AIBU asking for help.

[Parsleyisntfood]

Fully expecting a pasting here but need to vent.
I think I’m in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I haven’t left the house in 2 weeks. I am in a constant state of panic. I’m loosing my temper and then weeping for hours, literally hours. Bills haven’t been paid and deadlines not met. I went to the dr this morning because my DH begged me too when I asked for a divorce. I’m in a weird calm right now but at 4 this morning decided to get a divorce and leave my son and move away to where no one knows me and never come back.

This is what I said to the gp this morning. I know there’s no magic pill that makes me better. But I’m drowning. Getting to the dr this morning was physically painful and I can’t imagine ever wanting to leave the house again. Ask for help. That’s what your always told. Go to the doctor they can help you, be honest.
I came away with a list of places I can call like the Samaritans (one off not long term help) and another list of serives I can ask to be referrred for. She advised I come back in 4 weeks.
AIBU that this is no help. I didn’t think she could wave a wand but I felt so vulnerable, I never talk. I you could see me right now I’m a mess.
I’m angry enough right now but it won’t last.
Why tell people to go to the gp? If there’s nothing they can do why waste their time?

I'm sorry you're feeling like this OP.

YANBU that the Drs. have given you absolutely no support. Can you go to another Dr?

I'm currently in a bad place with anxiety and depression. It started years ago but I tried to muddle through myself. It got to the point this year where I've had about 3 months off work and in a constant state of 'can't leave the house'. It's awful. My Drs. were brilliant though. Offered medication and put on waiting lists (sadly this is the state of mental health services now) for therapy / cbt. Luckily I've accessed this through my work as they have a fantastic Occupational Health service.

I was also referred to a service called "Let's Talk" I think it might be regional but it's worth a google to see if something similar is in your area. I'd make another appointment with a different Dr. Ask for medication, or advice on medication. It's not a one pill fits all thing but I was given fluoxetine which is an antidepressant. It's not a quick fix, it takes several weeks for you to notice an effect, but it really has balanced my moods out. I don't feel like a ray of sunshine all the time, and the world isn't wonderful and rosy, but the lows aren't as bad and situations that would have previously made me crumble are manageable. I've foolishly not taken them for a few days (laziness / terrible memory and general apathetic mood atm) and it's definitely taken it's toll, I feel awful with my moods again.

I'd contact MIND and other charities to see of they can offer advice (I'm no expert). The headspace app worked wonders for me if you can download that and some self help books (Mindfulness; a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world (also comes with a CD) and Ruby Wax's "A mindfulness guide for the frazzled") really helped me.

With regards to bills and your financial situation contact citizens advice they have services which can help.

Take it one step at a time, tackling everything at once will be overwhelming and you'll end up regressing. Deal with one problem at a time, and utilise as many help services as you can.

I'm crap at giving advice but I do hope you get the help you need.

That’s basically what I thought the dr would say. Don’t panic we can sort this. I am so conscious that not leaving the house is a terrible idea but I end up having a panic attack when the post comes so it’s a nightmare.
I built myself up to going to the gp and she didn’t seem to believe me at all.
I sought help before and not found it either. It’s a weird place. Maybe I should look into the things you suggested but the thought of blanks looks makes me worry.
I feel like I’m clearly in need of help maybe not though

Self indulgent bump, looking for more opinions. Is this a pull your socks up before we offer help thing?

MN is a funny old place. I think AIBU people are looking for a place to take the piss and nothing about MH let’s you do that. Maybe try posting in chat or another topic? You might get more of a response.

Your GP should have signposted you to your local mh service at primary care level - usually offering cbt style therapies for mild-moderate anxiety, depression etc. They're all called different things in different areas though so might take googling for it. They're usually self referral and in my experience are amazing services x good luck OP x

Maybe I was hoping for too much but I was honest and desperate. There’s an art therapy group on the sheet that runs twice a year but if i could go to that I could go to work.
I guess in a month I’ll either feel better or be more desperate.

Did the GP not suggest any CBT or other therapy or any medication for now? I'm so sorry you feel this way.

No, that’s why I was so mad. I really really worked hard to get make he appointment and get myself there. I hadn’t been out of the house in a fortnight and was looking for a life raft.
But a print out with the Samaritans and youth services (which doesn’t apply), made me feel stupid.
She said to come back in a month which might has well have been a year.

Go back and see a different doctor and DO NOT leave until they have helped you.... some people don't like taking pills or prescribing them but I think they have a time and a place and can help you see the wood for the trees....! I'm so sorry you feel like this but go back and see someone else x

Thank you. I’m a bit pathetic really. I can talk the talk her, got answers for everybody but the reality is I hid from the postman today.
I can probably hide out till after new year and then see if I can go back to the dr. Unfortunately 3 women in my extended family are agoraphobic so I’m well versed at withdrawing into myself.

