Do I have a hard life? Finding it hard to cope.

[speakout]

AIBU or is my life hard?

I am a carer for my frail 84 year old mother who lives with us. I have a teenage DD who is fantastic, but I have a 19 year old who has done very little since leaving school.
He lives here and stays in his bedroom 24/7.
He makes no effort in finding work or college, he doesn't even claim benefits. I think he is in a bad place mentally.
This morning I discovered a bottle of whisky missing and a large patch of carpet soaked with urine outside his room. He doesn't normally drink much, he has no money to see his friends. I am beyond frustrated, and really don't know how to cope.
Some may think I should throw him out but he is in such a dark place I fear he may end up on the streets.

Help.

Anyone?

It's hard to say if you have a hard life without knowing more information about the rest of it. It sounds to me to be what a lot of us are going through. If you're finding it hard to cope maybe you should see your GP and find out about some respite care for your mum?

Different people have different abilities to cope with situations so no one can really tell you a yes or no answer to your question... hope things get easier for you

I am hopeful that somebody more qualified will come along and help soon. But yes, to give you the validation you need, that is undoubtedly very very tough, and I'm sorry

It sounds like your 19 year old is a major cause for concern, and if what you have found ( missing booze and urine) relates back to him then I would say that there are definitely mental health issues at hand.

Are you able to ask for advice / signposting from Crisis or similar?

I'm sorry you are going through this...I am sure there are more helpful mumsnetters around with more salient advice.

. You certainly have a lot of worries.

I would go and see your GP. The stress can't be good for you and you need to look after yourself. There may be services you can access to get some respite with your mum and focus on your son. In the meantime I would remove all alcohol from the house.

Is he spending all day online or playing games? I'm guessing he doesn't help around the house at all. I have no real advice about what would work to improve things for him as I don't have children that age but hopefully someone else will have ideas.

I do think it is important that you get some RL support for yourself.

Wishing you well

Could you speak to social services about getting a carer in for your mum?

Also, what is the reason for your 19 year old not working?

19 year old doesn't work because he is in a dark place mentally, no motivation to apply for work.

I'm so sorry OP that does sound really tough could you ask your 19 year old if he'd like to go to a GP appointment and get counselling, perhaps? If you have a partner, what does your partner think? Do they have any advice? Sorry about this :( and it's also definitely worth looking into getting respite care for your mum.

I did take DS to GP, ( huge effort to get him there) he was told to visit a drop in centre at local community hospital.
We visited, ( huge effort to get him there again) waited an hour and a half - no appointment system- and DS couldn't wait any longer.

So I paid for him to see a counsellor privately- again a huge effort, but he felt it was of no use.
So we are back to square one.

I'm really struggling right now.

It sounds tough op!
Try to get your ds to the gp again. He may need some anti depressants for a short time to help him and get him referred for some more counselling. Maybe he didn’t get the right counsellor for him, but it does take time to open up to a counsellor and fully trust them.

Thanks. I have phoned the GP and awaiting a call back to have a chat.

I had similar circumstances, don't want to go into it publicly but happy for you to send a PM.

Yes please suki