Hi. Firstly this could be quite outing. DF doesn't have kids but if by chance she sees this - I love you, I care about you and I am posting as I have seen people get fantastic advice on this site.
I don't want to drip feed but don't want to make a colossal post either, so here's a few main points about my friend:
- her family emotionally abuse her, especially her mum and sister. Her sister is a bully and her mother seems to swing between being needing my DF's attention, to being frustrated and angry at DF for DF's issues. Any time DF has a particularly bad event in her life, guaranteed her family will make it all about them.
- she has always gone for guys who weren't interested in her. She's never had any luck with guys and tends to go for shy guys who have never had a girlfriend before or had very little experience with girls.
- her first boyfriend, who she was with for at least a year but I think a couple at least, was horribly emotionally abusive, as was his mother who they lived with. He made her feel terrible, totally controlled her, wouldn't let her meet up with friends and ground her down till she'd let him have sex with her.
- it took years for her to begin get over what he did to her, and during this time she met a guy she fell for, who slept with her a couple of times but didn't want a relationship. He knew how much she liked him but he kept stopping contact then going back, and this, after her experience with her ex, caused her to have an emotional breakdown. She spent time in an institution after this. He seems to have now blocked all contact with her. She has said she was over him before then she'd turn up at his workplace to talk to him and get upset all over again.
- she got diagnosed with ASD last year.
- she was bullied horrendously by two previous sets of neighbours, eventually causing her to have to move. She now lives very near her parents.
- she isn't able to cook for herself (she once said her mum was always scared of her being near the cooker when she was growing up), so her parents guilt her into coming to there's for tea, make her feel bad about it but then get really angry if she doesn't go (she has said she'd rather stay at home and not see them so much).
- she has trouble making friends, she unfortunately seems to attract really horrible people who also emotionally abuse her and treat her terribly to make themselves feel good.
- she lives in a deprived area where there is little to do, and high levels of alcohol and drug abuse (she does neither thankfully). Many people there have huge problems and those who don't tend to leave, or in any case have well established friendships and relationships already, so a shy person like my friend just isn't getting to even meet them.
So, AIBU to ask your advice on how to help my friend get out of this cycle of repeated abuse? How can I help get her confidence "back" (not sure she's ever really had any)? Are there any charities or things which could help her? I'm not sure she sees what her family is doing to her is emotional abuse, as they are occasionally very protective of her.
I work full time and in a different city so I don't get to see her as often as I'd like. She has another close friend like me but she also works full time and lives far away so also can't see her much. We all talk online but DF needs real life help too.