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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset about this small thing (a bit long)

10 replies

LeibnizBiscuit · 09/12/2017 15:26

I have my name changed to start this thread, but I am a regular. Strictly speaking I am not upset anymore, as 3 days has passed, but still got the negative feeling about it so decided to post.
DC8 was chosen to take part in the sort of public speaking/drama event in his big state primary. It was supposed to be for the 3 older year groups but he was the only one from his year.
Good so far, we were all thrilled for him. He prepared his piece and practised a lot at home. The parents of the participants were all invited to come and watch.
There were about 20 DC's I think, some took part in two or more categories, roughly 5-6 kids for 1 category. DC was the youngest.
So DC performed his piece, in all honesty, not bad for a 8yo, but I could see clearly that the older kids were much better. So when it's ended, the judges announced their decision, starting with runners-ups. Out of approximately 20 performers, only DC and another child were left with nothing. They continued to sit on the bench while the stage were taken by the other kids. At some point I was worried DC will be the only one left out. At the very end a teacher said something like, look, we still have 2 performance left. DC and the other child were called to the stage and given the same medal, as the rest of them.
I must say, that DC was not visibly upset and happy to have a medal. I, on the other side, was upset for him.
Now I must say that my AIBU is not about my DC performance and him being good but underappreciated but about the organisation of the awarding ceremony.
AIBU to think that if you have 20 kids, it is unfair to leave only 2 behind? I think the judges could be more generous and place all the participating kids, or just place strictly the winners e.g. 1 place for each child? They did a lot of joint honours, so nearly everyone was placed and some kids getting more than one medal.
Some kids approached my DC and asked him, if he is OK and that he was really good, it was sweet of them.
So instead of leaving in high spirits I have left being a bit hurt. I am very proud of DC, of course, to be able to go on the stage and perform in front of the whole KS2. DC is not my only child and I thought by now I am immune to the such small things, turned out I am still very sensitive.

OP posts:
MadamePince · 09/12/2017 15:30

But he did get a medal. Or have I misread?

I am not into everyone getting an award, it devalues it. But I agree if they are doing awards for all, it should mean all. But he did get one. Not sure what you are upset about.

Booboobooboo84 · 09/12/2017 15:58

Everyone getting an award absolutely devalues it. There is no shame in being the youngest in what sounds like a speaking competition and not winning an award. The pleasure should be in entering and trying their best.

LeibnizBiscuit · 09/12/2017 16:04

Madame Pince, exactly, I think IABU. but the feeling was that he and the other child been left out and forgotten on the bench. So I was upset.

Booboo, there is no shame, it is a great achievement actually. But out of 20 18 got a placement and 2 left out? so nearly everyone was getting a reward.

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confusedlittleone · 09/12/2017 16:08

But they weren't truely left out were they? They still got given a medal, it's not like they were left sitting there and that's the end of it

Booboobooboo84 · 09/12/2017 16:12

But they didn’t get left out. They got chosen to participate. And they got a medal after all anyways. I think your overestimating the impact it would have had on your child. They seemed happy. Isn’t that what matters

SleightOfMind · 09/12/2017 16:14

I’ve got 4DCs and recently had a similar protective urge towards one of my middle ones.
I even spoke to her teacher about it, although I knew it was one of those things you have to suck up and a good opportunity to teach resilience yada yada Blush.

DD not very bothered at all. I just really felt for her.
Perhaps we’re getting soft in our old age!

SilverySurfer · 09/12/2017 16:15

I don't understand. How were they left out since they both got a medal?

ButchyRestingFace · 09/12/2017 16:16

But out of 20 18 got a placement and 2 left out?

I don't understand. You said he got a medal.

ScipioAfricanus · 09/12/2017 16:32

I think that while in general it is good to get used to competing and maybe not being placed and not getting a medal (and learning that being selected was itself an honour and not everyone can win everything), on the other hand it is not a good ratio to have 18/20 kids winning something and the other two having to have a consolation medal so as not be left out. Better ratio would be 8 winning something and 12 nothing, or something along those lines. It sounds poorly thought out, especially for quite a young age group, so YANBU to find it a bit upsetting.

LeibnizBiscuit · 09/12/2017 19:21

Silvery and Butchery- 2 kids got a medal at the very end, when everyone else has been on a stage for a while and then the teacher have noticed that they are still sitting on the bench, looking a bit uncomfortable.
Scipio and Sleight- thanks for understanding, that's exactly how I was feeling.
DC is used both to winning and loosing as he does competitive sport. So it not about it, it is about ratio.
I am not going to talk to the teacher and already have sucked it all in. Just was surprised at my feelings for such a small thing as recently I have survived the A levels failure...

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