Tea in bed

[Alliaskforisthis]

Help me solve a constant weekend argument. Weekdays I get up before DH, I will always bring him a coffee in bed. Weekends I would love nothing more than to be brought a cuppa in bed. But no, he'll lie in bed, browse on his phone, want sex first, have a shower ...... then maybe, just maybe he'll make one. If I just get up and make one myself, enjoy it downstairs in the quiet of the house. He'll wake up realise I'm not in bed and text or call me to find out where I am !! AIBU to expect him to do this one small thing for me 2 days a week?

My DH is a bit like this. I solved it by getting a teasmade so I have tea every morning in bed and he has to sort himself out.

Try the following: No tea, no sex

My dp brings me tea and toast every morning. Not bad after 25 years!! One of the reasons I love him so much...not boasting just saying it's the little things that make (or break) relationships

This is outrageous behavior on his part. I'd certainly be stopping the midweek coffee's until he sees the error of his ways! As for sex, there's not a chance here until I've had a brew

As my user name suggests, tea is important to me.

My husband wakes me up every morning with a cup. I don't even have to ask. Secret of our long happy marriage I think :)

DP and I sort ourselves out weekdays, I have to be up and out far earlier than him. Weekends we have an ongoing battle where we trick the other one into mentioning the word ‘tea’ and that person has to make the tea. We’re both too wise to it now though so he usually just caves and makes it.

But no, yanbu. If it’s his only chance to sleep in I wouldn’t begrudge that, but he could still make the tea before showering/sex if he knows it would be important to you as a gesture.

I agree with the no tea no sex bit. He’s a lazy arse.

We don’t have tea in bed on work days, but DH brings me tea and toast on Saturdays and I do it on Sundays.

If I say no tea, no sex - he will generally go and make one after a bit of negotiation! But then the minute he come back to bed - he wants sex ! So the bloody thing goes cold. I agree with those saying it's the little things that counts! I wish he would just do it, he knows it's important to me. So why doesn't he just do it !!!

Why are you bringing him coffee in bed? It's obv. not something he values.

DH and I have tea in bed together nearly every morning and I bloody love it. Whoever wakes up first has to go make it, and it's pretty evenly divided between the two of us, really.

The only time I brought him tea in bed regularly when he was doing all the school runs on his bike with the trailer, and I was getting up earlier than him to get the children up and dressed. But when I was on treatment for a few months for a serious illness, he brought me tea every morning.

If your DH doesn't value it (he doesn't, otherwise he'd do it for you) then stop.

I guess I bring him coffee because I know how much I appreciate it, I feel it would be petty to stop !

My Heston by Sage tea machine can be set to come on at a particular time .... but I haven't bothered to do it! I've got a teasmade as well and I generally prefer to get up

You have sex for so long your tea goes cold?! Are you sure you're even married?😂

Meh. I hate tea in bed. It's not comfortable to drink tea in any position that I can manage to achieve in bed. Poor DH sometimes brings me tea in bed and I get up and drink it in the lounge.

At the weekend, if DH gets up first and brings tea up, sex is expected in return for completing a complicated chore. Why do men expect repayment of this kind? I'm more than happy to bring the tea up on week days without requesting sex from him....

Stop bringing him coffee in bed. If he misses it then say you'll only do it if he reciprocates on weekends. Simples.

Greymorning

Just tell him to make you a coffee. And stop making for him all the time!

Jeez just communicate. Your other option is that the resentment is going to eat away at you and destroy any affection you feel for your partner. It's like eating poison and waiting for the other person to die. Just talk to him and be assertive for gods sake!

Tell him it’s a non negotiable for the rest of your married life. You’re right it’s very important. Mine has brought me a mug of English breakfast in bed every day of our shared life - except when he’s been working away from home. At weekends he’ll come back to bed with his Earl Grey (yuk) and we’ll read papers etc.

Maybe he simply doesn’t realise just how much goodwill he earns through this simple deed? Tell him. Repeatedly. Until it is embedded.

FoxyBoxter,

Perhaps he sees sex as a win-win, not a "repayment".

Or perhaps you see it as the latter, so he behaves accordingly to get some.

I am assertive, it's not like I haven't asked him ! I've told him it's important to me. His response is - I shouldn't get so upset about a little thing ! It's not like he doesn't do other things ! I'm laying in bed now wondering if I should just get up and make my own tea ... or wait for him to wake to see if he'll do it - lol

We trade. Oh brings the pot of tea up. After we have that I bring the breakfast up.

There is really no need to eat or drink in bed. yuk.

I get a cup of coffee next to my bed every morning, have done for 17 years. Mr Foo is up crazy early even at weekends and by the time i’m getting up, the coffee is just Luke warm enough to chug down in one. I really hate not having it there to the point I bring a thermos on the nights he will is away.

I got up, DH still in bed. Made tea and DS iced hot chocolate! I think I might need to accept that I won't be getting tea in bed 😶

Toadinthehole

Thank you for sharing that perspective - I'll take it on board.