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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think first impression is normally correct...

28 replies

ladystarkers · 09/12/2017 17:42

After you have spoken to someone?

It seems to me I’m usually right about people even though I might have ignored my gut instinct —and massivley regret it—

OP posts:
Original poster
ladystarkers · 09/12/2017 21:42

Bump

OP posts:
Bananamanfan · 09/12/2017 21:47

I feel like i don't make a spectacular 1st impression. People seem to really warm to me after about 2 years or so knowing me.

Maybe because of this, I am happy to change my mind about people i didn't like initially.

Bbbbbbb · 09/12/2017 21:47

I think most of the time, yes. I have been known to ignore it, too..you know, benefit of the doubt & all that!

blueshoes · 09/12/2017 21:51

Not everyone comes from the same frame of reference to allow first impressions to be consistently accurate.

I fear that first impressions could also be influenced by unconscious bias or stereotyping. People who are atypical whether in appearance, race or demeanour could be unfairly pigeonholed if everyone went on first impressions.

RebelRogue · 09/12/2017 22:22

Yup... I generally tend to have my first impressions confirmed, so I don't waste any more time now and just keep polite but cool and simple id my spidey senses are tingling.

McDougal · 09/12/2017 22:39

I wouldn't say they are, otherwise I'd not have many friends Confused

I've been told by (now) friends that it took a couple of meetings to warm to me as I seem stand-offish and cold at first. Shyness is a bastard Grin

I do, however, wish I had this sixth sense that people talk of (MIL, I'm looking at you) to get the measure of someone almost instantaneously.

ZigZagandDustin · 09/12/2017 22:40

I don't know. It depends on your ability to recognise correctly people's reasons for their behaviour.

UsedtobeFeckless · 09/12/2017 22:42

Nope - l'm generally totally wrong about people so l just wait and see now.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 09/12/2017 22:44

I met a bloke once who I thought was a terrifying hard bastard.

I was sooooooo wrong. He turned out to be really really lovely, so much so I married him 😂.

I'd have to disagree with you OP.

Foxsox · 09/12/2017 22:44

No
I like to give it time

NSEA · 09/12/2017 22:44

Proplenarenalways taken anack when it turns out I’m not a cold hearted bitch. A persona I appear to display when people first meet me. Its not me at all, just the first impression I give due to my acute shyness probably!

frogsoup · 09/12/2017 22:45

Nope, I've changed my mind both ways about people on getting to know them better. Different to a 'this isn't right', creepy kind of vibe - those are usually more accurate imo!

TheProdigalRhubarb · 09/12/2017 22:53

No. I’ve been completely wrong about people. The woman I pegged as a total cow on my first day in a new job ended up being my bridesmaid.

chocolateorangeowls · 09/12/2017 23:08

As pp said people never seem to like me at first 😢 but after a couple of months we're good friends. I must be doing something wrong ha ha

Original poster
ladystarkers · 09/12/2017 23:25

I think I must have an acute sixth sense which pisses me off because I want to be wrong but rarley —never— wrong. Sad

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 09/12/2017 23:29

Not in my case - my first impressions are often completely wrong. I have a habit of 'mapping' strangers onto other people I have known who have a similar appearance (even if it's tenuously so) - which usually leads to a complete reassessment once I get to know the person.

Bananamanfan · 09/12/2017 23:31

I also agree with pps that a creepy vibe is to be trusted, but like/dislike can change.

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2017 23:45

For some reason, checking people out is
the thing I do best, and I'm seldom wrong.
So like you op I have an acute 6th sense.
It makes me really fussy about who I spend time with.

WhatWot · 10/12/2017 00:11

Everyone likes to think they are a good judge of character but we can all be occasionally wrong. I've certainly been proven wrong though most of the times I am right. At the end of the day I will always give everyone a chance.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/12/2017 00:15

I'm someone with a 'resting bitch face', so people don't generally take to me instantly. People like you who won't change their minds about me make me really sad, OP.

I don't trust my instincts at all. I know that if I meet a (for example) "Ruth" when a previous "Ruth" I knew was a dishonest user, I'll put that onto the new 'Ruth' until I know them better.
Ditto the clothes someone might be wearing, or their physicality. All these things are a distraction from who the person really is and not clues to their personality, which I why I try and get to know the person.

Also, I try not to be too judgemental.

bumblingbovine49 · 10/12/2017 00:20

Generally I find my first impressions are often wrong so I don't agree at all really

ScreamingValenta · 10/12/2017 00:25

KeepServing - I seem to have a 'resting trustworthy face' (without being at all attractive in the conventional sense). Even when I was a teenager and going through a goth/metal phase, I was always the one who got asked by elderly ladies on the train to keep an eye on their bags whilst they went to the loo. Now I'm in my 40s, it's even more so.

aussielinda4655 · 10/12/2017 00:29

Beware jumping to conclusions on first impression. I have been described by many {now long time friends}, that at first I appeared aloof.

Sparklesocks · 10/12/2017 01:23

Not always - I do think confirmation bias comes into play, I.e. if you don’t like someone then you’ll subconsciously try and find negative qualities to ‘prove’ you’re correct. Whereas if you like someone you’ll focus on their good bits etc.
I know it’s not always possible but I think it’s good to try and keep an open mind about people, most people are decent at their core and don’t mean to be malicious (even if it seems that way).

BeALert · 10/12/2017 03:29

I fear that first impressions could also be influenced by unconscious bias or stereotyping. People who are atypical whether in appearance, race or demeanour could be unfairly pigeonholed if everyone went on first impressions.

Indeed - I have an English accent and live in the US. People seem to think I'm clever and impressive, initially. It doesn't take them long to realise I'm really not...