AIBU To feel under valued?

[Hopeinabottle]

Started a job a few months in a large organisation. In the run up to Christmas my manager invited everyone, as she was organising it, from the cleaner to the temp, to the office party, insisting they "were part of the team". She completely ignored my invite. The day before the party she said "you're not coming are you?"
I didn't intend on going to be honest, but it would have been nice to be included. I feel very under valued actually. AIBU to feel upset by this?

That is really awful. It's bullying - you're not allowed to exclude. Is there an HR department?

Yanbu to be upset but I would imagine that this is an oversight. If everyone was invited except you why did you not bring it up at the time?

Is there any chance it could have been a genuine mistake?

What do you mean she “ignored my invite”: that she didn’t invite you?

How were the invitations issued?

It could be that she just missed you off the email and is actually miffed you didn't respond (thinking she'd invited you). I probably would have responded with "probably not since I wasn't invited "

Yes there is an HR department. I really don't want to complain, I feel that it's going to be very uncomfortable at work if I do.

No it was not an over site. Invitations were sent out over a month ago. People had to pay for their place.

It's possible that as you're relatively new you weren't on whatever staff list she was using - "you're not coming, are you?" could mean a) you don't want to come, do you?" or b) "god please don't come". Unless she's spectacularly unprofessional, I bet it means a). I bet she thinks you were invited and have chosen not to come.

Why didn't you respond

• no, I wasn't invited

Yes I should have said to her "you didn't invite me".
No she wasn't using a staff list! All done verbally. Like I said she even invited the cleaner who just started two weeks ago!

Were they sent via email? It's easy to miss someone from a distribution list and when you didn't respond/pay she might just have taken that to mean you didn't want to go.

Even if she doesn't like you, it would surely be too blatant a way of showing it to invite absolutely everyone in the workplace except you - she would be risking a grievance, and wouldn't want to expose herself in that way.

What do you think would happen if you spoke to her about it? Worth a try?

Sorry, I x-posted with you, OP. You say it's a large organisation - if invitations were being issued verbally it must have been very hard to keep track of who'd been spoken to.

I would definitely complain. "You're not coming, are you?" is not an invitation.

Had you said prior to that that you wouldn't be coming?

It's a department office party. Invites verbally.
And yes, I truly think she has done this to make me "feel" excluded.

That's awful. Why is she singling you out?

Ah, so just your department, not the whole company. All I can say is that if you're absolutely certain it was deliberate you have three options (not mutually exclusive) -

1. Ask your manager openly why she didn't invite you
2. Raise this via HR or a more senior manager
3. Do nothing, and start looking for another job where you're treated with respect.

I have no idea. I get on great with my colleagues, good at my job, no issues.

Valenta..option 3 is very tempting. I would hate to be pushed out my job by a spiteful person though. But it's quite tempting.

As you get on well with your other colleagues, would one of them be prepared to join you if you spoke to your manager about it? It might wrong-foot her if you were open but not confrontational about it, and said something like 'I would really have liked to go to the party, and was upset that I didn't receive an invitation.' If a witness was there, she wouldn't be able to be unpleasant to you.

Email her on Monday: I've been thinking about your question about the party...when you said "you're not coming?" Thing is, I never received an invite! Was this an oversight on your part?

And copy in HR.