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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disruption of baby routine

14 replies

Missy450 · 08/12/2017 16:04

My SIL would like to look after my 7 month old DS every week. However, I’ve only recently got him into a good routine and he’s sleeping better for it.

Her babysitting disrupts this massively as he struggles to nap at all, let alone take long naps like he does at home.

AIBU to not let her have him or do I just need to chill out and let his routine be disrupted once a week. His awake time is only 2 hours so planning within these aren’t practical as by the time I’ve dropped off/picked up, she’ll hardly get any time with him.

OP posts:

BackBoiler · 08/12/2017 16:06

Cant she come to yours and you go and run some errands etc then she will get a full 2 hours at your home.

A nice offer and if she does really want to see him she will come to your home.

Myusername2015 · 08/12/2017 16:07

I’m exactly the same with my 6 month old. My friends think I’m nuts as I won’t go to playgroups etc if it’s during his nap times. But for him routine is very important and he is so much happier for it. I read an interesting article about how we wouldn’t deny children quality food yet sleep is just as important. Could your sil come to you? Or wait till he’s a little older when wake times stretch out?

NotEnglish · 08/12/2017 16:08

Well, I'd like to emperor of the word, bud sadly, i has not happend.

Wahat I'm trying to say is: Your SIL has no "rights" to your baby at all. So If she wants to babysit every week, you can decide if that suits you or not.
Personally, if you don't crave some alone time, and it upsets a routine you would rather keep, I'd politely decline and tell her that right know, it does not work for you, but you'll rethink when he's older.

NotEnglish · 08/12/2017 16:10

Also agree with the drop-off.
Basically, she's not "babysitting", she wants to spend time with him. So she shpuld be the one to drive to your place. Then she has the 2 hours, you can use the time for yourself or spend some time with her and baby, just as you like.

mistermagpie · 08/12/2017 16:12

It's a tricky one. My MIL has occasionally had my 8 month old DS for a few hours and twice overnight. She's doing me a favour so I haven't said anything to her face but every time I pick him up from her he's been starving and hasn't slept. The rest of the day can be a write off.

If she's doing you a favour then suck it up and accept that the routine won't happen that day (like I do). But if she's just doing it because she fancies looking after the baby then I would say no at this stage. I have a toddler too so need help every now and then but if you're not using her for childcare then I would say no.

Handsfull13 · 08/12/2017 16:14

My instinct says no because his welfare comes first and it's not good for him to skip naps.
It could be a non regular thing for when you need to get things done, if you work out how many days it takes for him to get back to schedule.
I would explain to her why you don't feel it will work and see if she agrees to find a way to get him to nap with her.
But having him once a week should be only if you beed/want her to do it not because it's what she wants. To put it bluntly when it comes to your son her wants come last

Original poster

Missy450 · 08/12/2017 16:15

She doesn’t drive so it’s also up to me to drop him off etc. I would like him to have a relationship with her though but I hate it when he’s not getting what he needs, in this case sleep. I’m always quite clear when he needs to nap when she’s babysat before but if she couldn’t get him to sleep, she just lets him stay awake rather than taking him out in the pram (which would most likely get him to sleep). I’ve let it go as he didn’t really have much of a routine but these last couple of weeks, I feel like we’ve made a breakthrough and he’s sleeping so much better, day and night. Don’t want to ruin that now. But it is just a day?? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

OP posts:

AuntLydia · 08/12/2017 16:16

When you say his awake time is only 2 hours - do you mean he is only awake for 2 hours of the day?!

user1493413286 · 08/12/2017 16:17

It depends how much it then effects your DS, if it means he doesn’t sleep at night I would massively not be keen and wouldn’t let it happen once a week as it’s just not worth the effects for you. She doesn’t have a right to look after him, it’s your choice.
Why can’t he nap with her though? Is there anything you can do to help?
I find that when other people look after my DD her routine seems to go out the window and I spend the rest of the day with a grumpy over tired baby so I tend to limit it as while it’s nice to have the time to myself it’s just not worth it on a regular basis.

minipie · 08/12/2017 16:18

Really depends on what's more important to you - time to yourself or keeping his routine? Personally at this stage I'd have chosen the routine, though there is no right answer.

The fact SIL wants it is not really relevant, she has no "right" to have him and she will have a relationship with him without looking after him at this age.

Original poster

Missy450 · 08/12/2017 16:19

2 hours awake time between naps, not all day!

I also think if she does manage to get him to go to sleep, there’s no point in her having him if he’s sleeping!

It’s for her benefit, she would just like to see him. I nice to have a break every now and then but I would rather him be with me tbh.

OP posts:

DoItAgainBob · 08/12/2017 16:22

I wouldn't be up for the disruption tbh. With my first I let others disrupt his sleep and paid the price with a crap sleeper that was constantly ill. With my second, I prioritise her sleep. She's an amazing sleeper and a ring want to ruin it!

DoItAgainBob · 08/12/2017 16:23

I also think as the youngest and most vulnerable in our extended family, her needs come first. Grown up can work around her.

mistermagpie · 08/12/2017 16:24

It's funny, nobody wants to hang out with my 8 month old, but family members are queuing up to look after my 2.5 year old because (let's face it) toddlers are more fun and easier to look after and take places. On reflection I would actually be touched she wants to spend time with your baby to be honest, and take the time for yourself a day is just a day after all.

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