Am I oversensitive re. this type of reply?

[Ofthread]

So, there's someone who I encounter through work and have worked with closely in the past. In semi-public communication contexts (WhatsApp groups, group emails, facebook groups etc.) and also in individual replies to emails, she will always say something along the lines of: 'Sorry I can't attend this meeting as I have a meeting with xxx (insert 'important' person or organisation)' or 'Sorry I can't attend as I am out on location researching for xxx (insert impressive sounding thing).

Everyone else normally replies, 'can't make it' or ' childcare issues' etc. without feeling the need to write a whole message about whatever supposedly impressive or high status thing they are doing. I am very self-contained and would never share this kind of information with a wider group when not necessary, perhaps this is why I find it a particular bore.

I feel it's attention seeking and it really gets on my nerves, AIBU? I have had run-ins with this woman, could it be that I'm sensitised to it? No-one ever writes back saying 'Oh how amazing you are doing xxx with xxx', so it's all a bit pointless as far as I can see.

She sounds really insecure to me. Clearly needs to big herself up to make herself sound impressive or important. All a bit sad really. Just ignore her.

I do think you are being oversensitive, as it doesn't affect you as such...but I would privately be thinking she's a bit up herself

Maybe she feels bad about not being able to do the thing that you are asking her to do, and so feels that she has to explain why she can't do it.

It might not be boasting as much as it is feeling that she has to justify declining

Oh, I think I sometimes do this. If I do it would simply be to explain to you that I really can't make it, rather than brushing you off.

I've declined a night out tonight, that I don't want to go on, by just saying I can't make it (as I don't have a better excuse) and I feel bad about it....

No it could be that these meetings and research are a huge part of her life and very normal to her so when she refers to them she doesn't realise she's highlighting something special

Perhaps she has no idea of social etiquette.
Maybe shes insecure and overcompensates with grandiose statements.
Maybe shes just an arse.

Either way, try not to let it bother you, either feel compassion for her that she feels she has to act this way,

Or alternatively, go big or go home and reply in kind, ie she says she cant make the meeting because she's meeting "important person" you say, thats a shame but you have managed to squeeze the meeting in between your appointments with Mother Teresa and Captain America.

She says she cant make the meeting because shes out on location scouting, you say you can make the meeting but it will have to be via your personal holographic device as you are currently in the jungle building an orphanage on your lunchbreak.

Maybe she’s just trying to make sure that people know it’s not an excuse that she can’t attend, but a legitimate reason? Sorry, I’m busy, repeated often, could imply a lack of interest. A given reason. To me, implies she’s like to attend but has to perform a role that takes priority, and she wants you/them to know that she would be there if she could.

To me I would be giving a reason why I couldn’t do x. I’m sure that’s all she’s doing.

Too much information, she's lying.

I think you're being a little unreasonable.

"Sorry I can't attend, I have a meeting with the Pope"
"Sorry I can't attend, I have childcare issues"

They are both someone saying that they cannot attend a meeting/appointment with an explanation as to why they can't attend, it just so happens that one is a more "impressive" reason than the other. It's not the woman's fault she has more "interesting" clashes in her schedule than childcare issues.

Whenever I decline an invitation - whether it's from my friend asking if I want to meet for coffee or my boss asking if I can cover a sick colleague's shift last minute - I always try to give an explanation, so that I'm not just saying "No, I'm not doing it", I'm saying "No, X reason means I can't do it". Also by giving a basic explanation I find it usually shuts down the follow up negotiations that some people will often try to do - especially with a work commitment - if you know that there is no way you are available no matter what compromise they offer for the meeting.

I think YABU too.
I sometimes explain why I can't be somewhere - I thought it was a positive thing to do, to be clear you aren't just trying to avoid whoever is doing the inviting. Sometimes I would say "I'm at {such and such}" because it might be that I could consider getting there late or whatever if the event lends itself to that, or even that it might be possible the other could be cancelled - say due to weather (as we are covered in snow at the moment).

I agree with being specific. I have a friend who always really vague. I can't make that day/ sorry, busy at that time...ermmmm...ok, but an explanation would be polite. I always feel like she's either trying to hide something because she thinks I'm going to be jealous (I'm not) or just doesn't want to attend. I always give a reason why I can't make day or time.

I think some people have a tendency to overexplain-I almost felt the need to throw something at the radio the other day after hearing some inane person make the same, very small point about three times over using very slightly different words and giving five examples of something that was very clear after one. Some people are just annoying, try and let it wash over you.

I can see why it might be irritating, but hardly the crime of the century.

Just carry on ignoring.