Messages to DP

[TheJennaThing]

Apologies if I offend anyone with my choice of words and I've posted here for traffic. I've had a long run with MH issues, some diagnosed others not. I really just want to know anyone does/has done the same and how you deal with it?

Often, I get in these crazy crisis panic moods where I overthink and come up with irrational situations in my head. These are usually to do with DP (but also have been with other bfs' in past) if things are a bit rocky or simply if they're not replying. I can't help but worry they hate me and I panic and message and message and can't help it even if it's an argument and they ask for space. I just can't distance myself from it.

Please has anyone els experienced this and how do you stop from messaging them and making it worse as well as yourself worse? I know it's wrong and unfair for both of us.

Not as severe as you but I used to get quite anxious in my relationship due to past relationships and MH worries.
I found CBT really helped.

I go through that all the time. In this case, does he have a certain pattern of messaging you? I had a similar episode last week. He basically didn't message me at all day and that was not normal .. of course I thought he had ghosted me. So I went through all of his previous messages all the ones where he says how much he loves me and how he can't wait to be with me for the rest he f our lives. I kept telling myself, I believe in what he says, you don't abandon the so called love of your life overnight, and it worked! He ended up messaging two hours later :)

Fear of abandonment? Have a read through the symptoms of borderline personality order (it's not a true personality disorder just a crap name)

BPD is a bit of a leap!

Mindfulness has really helped me, takes a little while to get the hang of it, and it doesn't work for everyone

Op says she has a long run with MH... mild BPD is easy not to get diagnosed!

No actually bpd isn't a leap. I'm being assessed for it currently as I tick almost every box. I know there's definitely a cause. Would just find some comfort in knowing it's the same for others too sometimes and how they deal with it.

I suppose a lot of it is reminding yourself the feelings will pass

I panic and message and message and can't help it

Next time this happens, write the texts as you usually do then make a conscious decision with every text to send them all to yourself, not to the other person. Then read them all the next day at the same pace that they were sent.

It should give you a very good insight into how it feels to receive so many texts in such a short space of time and the content of the texts should give you a lot of insight into why your insecurities make you think you can't stop doing it.

You can stop doing it, you can choose not to do it, you have a choice.

Write the messages on your Memo, and save them if you need to, but don't send them! When you're feeling more rational you'll be glad you didn't. Been there :(

@ObscuredbyFog it is very very difficult if you have BPD to "exercise that choice" the feelings you have at the time ARE real and not based on "insecurities" really not as simple as that!!! If it were there would be proper treatment and a cure for BPD!

I'm like this when argue with dh. In fact everything we argue I think we are going to split up and catastrophic majorly. I also would have said bpd, I haven't been diagnosed with that but actually because it's so bloody difficult to diagnose I've been mentioning it lately to psych. I suffer with depression and anxiety. You need to find a way to put the phone away, give it to someone to hide. It's horrible, an awful feeling of no self control. Really hope you manage to get it under control

*catatrophise

I have ocd and intrusive thoughts about my close ones - DH & DC usually.

Learning to recognise an intrusive thought and consciously thinking about something else takes a while to learn but well worth doing.

OP, good for you for the insight and understanding that you aren't being rational. Mindfulness sounds like a great idea - my DS suffers from anxiety and mild OCD, co-morbid with his autism, and we have been told mindfulness can really help. It's also worth asking that you are screened for ASD and ADHD, which present very differently in women than men, but also cause terrible anxiety and seem quite often to go hand in hand with very emotional, sensitive temperaments, contrary to the stereotype. My son behaves like that as catastrophising and panicking are part and parcel, and if you get the right dx you have a better idea of where to go to get help. It's not as off-beam a suggestion as it may sound, as many ASD people, especially women, were misdiagnosed with personality disorders when they had atypical ASD presentation, so worth getting that possibility ruled out, no?

I should stress that I am NOT saying there is anything at all in your post that makes me suspect ASD. Nothing. Anxiety is really common. It was just that if you are being assessed for BPD, then there is an overlap there symptomatically. And they need different treatment.

It's an important step that you are taking in seeking help, and I really hope you find someone you can work well with to move forwards.

@perfectstorm couldn't agree more!!

OP they're called intrusive thoughts. Google x