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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Annoying Co-Worker

41 replies

PeachDelight · 09/12/2017 11:04

(Name change because I'm a cowardBlush.)

I work for a very large organisation but in the certain branch I work in, my team is very small. (The team itself if split into 3 areas, with four people working in each level). We recently (last three months approaching four) hired an apprentice to do secretarial work such as filing, answering phones and dealing with the customers face to face.

He's a young man straight out of University who during the interview was extremely enthusiastic and stated he was looking for an 'in' to begin his career. He had fantastic qualifications (and great character references from his tutors etc).

The first two months we got along fine (not close but he was friendly, eager to learn and would always be quick to offer his help to me and others where he could). But this last month it's like he's a completely different person to me... And only me. When I ask him to do something (I'm his senior) he huffs and rolls his eyes or makes a face.

He also constantly has something / someone else (usually me) to blame when he makes little mistakes in his work, which is never a big deal because he's an apprentice and we expect a few mistakes - what I don't expect is to be blamed for them in some round about way!

I've voiced my concerns to my Manager who has said he will keep an eye on the situation (and he has said he doesn't believe him when he uses me for his excuses so for me not to worry) but despite that it's really beginning to grate on me to the point where I dread coming into work. My Manager is lovely and really was understanding, but was as baffled as me as to why this was happening and suggested that maybe I sit down (with my Manager and this colleague) for a chat, but I don't want to because I know how it will go down (i.e. He will make excuses and make me feel like I'm paranoid about it all!)

To the other members of the team he's helpful, he's nice and eager to assist but now to me he's none of that. He's sarcastic and passive aggressive - but only when it's just him and me. Around others he's fine with me. The rest of the team adore him and although they believe me when I tell them his attitude towards me and things he's said (and they have themselves noticed he likes to judge my work over everyone's very openly) they are only hearing it from me when he's presenting them with a very different image, so I can understand why they can't fully understand.

A friend hinted that I record how he is with me, but I'm pretty sure that will somehow land me in trouble and I'm not sure if it's even legal to secretly record people?? Confused

The only thing I can think has brought this personality shift is that he mentioned in passing during his interview he has an interest in X career path, one on which I'm in. The thinking of my Manager when we hired him was to also train him to be in my career path like this guy wanted (hence why I'm asked to give him training occasionally on how to do things I do on top of his current job role) to prepare him for this and in the beginning he was very excited and eager for this to happen because it's his dream job.

But during our training he belittles my knowledge of the field of work, enjoys bragging to me he could do work faster than me if he had that project and how if he had my job he'd have done everything he could to be the best and really shine (which he makes clear I don't) He studied my job area at Uni as part of his course and he is learning now about it further at home in his free time so he really considers himself quite the expert, but with no prior experience under his belt actively doing the job he struggled to find a job in it. The apprentice role was the closest he could get.

I feel like he's trying to put me down so much subtly infront of my team (and not so subtly in front of me) so he can somehow steal my position, since he has technically not got a guaranteed job at the end of his apprenticeship. I know my Manager is highly considering him for a full time position afterwards because of how hard he works (and transgressions with me aside he does work very hard within his role and has made excellent relationships with other departments).

I began to dread the occasions my Manager asks me to deliver training because of his attitude and my other colleagues couldn't do it because of their own circumstances. So I've openly stated to my Manager I don't feel comfortable doing it because of the attitude and he agreesd, so said extra training stopped (it wasn't a requirement for his current job role, just an extra) and this seems to have made this co-worker even more bitter towards me, like it's al my fault! I get a few filthy looks now when anyone casually asks why it's stopped.

But I won't feel guilty for that. I won't pretend I wasn't being a little spiteful doing it but I was offering time out of my own day to offer training I didn't need to and he doesn't deserve my favours anymore Angry or at least, that's how I see it. Maybe I'm just being petty...

Someone has suggested he may have an issue with me? I understand sometimes people just don't click, but why so suddenly has the attitude changed? I'm really confused. I'm beginning to suspect he doesn't want to wait for the year to be up and is after my job now? I've asked him about his attitude with me a few times and he basically denied it and tried to brush me off and make me feel like I'm imagining things or being paranoid, claiming he 'forgot' if I ever taught him something or have some equally frustrating response and excuse to give me.

I hate being told I'm imagining things, especially when he delivers the speech with a knowing little smirk like he finds it hilarious.

I've spoken to HR, and though they have said they can bring him in to speak to him I don't feel like that will achieve much. He's young and this is his first ever job (other than part time bar work through Uni) but I can't accept how he's behaving anymore and I'm honesty considering asking for a transfer to a different branch to avoid him, but that of course means more travel time for me and I like my team - minus him. The closest branch is an hour shift travel away I don't feel like I should be the one to leave in this situation and yet I can't see how this can be resolved beause I'm the only one really seeing it in its full extent.

What I'm trying to ask is... AIBU assuming he's trying to steal my job?? I just want some reassurance really that his motives aren't just pure shittiness to me because of some kind of character flaw I have, since everyone loves this guy because shittiness with me aside - he really is charming and nice!

(You must know the type - the office smooth talker who could talk his way out of anything! He's not 'good looking' but he's very good with words and talking to people he just meets like they've known one another for years.)

OP posts:
PericardiumOne · 09/12/2017 14:08

I had one of those but it was a woman who clearly thought she was superior and should have my job. In reality, she was a conniving manipulator who was adored by senior staff and hated by her peers, who resigned one by one. In the end I had to leave as it took so much of my mental health. I am sorry I can't be any more helpful.