I'm sorry you are struggling OP. You do sound st the end of your tether. Please book an appointment with another GP ASAP and let them know you just can't cope waiting 4 weeks without help. I'm sure therapy of some sort would help but they can't usually arrange that quickly. I'm not one for popping pills but maybe in this instance a wee something to help chill you out over Christmas might be a good idea. Take care.

OP is there any chance you can access private therapy. At least then you can choose your therapist, make sure they provide the kind of therapy that works best for you and pick a time and place that suits your life and commitments. It can really be a good investment as it may help get you back into work, if that’s what you want.

In the first place, different doctors have different attitudes and abilities in dealing with mh issues. Many of them have received very little training, sometimes much less than other mental health professionals.

Anxiety/depression can definitely cause a lot of the issues you are talking about - not being able to complete simple tasks. The good news is that it can get better. Getting good quality support though is essential. In the meantime can you get any support in some of the practical issues? For example, would it help if someone went out with you, helped with some of your tasks etc. Staying at home is not helpful in the long term and will make things worse.

Good luck OP

I am in a similar place. Although coming out of it after a while.

I went to my GP who referred me for counselling. The waiting list was huge.
I kept calling GP who told me i had to wait etc.
I ended up turning to the initial response (crisis) team. They have been great.
I have finally be allocated a CPN.
While i have been waiting and in hiding (also agoraphobic) i have been looking into the law of attraction a lot.

Today was the first day i managed to actually go out. I had thoughts about it over the weekend, which in itself was progress. Im pleased i finally acted on those thoughts.

In the past i have had graded exposure work with previous cpns. The one that sticks in my memory was baby steps.

Stand at the door. Walk away. Repeat until.comfortable.
Open the door. Walk away. Repeat again.
Gradually build yourself up in baby steps to actually leaving the house.

Its not much but because of that, when i am of sound(ish) mind - i can walk around my town (my comfort zone). I still cant do shops, public transport or other places on my own.
I have also managed to get a job that is in my comfort zone.

Dont lose hope. You will get there.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

When my DH's mental health was at rock bottom, I knew he wouldn't be able to drag himself to the GP repeatedly so I booked a private appointment as an emergency measure. Once his health was in hand, the records are transferred to your GP.

I know it's not cheap (£100-150)but for us it was very worthwhile to give up some luxuries and get some urgency from the doctor.

You are not stupid and you are not pathetic. Some might judge the advice of the GP to be both though!
Could you get a phone appointment? Maybe with a different GP?

This is all good to hear. I will think about going private, I hadn’t thought about that. The gp was a nice baby step because I knew I’d be out in 7 mins max, and hour seems a looong time. Except I know I need to deal with this so at some point I’m going to need to. It’s hard drawing attention to it though. I remember being told (the last time I felt like this) that when you start therapy you often feel worse because you acknowledge how you actually feel, rather than the front. That scares me to death but maybe I just need to surrender to it. Or decide if getting divorced and abandoning my son is better.

GPs are not psych consultants or CBT therapists or counsellors. It is so sad as the govt cut funding in mental health sector where it's most needed.
Ask your GP if there are any talking therapies or support groups locally. Take small steps, set small goals as mentioned above.
Take care and keep talking to your DH

Get your DH to help. Seeing as you do actually want help then it is OK to ask him to find services that might help and do all the ringing around for you. Later you will have to take on responsibility for it yourself but right now when you desperate for help but are in too bad a state to cope with set backs like at the GP then its perfectly OK to get someone else to take control of the process for a bit.

V sorry you’re in a bad place right now. Some local areas have MH services to which you can self refer, with info online.

Or as PP says see or ask for a phone or face to face appointment with another GP, or a private GP, and if you’re comfortable to do so take your H, seek to be referred to talking therapies and/or to have medication.

Good to hear you are looking at possibilities OP. Yes counselling can at times make you feel worse. But it can also help you feel better and not so overwhelmed. If you have a good counsellor, they will not only explore with you your fears and difficulties but also help you to rediscover your resources and strengths, which feeling worn down can make you feel you have lost. You can learn strategies which can help you to deal with stressful situations going forward and you can improve communication within your relationships which will help you to feel more ‘heard’ and more secure. It’s hard work and sometimes difficult but it can really, really help.

OP, 💐 for you. If you can go private, DO IT - I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and private Dr literally saved my life: