I have a very difficult relationship with my mother who I feel never bonded with me.
She is horrible to me in public, particularly at family events where she belittles me and tries to embarrass me every time without fail, to the point where I now feel I want to avoid socialising with my wider family.
I have a condition which means that I won't conceive again. I've accepted it and i love my daughter to bits. Over the years it's been hard and I've struggled with this but I've learned to more or less accept it.
Earlier this year my sister became pregnant for the second time. My sister is in an abusive relationship and I wouldn't swap places with her in a million years. She is also a very odd person who also hasn't bonded with her first child. She is ten years younger than me and my half sister.
Between the two of them (my mum and sister) they decided to tell family members that she was pregnant but that it was a secret and that I must not be told as I would be "jealous". At the same time my sister told everyone else including my four year old niece who then told my daughter who told me and the receptionist at my gym who also told me. I suspect she created this drama on purpose to make me look bad but I could be wrong. My sister has always been bizarrely competitive of me and often makes hurtful comments to me which I laugh off.
A cousin who I have a great relationship also told me as she was horrified the two of them were going round painting me to be this horrible person.
During the pregnancy I felt that my mum was constantly trying to get a rise out of me, for example asking me in a very aggressive tone whether my partner would be jealous that my sister is having a boy. He isn't jealous and he finds it very disturbing that she would say this about him.
I try to have minimal contact with the two of them but it is physically difficult as we live in the same street.
My sister had her baby yesterday and I texted her to congratulate her. She sent me a picture of the baby and there was no issue. I am genuinely happy for her and I am not particularly jealous (even if I was I would accept it because I feel like jealousy is a completely normal emotion).
My mum then posted a picture of the baby on my Facebook wall without saying anything. I didn't comment and (I believe) because she didn't get the reaction she wanted from me posted it on my partner's wall. I find it very odd as she didn't even put a picture of the baby on her own wall and I would never post a picture of someone else's baby when they haven't even done so themselves. For some reason this has made me feel really sad. She could have whatsapped me the picture but I feel like she was trying to show me up to the family members she has told I'm jealous. It seems like a bizarre if not untypical thing for her to do but I feel really saddened by it. I don't know if I'm over reacting about this latest incident.
I feel very upset by this last incident. I could write a book about all the horrible comments my mum has made to me over the years. I feel like she is determined to paint me to be this horrible bitter person who is never happy for anyone else when this is very far from reality.
My partner who is neutral in the situation and who often witnesses my mum belittling me is horrified by her behaviour. He doesn't yet know about the Facebook incident.
I find it really upsetting because I really feel like my mum must dislike me to behave like this. I don't have another parent as my dad died when I was 8.
I don't want to cut her off completely (it would be physically impossible as I cannot afford to move) and I don't want to feel awful when she dies but I'm not sure how much of her behaviour I can take. I feel like I can't say anything because it will just be seen as evidence of my "jealousy".
I don't quite know how to deal with this one and I would be really grateful of any advice.
If there's any trolls out there please be gentle with me as I already feel quite sad.