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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my neighbour - noisy kids

50 replies

AmiU · 11/12/2017 17:28

Hi all,

I've been mulling this over for a while and I'm still not sure if AIBU or my upstairs neighbour is.

To give some context, I live in a tiny London flat in a busy area in a purpose built building above a commercial premises and next to a train station (I know, fml) with a DS3 and a DS2. It's certainly not how I planned to bring up my kids but I'm doing the best I can.

Recently my upstairs neighbour, a very muscly young man, came down and demanded to speak to my DH as he 'didn't want to talk to me (I.e. a woman)'. He feels that my DS2 is too stomp-y and causes vibrations to travel up the walls to his flat and disturb him from '7 am till 7 PM'. These vibrations prevent him working in the evening. I was taken aback, apologised and offered that he text us any time he's sitting down to work so I can be extra vigilant of the kids.

The thing is, I believe very strongly that having children is a lifestyle choice and other people should not be put out by my decision to have kids. The kids aren't allowed to run or jump in the flat and I enforce it as best I can, but the 2 yr old does need reminding every day. I think it mainly happens when he gets excited bout something in another room, like bath time or DH coming home, and runs to the other room. Otherwise, it's just him walking around.

I appreciate my neighbour has a right to enjoy his flat but I feel like I'm living on edge stopping every little noise. AIBU?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 11/12/2017 18:16

Some people leave their kids to it and don't try to settle them. Not everyone is super mum like you

I never said I was super mum Confused

Some people do leave their children to it when they're having a tantrum. Sometimes the best tactic is to ignore, sometimes it's better to try to calm them. It depends on the situation. Either way, I doubt the parent is leaving them to it because they are enjoying it.

Madampsycho · 11/12/2017 18:17

You live by a train station, and he's getting huffy about a toddler walking loudly.

The fact is you live in a noisy area and in flats. Anyone that lives there needs to accept that they will have to put up with some noise.

Living in a flat you should be considerate of your neighbours to an extent, but you have to still be able to live your life normally within your own home.

Your ds has a right to he excited and have fun in his own home, tell the neighbour to fuck off, your not doing anything unreasonable. If he complains again threaten to buy your kids drums.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 11/12/2017 18:19

Pure LOL at your two year old being able to stomp so loudly it vibrates upstairs! He’s a proper idiot.

RestingGrinchFace · 11/12/2017 18:20

Who in London is both employed and at home before 9:30?! At any rate you have been very reasonable-there is little more that you can do beyond moving out.

Nyx1 · 11/12/2017 18:22

are you sure he's not hearing noise from a different flat? We live in a block of flats and noise travels weirdly.

thank you for saying that about lifestyle choice and for living so considerately - I have been told that we don't allow DC to "express" themselves in trying to keep them quiet but even before DC, I just believe in being considerate and there's a lot of noisy fuckers in the world

MaybeDoctor · 11/12/2017 18:22

It is 'domestic noise' but I think there are things you can do to help:

Try a mat with a rubberised underlay - perhaps those foam 'jigsaws' that you can get in ELC

Pull furniture slightly away from the walls

Stand furniture on felt or rubber feet

Remove things that are clangky or metal

More soft furnishings

No shoes indoors

Hope that helps and that relations don't deteriorate.

Original poster
AmiU · 11/12/2017 18:25

Thanks everyone for your messages, I was just off having a frantic tidy up of my ----tip flat

The other thing that just unsettles me a bit is that when he came down, his fist was bandaged. He showed it to me and said that the noise from your son makes me so uncontrollably angry that I put my fist through my own wall and broke my hand?

Reasonably I know it wasn't a threat, but I did still feel a bit threatened as I'm sometimes alone for weeks on end with the DC whilst DH works away.

OP posts:
Nyx1 · 11/12/2017 18:25

Resting "Who in London is both employed and at home before 9:30?!"?

um...shift workers?! and probably anyone who works even slightly outside the 9-5?! and people who work at home....

Fekko · 11/12/2017 18:26

He sounds - challenging. How was your other half with him?

WildRosesGrow · 11/12/2017 18:26

Killerfiller - feel free to disagree but just to call my opinion 'Stupid comment' is really rude.

Having children is necessary for society to continue. Calling children a 'lifestyle choice' gives people like the OP's neighbour the justification for behaving in a self entitled manner, as he has done. Children impact on the rest of society, it doesn't mean that we should all stop having them, if we did then the human race would die out.

Nyx1 · 11/12/2017 18:26

Ami "The other thing that just unsettles me a bit is that when he came down, his fist was bandaged. He showed it to me and said that the noise from your son makes me so uncontrollably angry that I put my fist through my own wall and broke my hand?"

x post. completely different situation. this guy is a danger and menace and I have to start my shift now - but other posters will have advice? That WAS a threat, sorry.

