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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find this really offensive

29 replies

Bigfoot1 · 09/12/2017 23:28

I work in a male dominated career. Very drunk, much older male colleague has just turned to a stone cold sober me (feeling under the weather and driving) on a works xmas night out...
"Well if you need anyone to rub some Vicks into your chest...... mind you I'd need a bloody big jar of Vicks....."

cue huge gaffaw etc

I'm feeling tired and am worried that I'm being oversensitive, but it certainly felt one step above the usual "banter".
He was more drunk that I've ever seen him and was also muttering about going off to find himself "a bird with a tight fanny"

Believe it or not, the bloke in question is normally extremely professional and very considerate towards me, and I suspect will be mortified if he remembers in the morning.
I shrugged it off and came home. I told DH who was horrified on my behalf.

AIBU to think this was more than banter.... but even so, the best course is to ignore and move on?

OP posts:
Bigfoot1 · 10/12/2017 07:50

It's the misogynistic nature which bothered me too.
I'm going to call him out on it. I'll do it in a "how was your head on Sun, you were pretty pissed" kind of way and mention the comments as an example of how pissed he was.
Having let it sink in overnight, the thing that most bothers me is that I have/had a lot of professional respect for this guy, and I feel disappointed. I also worry that this was an example of his real underlying personality.
He's old enough to be my Dad (and I'm no spring chicken) and his wife is just SO lovely Confused
DH (bless him) is outraged. He has met the bloke at a previous work function and was also surprised. Really glad about DH reaction. I know that our DS will have an excellent role model for his attitude towards women! Smile

OP posts:
Guavaf1sh · 10/12/2017 08:17

I think that's a good plan

nocoolnamesleft · 10/12/2017 13:11

Alcohol does not alter who you are. It removes your inhibitions. What he has shown you is what he is like when his inhibitions are down. What he hides, inside. Lovely.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 10/12/2017 13:19

What's the phrase...in vino veritas? You tell the truth when pissed, you don't just become a misogynistic arsehole if you weren't one already.

If you can stand it I would definitely talk to him about it and tell him it's changed your perception of him as someone you could admire and respect. Hopefully he will think twice, if not about his actual views, perhaps about airing them when pissed up with colleagues.

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