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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say that in general men tend to cheat more often than women?

40 replies

QueenAmongstMen · 11/12/2017 17:59

Me and DH have been watching a film where in typical cliche style the guy has an affair with a much younger colleague whilst his wife is sitting at home.

I passed a comment that it's always the same old story, men cheating on wives, men cheating on girlfriends etc etc

He said that I was wrong and women have just as many affairs or cheat on their partners just as often as men do.

We had to agree to disagree.

I know women do cheat but I'm right, aren't I?

OP posts:

TrinitySquirrel · 11/12/2017 18:33

Nope you're not right OP.

Men are just more likely to get caught. More women are having affairs and one night stands.

I also guarantee at least one woman in your social circle is having it off with one of your friend's husbands. Or has had in the past.

ThisLittleKitty · 11/12/2017 18:33

Men cheat more IMO. Most men I've been with cheated on me and all female friends I know have been cheated on at some point. One friend I know her ex slept with 17 women whilst with her! (She found all the pics on his phone)

LaurieFairyCake · 11/12/2017 18:38

CountFosco

Maths doesn't mean they cheat at the same rate . In marriage or long term relationships men cheat double the percentage of women.

They're not necessarily (obviously) cheating with other people that are in relationships- they're cheating with single women or prostituted women/escorts.

VioletDaze · 11/12/2017 18:42

2016 stats (found online, not sure how good the study is):

In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating.
22% of men say that they've cheated on their significant other.
14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.
36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker.
17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a sister-in-law or brother-in-law.
People who have cheated before are 350% more likely to cheat again.
Affairs are most likely to occur two years into a marriage.
35% of men and women admit to cheating while on a business trip.
9% of men admit they might have an affair to get back at a spouse.
14% of women admit they might have an affair to get back at a spouse.
10% of affairs begin online.
40% of the time online affairs turn into real life affairs.

I'm not sure about those stats as I think they seem to add up to 100% of affairs being with co-workers which I'm not convinced by. But eh. They seem to say that men cheat more often.

Humpsfor20yards · 11/12/2017 18:44

I hate generalising like this, but ime, men in their 40s and 50s cheat more than women of the same age.

It was different when we were younger.

noeffingidea · 11/12/2017 18:45

According to gay men it's quite common for married (straight) men to cheat with men, as well. I don't if this happens with women.

oliveinacampervan · 11/12/2017 19:31

Yeah I know a fuckload of women who have been cheated on by their man/men, and on some occasions, more than once, with several different women. They do it, coz they can, coz they think it's their right, and because it's 'natural' for a man to wanna spread their seed! (I have actually known a man say this - a b/f of my friend - when he was caught fucking another women.')

Women on the other hand will cheat much less often, (in general,) and it will be (as I said earlier,) because she is unhappy in the relationship and possibly being treated like crap by her man. Women don't cheat when all is good in the relationship; men do.

This is all true, despite the MRA's on here saying differently. Sometimes, when I see people on here fervently defending men, I swear it must be men saying it. And it's the same people who claim it's perfectly ok for a married man to have a close, personal, flirty relationship with a single female (colleague or friend,) and any 'wife' who is upset about it is clingy and needy and is going to push him into the other woman's arms!.......

Weirdly, they never defend any married woman who has a very close relationship with a male colleague, when a man comes on here saying his wife is getting up close and personal with a male colleague, and it's upsetting him.

oh wait... Yeah, that's coz that NEVER fucking happens! It's only married MEN who have close, cozy relationships with female 'friends' and colleagues. Married women never do!

Original poster

QueenAmongstMen · 11/12/2017 19:46

I also guarantee at least one woman in your social circle is having it off with one of your friend's husbands. Or has had in the past.

Say this is true - but it was still the man involved who was doing that cheating.

I agree with the idea that men cheat simply because they can whereas women tend to cheat only if they're unhappy.

The 100's and 100's of threads we see on MN about women being lied to, manipulated and being cheated on by their OH/DH is astounding and I just cannot believe men are just as likely to be victims of such deceit.

OP posts:

usernameinfinito · 11/12/2017 19:54

Men are usually very obvious when they are cheating. Usually they do it because they can and it’s there, sort of what you would do eating the whole bar of chocolate instead of a slice, that compulsion. Women are more intelligent when they cheat. Usually because they are unhappy in their relantionships (often sexually frustrated). And they keep quiet if they do, they do not brag like men do.

Fitbitironic · 11/12/2017 19:59

The only stats you can be sure of are those you've seen demonstrated first hand yourself, and one and social circles the only cheats I know of have been men. Because they had more opportunity, seemed to care less about their partner and dc (in the 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her' way), and I've also heard the 'it's natural for men to have more partners than women' excuse firsthand. Not after you're in a ltr though, you twat!

Fitbitironic · 11/12/2017 20:00

Oh, and none of those men were discovered cheating through bragging.

Humpsfor20yards · 11/12/2017 20:17

Obviously maths tells you that heterosexual men and women must cheat at the same rate

What?

hattyhighlighter · 11/12/2017 20:18

17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a sister-in-law or brother-in-law.

I know of more women who have cheated than men, but then I know more women than men. It's a stereotype to assume men always cheat with single women.

oliveinacampervan · 11/12/2017 20:24

I also guarantee at least one woman in your social circle is having it off with one of your friend's husbands. Or has had in the past.

@Queenamongstmen

Say this is true - but it was still the man involved who was doing that cheating.

I agree with the idea that men cheat simply because they can whereas women tend to cheat only if they're unhappy.

All of this. Good post. Especially the last paragraph .............

Yeah a few women do cheat ... but no WAY do women cheat, deceive, lie, flirt, play away, and have close intimate 'friendships' with men (when they are happily married,) as much as men do it with other women!

Lots of men in relationships/married men, do all of the above (with women.) Way way way more than married women do it with other men!

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 11/12/2017 20:30

Men cheat and women cheat.i suspect more men cheat because they have more opportunity genetally. I actually think the stated stays probably underreport the cheating - I’d definitely say this is higher with professionals in the 40-50 age bracket. But quite frankly gobsmacked re the bil and sil stats. That’s nearly 1 in 5. So it’s statistically happening in 1 in every 3 couples!!!!!!

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