Original poster
AmiU · 11/12/2017 18:27

Maybe Doctor, thanks for the practical suggestions. We already do no she's indoors, felt pads for furniture etc but I hadn't thought of pulling furniture away from the wall, I might as well try it and see if it helps.

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 11/12/2017 18:38

Having children is necessary for society to continue. Calling children a 'lifestyle choice' gives people like the OP's neighbour the justification for behaving in a self entitled manner, as he has done. Children impact on the rest of society, it doesn't mean that we should all stop having them, if we did then the human race would die out.

Literally nobody has children because they're worried about the human race dying out. Of course it's a choice.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 11/12/2017 18:39

That's a pretty big and relevant piece of information you forgot from your OP.

I'm out.

BringMeTea · 11/12/2017 18:47

Best drip feed ever. Grin

Killerfiller · 11/12/2017 18:48

Surely he should be the one doing the sound proofing not you if his upstairs.

He probably has no rug or carpet. That's his problem.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 11/12/2017 18:49

BringmeTea. Ain't it just.

ArcheryAnnie · 11/12/2017 18:49

I too live in a flat, and don't enjoy noise from neighbours - but your neighbour is being an arse. There's a limit about how much noise he can hear from two little kids who live in a flat below him running about.

And living in a flat is compromise. If he really thinks that noise from 7 am to 7 pm is unbearable, then he doesn't know what neighbour noise really is. And it doesn't make much sense as he, too, is living next to a train station, which presumably is noisy during the day, too.

Him not wanting to speak to you, and jumping on purpose to make a noise, is just him being a colossal dick.

Original poster
AmiU · 11/12/2017 18:50

Sorry, didn't mean to drip feed, I just didn't want to put all the focus on him being a bit aggressive, I wanted to figure out how reasonable his underlying complaint is.

There are more bits of relevant informations:

  • he has asked before. When my older DS was 1 (so 3 years ago) I used to put on nursery rhymes and he would bop along. Neighbour complained and I felt that was completely reasonable, I hadn't realised how sound carried upstairs, so I've not put on music for the kids since to avoid any bouncing/ dancing. That was literally the only other time anything was said.
  • we both own. When we first moved in, he was a student and would have loud parties every weekend. We never said anything as they weren't out of control, and since DH and I were out most weekend and aren't too sensitive to noise, they didn't bother us. Now that's he's employed and settled down the parties have largely stopped (two or three a year)
OP posts:
Original poster
AmiU · 11/12/2017 18:51

Archery Annie, that's what I feel. It's not like we live in a lovely, silent rural part of the world. The trains run every 10 minutes!

OP posts:
Boys123 · 11/12/2017 19:34

He sounds absolutely bonkers. Muscley with uncontrollable anger and jumping up and down and breaking his hand smashing a wall in a rage. Shock My money is on him being on steroids. I'd be logging a call with the local police in case it escalates. The behaviour and visits while you're home alone with small children sounds very intimidating as well as being very aggressive.

ReallyJustBloodyDidThat · 11/12/2017 19:52

My upstairs neighbours do little to control their kids. The 4yo runs, stomps, races cars on the laminate flooring, drops marbles etc. And cries uncontrollably on an almost nightly basis, as they keep him up 'till almost midnight, and you can hear how tired the poor mite is. They play very loud nursery rhymes for the baby almost 24/7. Dad shouts all the time, and if he was speaking English I would be able to understand every single word he says. Mum starts vacuuming dragging chains about at 8am - at least 5 times a day - sometimes the last session is at midnight.

I did the whole reporting to the council thing, keeping a record etc. I was then basically told that they have a right to live their lives and the kids are allowed to be kids, and there was nothing they (the council) could or would do about it. They firmly stated that no action will ever be taken about kids making a noise, as kids are kids, and that's a part of it.

So your neighbour will be on the losing side if he tries to go through 'official' channels. I just hope for your sake he doesn't get aggressive with you Sad.

Original poster
AmiU · 11/12/2017 20:11

Thank you. I'm sure he won't get aggressive. I sorry for the drip feed, but my past (which I will not get into here) does mean that I'll accept aggressive situations as 'normal'. It's actually quite alarming to hear that most people would view his behaviour as a threat.

OP posts:
oblada · 11/12/2017 20:13

Do consider putting music again for your kids! Not all day long but once in a while, they'll love it, its great for them and arsey neighbour shouldn't stop your kids being kids!!

Chrys2017 · 11/12/2017 20:56

Sound tends to travel down not up!

Uh... incorrect. Sound travels in concentric circles in all directions away from the point of origin.

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