life without him in it.

If we'd both lived to a ripe old age, I would want to die one minute after he did, feeling very grateful for a good life, well lived and well loved.

RosyWelshcakes · 12/12/2017 19:44

When you die that’s it. There’s nothing. And even though I’m currently keeping a vigil at my friends bedside, she could die at any time, nothing about seeing her approaching death has changed my mind about there being no heaven or hell, and that death is everything just ceases to be.

liz70 · 12/12/2017 20:11

What I have experienced proves that there is continued consciousness following physical death.
What I cannot do is prove that those experiences happened to me. No can do, not possible. People can either believe me or not and there's not a shred I can do about that.

mossyroundhill · 12/12/2017 20:11

I always think of this story when I stop to wonder what happens after we die-

www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html

midnightmisssuki · 12/12/2017 20:13

Brother always says ‘wormfood’ if I am buried. I think nothing happens. You just cease to exist. Life carries on for the living. You just stop.

malmi · 12/12/2017 20:15

Our personality, our memories, our loves and hates, our secrets, our morality, our sense of humour. Everything about us is stored in the brain. This is extremely clear. It's why we lose memories and have changes in personality when the brain deteriorates or is damaged. When the brain dies, we die with it. To think otherwise is wishful thinking. If we actually existed externally to the brain then we wouldn't need a brain. We are biological creatures who developed through the process of evolution, an essentially mechanistic process. We're not magical.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 12/12/2017 20:17

I’m not sure. I believe in heaven but not the white cloud kind. I think outlet soul/energy goes back into a collective of good energy evil people go to a bad place. If our energy is not 100% good I think that energy is bounced back to earth til we become good enough to stay in that collective energy. But I don’t think we are meant to know or understand. My DS often talks about being in heaven waiting to be born.

Vitalogy · 12/12/2017 20:18

What I cannot do is prove that those experiences happened to me. That's right but if other's are open and want to know they can.

NooNooHead · 12/12/2017 20:19

Since my DB has passed away this year, I’ve thought quite a bit about death and dying.

I’m prob more an atheist than agnostic but if i’m completely honest, the idea of ceasing to be does freak me out at times. I’m pretty certain that when we die, that is it - just like going under in a general anaesthetic. Having had three GA and passed out once, I can safely say that there was nothing there and I don’t remember a thing - but also thar it didn’t scare me in the slightest as I had no awareness of it at all.

I’m more scared of literally ceasing to be completely, and during moments of real terror and deep thought about it, I do temporarily become agnostic as a way of comforting myself.

Since watching my DB die slowly (but thankfully not painfully) of cancer, I am in agreement with PP that that process of dying is the most scary thing - death itself doesn’t scare me as much, if it is anything like before I was born.

I do realise though that I wasn’t officially actually dead during a GA and fainting, so I can’t be certain or conclude that it was exactly like death of course.

I do wish there was more after death, as I would do anything to see my grandparents and DB again. I get some comfort knowing that I loved them as much as I could during their lives, and I had told my DB everything I wanted to say before he passed away.

The most comforting thing I remember when my DB was in the hospice was going out of his room and saying goodbye, before we went home for the evening. We both looked at the each other and I could see in his eyes that it was his way of saying a final goodbye to me. I will cherish that memory of him forever, and if there isn’t life after death, I know my memory of him lives on through that moment.

MsHarry · 12/12/2017 20:20

It's like a leaf. It buds, it unfurls, it lives It's life and then it wrinkles and withers and falls. Then the cycle begins anew with our children and their children...

This

liz70 · 12/12/2017 20:20

"If we actually existed externally to the brain then we wouldn't need a brain. "

Again, I could relate an experience that proves otherwise, but I would probably be wasting my time, because as I said, the accusations of "that didn't happen", "prove it" etc. would come flying, and I can't prove that it happened, so there would be an end to it.

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