To not put up Xmas tree today because of dd's behaviour

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Dd (5) pushed 2 y o brother into a tv unit this morn when they were trying to get same toy- all happened in slow mo couldn't get there in time stop him catching his head and he's got a gash there- luckily didn't need stitches. Dd was upset and apologetic but she can be rough with him and we've been talking about this.
Anyway we did have a nice snow day planned (no school) Xmas film and put up tree etc but now I don't think this should happen Dh thinks I'm being harsh.

It was an accident I take it you are fed up of her behaviour ? but not doing the tree and xmas film is meaning the toddler gets left out as well as Dd

She pushed him to get to the toy I don't think she meant to hurt him but I've told her so many times before not to be rough as it could really hurt him.

What do you do after you have told her not to be rough? Time out? Take away toys?

I'd still go ahead with the day as planned. Surely the 2 yo will enjoy hanging a few baubles. And it sounds as though it was thoughtless and accidental rather than malicious. She must be pretty shaken up about it herself.
I had a rule when mine were little that anyone who pushes past someone to get something waits until last.

Time out normally- today I just had to get ds down to dr with dd in floods of tears so I haven't actually punished apart from making her say sorry to brother and explaining again that she can't be rough with him, it's dangerous it's really hurt him and be more careful in future.

She just doesn't know her own strength I think finding a word to use with her when she is being rough might help like be gentle dd might work better and i know he is only little but try and not blame her for every squabble iyswim

Last year I had put the tree up ready for the dc to decorate. Their collective behaviour was so poor, it came down again for the weekend.

The 2 yo won't have much understanding. However if the 5yo has been looking forward to it, then delaying the decorating might help reinforce the message that she can't be rough and still have all the nice things.

If the tree going up was a reward for previous good behaviour, then you need another sanction.

I don't think I would put it up today. She is 5 -old enough to understand you don't push and shove. She has had prior warnings. Today she hurt her brother enough for a doctor visit. I wouldn't shout and scream at her, but I would sit down with her one on one and explain that this isn't how to behave and that you would be saving the tree for when her brother felt better.

Well I think instead of cancelling christmas tree, you need to escalate your punishment or change tactics.

You need to deal with it now, as the longer you wait, the more she wont see it as cause and effect. Do time out. But also explain that she is losing X toy this week (Ipad, legos etc- something significant but not her teddy bear/cuddly sleep toy) as you have already had time out about this. And next time she loses X AND Y toy.

Deal with that first. And then let it settle for a little bit, and then do christmas. But don't give in to losing the toy.

The natural consequence would be she doesn't get the toy and doesn't get to play with her brother.

Yabu

She should be nice to her brother because it’s the right thing to do, not because she gets something in return.

To be honest she’s seen the consequences now and you just need to positively remind her. And intervene earlier if possible.

Punishments like no tree won’t really work. You'll just create resentment and don’t really teach her properly what she should and should not do.

If she's genuinely upset that she hurt him, then surely that will give her a shock and make her understand that you really mean it when you tell her she's too rough and will hurt him. If she's said sorry and visibly feels bad about it, then I don't think you need to do a "big punishment." I think it would be different if she just shrugged, or did a fake sorry.