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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bullying Neighbours

27 replies

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 18:22

I have a property that is accessed by an easement down a shared driveway. My neighbours will not allow me to put a sign on the end of the easement driveway (as they own the land) unless I buy the really expensive sign that they have decreed I must have. I already have a sign that i bought that was on the gates previously, its perfectly adequate, small and wooden, but they said its not aesthetically pleasing enough. My deliveries are going all over the place as sat nav does not bring you to my home. They are such bullies - its a fortnight before Xmas and i just can't afford anymore expenditure. Just ranting - there is no solution - they are just so depressing!!

OP posts:

ApplesTheHare · 11/12/2017 18:26

Sounds like a tough situation OP but I'm not sure it counts as bullying, and I say that with the hope of making you feel better rather than worse. If the gates are their property it's fair they have a say about what kind of sign is put up. Properties with this kind of access are always a nightmare so think you have to either try and see where they're coming from and move on mentally or attempt to move house.

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 18:54

I'm just doing the head in the sand and ignoring them. Trying a bit of stiff upper lip. The humiliation of not being able to afford the sign, and therefore having to forego any direction to my property at all is so crushing. Being the "poor" neighbour is horrid - didn't think this sort of thing happened in the UK.

OP posts:

ApplesTheHare · 11/12/2017 18:58

Can you save up for the sign over a few months and then put it up? In the meantime, you can usually add extra delivery notes online if you have an awkward address. We live on a private road with a postcode that satnavs don't recognise so we always make the extra effort to add a note or email the company.

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 11/12/2017 19:04

I don’t think it is bullying. If it is legal (is it?) then I think whilst it does seem unfair and stringent, it is probably up to them what is attached to their property.

Where exactly is the sign to be placed? On a wall? A gate? On their building? A prominent place?

FrogFairy · 11/12/2017 19:13

Until you sort out your sign, you could use collect+ or Hermes parcel shop when possible for your parcels.

Fantasticmissfoxy · 11/12/2017 19:16

They're not being bullies - you're taking this way too personally. They have every right to want a sign that is in-keeping with what is already there if they own the land the sign is to be erected on, having loads of different styles / fonts looks terrible. How expensive a sign are we talking about? Would they let you put up a temporary one if you agreed to take it down at Christmas?

LookingForwardToChristmas · 11/12/2017 19:20

Which deliveries are you having an issue with? Can you make sure that all online deliveries have an extra sentence added in to explain where your property is or else contact Royal Mail the companies direct to ask for a note to add to your account for the drivers? Alternatively, you could arrange for things to be delivered to your office, a friend of family member’s address, collect things or else pay for a mail box. It’s annoyingly but it might relieve some of your frustration.

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 22:02

I do take it personally - they can't direct their demands at anyone else. Whilst I am educated at this moment in time I'm a carer for my 94 year old MIL so am at home all day. The sign they want me to buy is £110 - I just wanted to use the old sign again - its pretty pointless sat in the utility and its not exactly "neon flashing lights" - just a small wooden sign with my house name and a pony's head - no bigger than A4. The sign was to be placed on a piece of fencing that I paid for in the summer - the new land owner has said he would rather tear down the fence than let me put a sign on it and establish a right - I daren't even try for fear of reprisals. The drive only leads to me there are no other properties up here. I do try and put extra notes on deliveries, we are a farming area and I'm surrounded by countryside so its easy to get lost and inevitably some of them do go astray especially as the sat nav for my post code takes you to another farm up the road.

OP posts:

dontbesillyhenry · 11/12/2017 22:04

The sign you want doesn't say 'casa BevRon' does it?

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 22:13

nothing as exotic i'm afraid!

OP posts:

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 22:21

I will bide my time - perhaps in the future i will be able to instigate a few changes. i feel bullied because they have told me that if i don't buy the sign they want, at the price they have decided upon, i cant have a sign at all - it seems unfair - i paid for my property and should be allowed to have an informative sign on the road side directing visitors to my house which is hidden from the road up a long drive. They have chosen font, size and price regardless of my circumstances. My old sign is smart and it never caused a problem previously and would not impede anyone now - but hey ho - life is a bitch.

OP posts:

ApplesTheHare · 11/12/2017 22:38

How come you had to pay for fencing for their land? That seems a bit weird. More weird than them wanting signs to be in keeping with what's already there. Did they move into their property recently and has there been a history of disputes over the easement?

