To not give him a reason...

[happydayofbirth]

And tell him to leave?

Normally I would think this is really unreasonable but there's a lot more too it.

My relationship is completely sucking the life out of me. He is so difficult to be around and I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him. His own family have told me they don't know how I put up with him. He's told me I'm 'mental' and 'need help' (I'm
Not- it's how he's made me!) 3 times since last night because I'm so miserable and 'off with him'. My eldest has been out at a friends all day, DP have him a cuddle and then said 'I've been trying to give your mum a cuddle all day but she hasn't wanted to know' (This is true) but hI fails to see how inappropriate to say that to a child (he's 10). H just looked at his Dad and then me like I can't spend any length of time with him without feeling upset and then angry. He fails to see that any of this is his fault. I've told h before that I think he is emotionally abusive but obviously he's not and it's just me thinking that way because I'm 'mental'. This past 6 months have been awful where I guess I'm at the end of my tether. I will go all quiet for a few days and then have an outburst of anger, I gear myself up to leave or tell him it's over but I always seem to find the strength (if that's what it is) to keep quiet and carry on as normally as I can for my family.

I feel like I'm really at the end of my tether now and feel like if I don't end it off my own accord it will all end very badly.

I'm half tempted to get Christmas over and done with and give him the boot. No doubt I won't go through with it though and will spend about her year feeling unhappy.

Any advice or words of wisdom?

The reason I mention not giving him a reason as to why it's been her is because he will talk his way round and blame it all on me. Telling me I'm irrational, mental and whatever else. I'm really not- when I'm at work or have time alone with the DC I am the happy old me. When he's around I change. I go in to myself. It's hard to explain

Do it. As someone who spent far too long justifying why I stayed in a bad relationship (with kids involved) I can tell you it was the best decision of my life to finally make it happen. He didn’t believe me when I did it either, because we were always rowing I suspose he thought I would change my mind again. So he didn’t even ask me why when I said I wanted him to leave. He just went and packed and said “are you sure this is what you want?” And then left. It wasn’t easy to finally do it but it was definitely right.

Just tell him that you're not happy and will petitioning for a divorce and stick to that on repeat "I am unhappy being married to you so I am ending it"

Ok what I'd do is when the kids aren't about, maybe tomorrow while he's working, tell him he needs to pack a bag and you're done with being called mental. That's abusive in itself.
Tell him you don't have to, nor will you be tolerating his behaviour anymore- he's a grown man and from now on, he's on his own. No he doesn't get to have a say in it, no he doesn't get to talk you round because you're done with him.

Are you married? Is he on the lease/mortgage? Cause if so it could prove more difficult getting him out...

Remember, it doesn't have to be a huge row that ends things, it can be for whatever reason you decide. It can be because you're tired of his shit- which you are. You don't have to have a 'reason' as such, just that you don't want to be with him any longer.

@Ellendegeneres This sounds sensible and if I thought it would work I would do it. We aren't married but have DC together and live in a rented house. I don't think for a minute he would accept it if I told him and he definitely wouldn't leave. He's told me on many occasions he thinks I'm mental so I'm kind of used to it now. I try not to let his comments get to me but sometimes they do.

Oh love. You're so much better off without him. He's ground you down so you're feeling utterly worn by him- so you'll accept just about anything.
How long until he gives you a slap? How long until he really kicks this up a gear? I'm really worried for you, it is some serious abuse you're dealing with. He doesn't give a flying one about you, just himself

@Ellendegeneres I sound like a stereotype here but I really don't think he would ever hit me. I'm dreading the Christmas period and having to spend more time than usual with him.

I'm not judging you happydayofbirth I just want you to be safe- in all ways. He's destroying you mentally. You deserve to be happy, I promise you that.
If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Just as a bit of support.
Do you have rl support? Who're you spending the Christmas period with?

Do you really see yourself with him for what? Evermore? Get out, OP, stop looking wasting your life. He is emotionally abusive. You do realise this, don't you? The constant insults are manipulative and abusive. Is this how you want your ds to view all adult relationships and repeat the cycle?

The pp Donny could have been me in her post. I'm out of my relationship now and honestly it's like the sun came out again.

Life is happy and normal and I have peace again at last.

He sounds like a gaslighting manipulative shitbag, and and adult sized child. Don't let him walk all over you like that, get him kicked out.

Can you not pack his bag and put it outside when he is at work and message him saying you are through.
That gives him very little to argue with.
You'll never be able to convince him that ending is a good idea, because having you under the thumb works too well for him.

Or could you move out? Disappear for a while.
You've has enough, that's a good enough reason. Just don't put it out there for discussion.
Sending you the strength to do this op.

No advice really other than if you feel you need to leave for the sake of your well being, then that is what you need to do. Have you tried talking at all? I get it must be difficult if he keeps calling you mental but how would separating actually happen? Would you leave or would you ask him to leave and if you did ask him, would he?