KarmaStar · 09/12/2017 14:13

Hi,.I agree with all the previous posts,stand firm,record it all and keep a diary..I can appreciate how hard it is but you are not alone,we are all beside you.sending you Flowers.Hopefully your manager will sit up and take notice and get rid of the idiot.good luck.

PuppyMonkey · 09/12/2017 14:15

Could you try keeping a record of everything that goes on between you through emails?

Every time there's an incident, send an email to hiM summarising what happened and asking a question about it or something. He'll probably give himself away by being rude to you at some point, but then you can show this to your managers as evidence.

sweetpotatosteak · 09/12/2017 14:17

He sounds like one of these work place narcissists that typically rise to the top. People need to become aware of this somehow while he's still so near the bottom. Agree with the suggestions so far. Don't get a transfer if you can help it and make all the helpful people aware of what's going on.

MadisonMontgomery · 09/12/2017 14:19

Yes, he wants your job. I would definitely start documenting everything - I imagine he thinks that if you were gone he would immediately get your position so don’t underestimate what he might do to get rid of you.

MummyMummyMummyyyy · 09/12/2017 14:20

WillowWeeping has it spot on. Do what she says! Sounds to me like he is gaslighting you and he needs to be pulled up on it Every. Single.Time.

Don't you dare move on account of this horrible little turd.

FuckyNellYaBastad · 09/12/2017 14:21

Cocky little gobshite!!!

JustAnIdiot · 09/12/2017 14:21

Don't leave!

Agree with logging everything & try to avoid being alone with him - much more effective logging things if there are witnesses.

guardianfree · 09/12/2017 14:23

OP - do be careful of speaking about this to other members of your team. It could be that some of his resentment towards you is because he's picked up on that from someone - it has the potential to be turned against you with you being perceived of as being in the wrong!
I agree, record everything and perhaps look at finding a 'polite ignoring' of as much as possible. Maybe follow up verbal instructions with an assertive but friendly email (provides a written record)?
Your instincts are probably spot on but you have to be smart to tackle this so that it isn't turned against you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/12/2017 14:27

I agree, he wants your job. He was nice to you at the beginning to test the waters - and as soon as he found his feet, his true colours started to come through.
So he thinks already that he'd be better at your job than you - and he's going to undermine you every step of the way to show others that he would be better at it than you as well.
The trouble is, that although NOW they might think "he's being mean to Peach again", after not too long, they're going to start accepting his criticism as fact, because if enough shit is thrown at someone, usually some sticks. And once ONE person starts to believe his shit, it spreads. (Been there, different scenario but it's amazing what people will believe!)

So yes to writing down whatever he's doing or saying, and picking up the behavioural points as loudly and clearly as possible so that anyone within ear shot might also notice. You are his senior, so act like it - whether you like confrontation or not, now is the time to learn to deal with it at least.

I had similar with a junior colleague many years ago - she got the arse with me when I had to ask her to do various tasks, and after a week of her giving me pretty much the silent treatment, I had to ask her what the problem was. She felt that I was trying to "lord it over her" - but had somehow failed to understand the difference in level in our position, which meant that it was perfectly reasonable for me to ask her to carry out tasks, and, if necessary, train her in those tasks. After our chat things were much better but I was still pleased when she was rotated out of my area!

Good luck - and stand your ground!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/12/2017 15:05

Excellent advice from PPs. Good luck, OP. Come back and let us know how it goes.

BabyOrSanta · 09/12/2017 15:06

Definitely go down the Professionalism route.

Basically, pull him into a meeting every time he does anything so that you can discuss his lack of professionalism. He may have the theory but, in a working environment, he needs to be professional which is not something you can just learn out of a book.

If he says that others don't behave professionally, point out that they have been doing the job longer and any other excuse you can come up with.

Obviously you'll only be doing this in his best interests Wink and not trying to pull rank or anything...

StarWarsFanatic · 09/12/2017 15:08

If it isn't misogyny and there could have been no misunderstandings between the two of you (even the slightest things) then he is a jealous prick who wants your job. Don't give him the satisfaction. Maybe also ask your manager to point out that mistakes are permissible for an apprentice, he doesn't need to make up excuses.

FruitCider · 09/12/2017 16:01

YADNBU.

OP what is your relationship to him? Are you his line manager or in a more senior position? This will make a difference in the approach you take. If you are his line manager does your company have a conduct policy? If so, use it!

If not, challenge him. Every time he does an undesirable behaviour write it down with date and time then call him out on it. Challenge him in front of others for the more subtle behaviours eg “why did you roll your eyes just then?”.

Do NOT leave your job!

Madwoman5 · 09/12/2017 18:12

Definitely question every little thing that comes up. Do not allow it to go unchallenged.
Rolls eyes
Why did you just roll your eyes when I asked you to do that?
I wouldn't have done it like that
Really. Please do as I have asked.
You are doing that all wrong
When you have x years experience come back and offer constructive criticism. Until then, please do as I have asked.
I could do that better
Ditto as above
I had one that did this. Thought a degree was more important than 30 years hands on experience. Gave her plenty of rope.

Cocolepew · 09/12/2017 18:31

If you deliver any training or tell him how to do something could you keep a log and get him to sign it?
Or just kill him.

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