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 23:15

they moved here about 12 months ago. I asked if the driveway gates could be moved further into the driveway as we were having to stop on the main road, get out of the car leaving car half on main road, open gates, drive car in and the get back out and shut them for access and egress. Just a poorly designed entrance way that, as on a country road, was not benefiting from street lights or pavements and was subject to quite a few crashes and speedy drivers. We both paid for the moving of the gates and they were very engaging at the time although now they have had a complete sea change and have said they would rather give me the fencing posts then allow me to put up a sign - "because of the aesthetics". The husband is a bit dramatic - it would cost him more to remove the fence posts than what it would to buy my sign himself and stick it on his fence. Looks wise, the drive is a pot holed track, running out of gravel, full of puddles and surrounded by ordinary fields in the middle of nowhere - i feel their motivation is more to do with being difficult than looks. There is no benefit to them if i have no sign - it makes no difference to their lives. i am under the impression that whilst they were aware of the easement they didn't realise it would actually be in use - it goes right through the middle of their property - but they knew that when they bought it. However, the easement is fine - i can travel up and down with no problem and always have done for the past 5 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 23:24

A friend, who is a local property solicitor, told me that the neighbors cannot remove the fencing that i contributed to as i have an "interest" in it - however the hassle to establish such rights seems more trouble than it would be worth. All work was done on a friendly basis although i do have receipts and the guy who did the moving is a good friend. I think the aggro would outweigh the benefits so i will just go without a sign and try and keep the neurotics happy! Perhaps they will calm down and not get so worked up over such a trivial issue as house signage in the future - who knows?

OP posts:

PoshPenny · 11/12/2017 23:32

Can you not just agree with the other people that you promise you will buy the sign after Christmas when you're a bit more flush and in the meantime your old sign goes back up until the new one is delivered.

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 23:36

I asked to put the old sign back up - and got told no way and that I must transfer them the money for the new sign by Thursday or forfeit any sign at all. I am afraid i am browbeaten now - i hate confrontation!

OP posts:

Original poster

pandabear1 · 11/12/2017 23:39

hopefully, if I need any emergency services they will be able to find us ok without any road signs - my MIL is always missing the chair!

OP posts:

Fantasticmissfoxy · 11/12/2017 23:55

Could you put your sign with an arrow below it on a small post on the opposite side of the road? Most verges are council / LA owned and they can rarely muster the energy to care if a small house sign is planted. If you put the post in a 'sleeve' it could be removed for grass cutting etc

Original poster

pandabear1 · 12/12/2017 07:26

Thats a grand idea! im going to speak to my Councillor today and ask her advice. I know the chap who owns the field opposite the drive so he might help me out. Many thanks

OP posts:

Pickleypickles · 12/12/2017 07:33

Can you put you adress on deliveries like
2 the road
Behind 1 the road
Road street
AA1 5AA
We have customers who write adresses similar so people can find them.

Kingoftheroad · 12/12/2017 07:45

Oh this is an absolute shame. I feel so bad for you. Having neighbours like this is no joke. So selfish and awkward. How horrible, asking you to transfer money to them when they know you're struggling.

I'd be tempted to start a "parcel gate" conflict but this is just not worth the stress. I really hope that you can come up with a solution that works for you.

ApplesTheHare · 12/12/2017 09:14

Yeah trying to make you buy a sign by a certain date, etc., is incredibly unreasonable. Hopefully putting a sign up nearby will help!

It sounds like they've got a bee in their bonnet about the whole situation tbh, but worth remembering for future that they will have saved some money on their property due to the 'inconvenience' of the easement. There's a landlocked house inside our land and the owner has an easement so both our properties are devalued as a result. It would be worth checking what's in your deeds if you haven't already. Our deeds are clear about who can do what with the land, though the owner of the other house doesn't abide by the rules and tried to sue the previous owners of our place for additional rights. He lost the case due to all his evidence being paper thin so I'd keep a record of examples of how you use the land if you plan to try and formalise that when you're feeling a bit stronger.

Original poster

pandabear1 · 12/12/2017 09:42

Thank you for your kind words - they aren't very nice people to be honest. I've checked transfer deeds and i have rights to pass over the easement however I'm aware things like this, just making life difficult but not actually impossible, are classed as "trivial" matters in law terms and rarely make it to litigation as they are so expensive to forward. Mediation is the key but they are intransigent. Its all their way or the highway. They moved from the town and i don't think country life is quite what they thought it was going to be - its nothing like Emmerdale

OP posts:

Giggorata · 12/12/2017 09:52

I wondered if you could paint something (discreet and tasteful, of course) [on] the fence.....

thetemptationofchocolate · 12/12/2017 10:01

I'd be tempted to put up a sign somewhere on my own property. If your door is visible from the street, then maybe a six-foot long sign above the door. With neon paint and flashing light perhaps :)
Your neighbours may prefer your original suggestion after a couple of weeks of looking at a six-foot neon sign...

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