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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be livid at neighbour?

23 replies

Meowstro · 08/12/2017 23:40

My neighbour is unreasonable as a whole but I wonder who is in the wrong here. We've had back and forth over issues with noise (says she can hear appliances in our place over her TV and her TV is on so loud if I watch the same channel I don't need the sound on) so generally don't talk because she's listening out for stuff to complain about - I mean she has actually listened out next to our wall. Anyway I sent a note asking to be mindful of things, I also explained the location of her bin is right by our bedroom window (gf) so when putting bins out at 10,11,12 at night it disturbs us. She ignored it to the point the noise overall has been worse at times now.

Tonight our LO has fought sleep, we had 10 mins of crying after 2 hours of LO doing her best baby shouting. As soon as baby is settled at 11pm she clambers out there and chucks a bag off stuff with what sounds like cans and jars. I wouldn't mind on the odd occasion but it's near enough daily and she is putting the bin out multiple times a day as well, so it's not like she forgot until then. Last night I think it was wine bottles all chucked in at half 10.

I am sleep deprived but AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

Meowstro · 08/12/2017 23:42

I should say that was the second round of baby being awake after fighting sleep hours before, neighbour did hear because the TV was turned up louder in response.

OP posts:

TheQueenOfWands · 08/12/2017 23:44

A bit.

She's listened to 'baby shouting' for two hours, she's a saint - I'd be climbing the walls.

Some people don't work 9-5 jobs and need to do bins and stuff when convenient.

rudolphtherat · 08/12/2017 23:45

I think you’re being a little sleep deprived, she doesn’t know when you’re baby goes to sleep!

AtSea1979 · 08/12/2017 23:48

You actually sent a note? I'd def turn my tv up and rattle the bin more!

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 08/12/2017 23:51

Hang on a minute, she can't be putting the bin out several times a day. Most people only get it emptied every fortnight. Do you mean she is coming outside and putting stuff in her wheelie bin several times a day?

ThisLittleKitty · 08/12/2017 23:54

I currently don't have a kitchen bin (don't ask) so put rubbish in my bin at various times of the day and night. I'm not keeping rubbish in my house till the morning! She can use her bin when she wants.

Original poster

Meowstro · 09/12/2017 00:00

Yep, we did. I spent a whole (awful) pregnancy with hyperemesis and lack of sleep from loud music and TV and it hasn't changed, this isn't just since our baby arrived. It's not just loud bins it's slamming doors which shake the windows and stomping around, picking objects up and chucking them down. It's deliberate as there have been times where the noise is reasonable. I might add, our baby doesn't cry for long and not often these days but is going through a sleep regression and there's FA I can do about it.

OP posts:

crazycatgal · 09/12/2017 00:05

I think leaving notes instead of speaking face to face is going to aggravate the situation.

GingerbreadMa · 09/12/2017 00:08

You dont have a bad neighbour (although you mighy be one), you have bad sound proofing

YABU re the bins!

ThisLittleKitty · 09/12/2017 00:12

How much noise can one person make?! I have 6 people living above me believe me thats not pleasant. I think you just dislike her so probably noticing things more and letting them wind you up

Original poster

Meowstro · 09/12/2017 00:14

@ThisLittleKitty I'd get that but it's been like this forever. Usually it's to start a conversation with someone she's seen passing as well. Tonight it was calling to the neighbour on the other side of us. I'd like to think that if someone said I were disturbing them I'd refrain from that.

@crazycatgal Well that's what she did with us before she took further action against us (which was unfounded). Unfortunately it's nice to our face and different otherwise.

I guess I just feel you can place a bag in a bin quietly or if not a reasonable time is fairer.

OP posts:

cakeforksareleftist · 09/12/2017 00:21

Oh come on! Surely it's inconsiderate to loudly lob bottles into your bin and then bang the lid down?
Or is it only me that thinks like that?
Why can't people be more mindful of others for fuck's sake.

Original poster

Meowstro · 09/12/2017 00:28

We did like our neighbour actually, we used to have long chats but she got funny with us when after exhausting everything we could to stop the appliance issue, suggested to the landlord that it may be soundproofing/laminate flooring causing the issue (although as I said, isn't always noisy so it's not all that)

@GingerbreadMa how are we bad neighbours?

@ThisLittleKitty 9 hours of loud non stop music is unreasonable. Hearing someone's loud TV word for word is noisy. I prefer it to 6 people but it doesn't mean she isn't noisy.

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ThisLittleKitty · 09/12/2017 00:30

Can you complain to the council then they can assess the noise?

wednesdayswench · 09/12/2017 00:33

I really feel for you, the sleep deprivation will improve and one day when you are the proud owner of teens they will sleep (and sleep and sleep..)

You are being a little unreasonable though, try not have a spectacular fall out with your neighbour over this.

esk1mo · 09/12/2017 00:42

i dont think YABU. ive never heard or seen my neighbours take their rubbish out.

it sounds like she is doing it on purpose. eg your baby cried, so she chucked the bottles out. no one NEEDS to put rubbish out at that time. maybe once or twice, but not daily. if she has poor hearing then why not use subtitles along with a moderate volume, rather than blaring loud TV.

can you move in the foreseeable future? doesnt sound like she is willing to resolve

Original poster

Meowstro · 09/12/2017 00:52

She rents, we own but we will move in a couple of years hopefully. We've been trying to be nice by not taking it to the council but it does look like our only other option.

That's what I don't get, esk1mo, I'm of good hearing and do that. I know for a fact it's not reading ability or anything.

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MidniteScribbler · 09/12/2017 00:54

I think you probably are both as bad as each other. Your noise annoys her, her noise annoys you and small things are being turned into big things.

My neighbour has there bins near by bedroom, and would put their empties out in the morning before going to work and waking me up. I had a word one day, and they genuinely had not even considered the noise. They now wait until they get home after work to put things out.

Coyoacan · 09/12/2017 01:05

If you own, you are in a better position to put soundproofing in. I would do that asap, if I were you.

butterfly56 · 09/12/2017 01:05

I live in a ground floor apartment and even though I am deaf I could hear the previous tenant above stomping about and doing all sorts of banging all time of the night. TV on all night.

They had a big drink problem and they were the most cranky, moody, difficult person.

Always problems with their bin which was just left out blocking the narrow footpath and not put back in the bin store.
They had to move to a ground floor apartment after suffering a serious drink induced injury.

When the person moved they left a large pile rubbish on top of a chair that stank of urine outside my bathroom window for 2weeks I had to ring the HA to tell them it needed moving.

The person who is in there now(been a couple of months) I have never heard them at all. The person is retired and is at home a lot like myself but there has been no noise.
When serious drinking is involved you're dealing with the drink not the your average person.

Gaudeamus · 09/12/2017 03:51

It is very U to empty bins at night - that's just basic uncivil behaviour.

It sounds like you and your neighbour are getting into a tit-for-tat and she's probably found your note a bit PA. As a last resort could you invite her round and say 'Look, we've obviously not managed to find a compromise about our noise affecting each other - let's try and sort it out', and then make agreements together about reasonable times for bins, music, washing machine etc, avoiding accusations and just focusing on solutions. Worth a try before burning bridges completely.

Original poster

Meowstro · 09/12/2017 09:14

Just to clarify we only sent a note because that's what she did rather than speak to us about noise last time. She then took further action so it wasn't pa, it was by the method of communication she preferred. Also, I've worked in this area and general advice is if you aren't in the best mind frame at the time (tired, annoyed) then write a note instead or wait for when you are but unfortunately I don't get a day where there's not bad noise. I lived in a gf for years before, under people that walked around loudly everywhere and if it was just that I know I'd start zoning it out eventually and think that it might be just her normal living noise.

OP posts:

crazycatgal · 09/12/2017 12:02

Sending a note because she did is a bit tit for tat. You need to try and be the bigger person in this and try and have a civil conversation about the noise.

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