To think an occasional Instagram like and a ‘How are you?’ Whatsapp isn’t a proper friendship?

[Canadianviews]

Feeling a bit miffed with a couple of so called close ‘friends’ lately. One lives 15 minutes down the road, the other half an hour, neither have children (nor do I) all late 20’s/ early 30’s. They have both been very close friends of mine (though not each other) for the past 9 years now.

However, the last year I have barely seen either of them really, despite numerous ‘really must catch up soon’ Texts from both of them to me and me to them. I have tried pushing for days/ dates etc and occasionally it’s been bingo and weve been able to meet. More often than not though it’s a nightmare trying to organise something.

Both of these people see other friends frequently each week though, weekend breaks away, nights out etc and yet it seems if either of them can meet me it’s for a quick/rushes drink or bite to eat on a Tuesday evening, can never spare any time for me on a weekend, where we could go out and have a few drinks etc, not have to worry about being tired from work/ up for Work the next day etc. Both are perfectly able to do it for other people though.

I haven’t seen one since early Sept, she whasapped me yesterday to ask if I was excited about Christmas, do I think DPs going to propose, hopefully he will and we can go bridesmaid dress shopping blah blah. I was like wtf?! Errr no! Probably up until a year or so ago I’d have considered having her as a bridesmaid if I ever get married but not now, I barely see her!

I promise I’m not precious, we've all got other friends and separate social lives, myself included, but it just seems neither of these ‘friends’ can be arsed to make the effort in person anymore and seem to think we can sustain a friendship through the occasional Instagram like and ‘we must meet up soon’ Whatsapp. IMO you can’t, unless someone lives a great distance away and therefore you can’t see them in person regularly, if they live 10 minutes down the road and are one of your supposed ‘best friends’ then really you need to keep shared experiences/ memories going. It’s not enough to only bother seeing someone in person that you used to see frequently once every 4 months IMO. Or at least it is if you’ve got children and social life has to go on the back burner for a bit, or you’ve got a busy few months with work etc. But when you can seemingly make time for all your other friends, but never one, you can’t expect a warm response to being tagged in ‘best friend’ FB memes, or expecting to be someone’s bridesmaid?

I purposefully haven’t suggested meeting up with either of these for ages now as I wanted to see if they’d make the effort if I didn’t, I haven’t seen once since August and the other since early Sept, no plans to in the future yet either.

I guess they’re just not arsed and I need to just forget them.

"I guess they're just not arsed" nails it, I reckon.

You have other friends so stick with them.

Conversely: they could be very busy.

I don't get to see my friends as often as I'd like and often have to turn down my local friends- who I see every month or so- but then will have the odd social engagement with friends from further afield that I haven't been able to see for a year.

I basically have more friends than I can cope with- but I do love them all and don't wish to stop the friendships.

I sympathise with you OP, I’m in the exact same predicament. I have actually taken it quite personally as I haven’t been well and I haven’t seen these friends for dust. If social media weren’t a thing I don’t think I would ever hear from them and these are “close” friends.
I think social media updates people to the point where they dont feel the need to txt/meet up/ask how you are cause they already know.

Unfortunately it does sound like they can’t be arsed. I would just get on with things and concentrate on your other friendships. It will sting for a bit though xx

It sucks doesn’t it

I wouldn’t mind if they just said ‘not interested anymore, feel we’ve grown apart’ or whatever the situation may be, but to throw me some pathetic ‘crumbs’ now and again in order to try and say we’re ‘friends’ without putting in any effort whatsoever just pisses me off. If I thought it would achieve anything I’d say something, but I’ll probablg only get a load of excuses. No one wants to be the person pedalling any friendship/ relationship, it just makes you look desperate.

I think it's more that making plans in advance is dead. The few times I make plans in advance with friends it always ends up getting moved and moved, because it seems like a good idea at the time you plan it then when it arrives you can't be bothered. It's much more effective to do last minute things when you are in the mood, text a friend and it all just falls into place at the last minute. I'm as guilty as the next person here, so tend to just play things by ear.