to feel so unhappy

[JoshHommesWife]

Up until 2 months ago I was a postgraduate student, had my own flat and a partner. I was struggling with mental health problems, but my partner provided me comfort, and although there were times when he was downright abusive, I'd much rather put up with that and have the small amount of affection he gave me.

I've suspended my PhD until next Sept, I couldn't face doing it back in October. But now i'm working in retail again and I feel like crying every time I go in, and cry walking home when I've finished my shift. The people are lovely, but I just feel so deflated that i'm no closer to the career I so want to get into.

I gave notice on my flat to move in with partner, but he called things off. I get the impression I was too clingy (mental health issues kinda make you want to be around people all the time). So I ended up without an income or a place to live and returned to my mum and dads. I don't really get on with my parents, i love them, but it's always tense and arguments happen hourly.

I spend my time sleeping, have stopped eating properly (I've dropped from 8 stone to 7 1/2 stone since October), have pushed my friends away and just feeling numb. I'm on the waiting list for therapy, but this won't be til the new year.

I'm so so unhappy. I'm back in the same position as I was at 18. Now I'm 24, I feel my life is sliding downhill. I know I shouldn't say this, but I hate the fact my ExP has got everything he wanted - he got a job promotion days after he split from me, still has the flat, still goes out and has a social life. Part of me wants him to suffer like he made me do during the relationship.

I'm just lost, I don't know where to start rebuilding my life. I'm losing motivation to wake up anymore.

You're doing ok, chin up. I was in this position but my house was also repossessed. My life could not be more different now and this was only 8 yrs ago. I moved, got a new job, a whole new batch of friends and then moved again, met DH and now have DD. At 24 there are so many possibilities of how fantastic life can be...promise...

Well its not ideal, but all I see are temporary glitches. I think you were very wise to delay your phd until you are feeling better. You are only 24! I think we often underestimate how long things take to get sorted and established in life. I think ypu should concentrate on one thing at a time, and the first one should be getting better. Get some dates in the diary with friends, or something to look forward to. Its tempting to lean on your dp but I find you really have to own depression and work through it yourself. Try and approach it as if he wasnt in your life.

Hi

I don't want to comment too much on your mental health side of things because I'm not an expert and I don't want to make you feel worse or suggest the wrong thing.

I think you need to be kinder and easier on yourself, your 24 you don't need to have it all together right now. Everything you've listed can be temporary for you. You haven't done anything that cant be rectified.

Maybe if you broke it all down into manageable chunks and just did small things to try and get closer to where you want to be that would help. Don't try and tackle it all as one big problem that needs to be fixed.

You need to look after yourself first and foremost.

This is all salvageable - as PP's have said.

Your priority right now is to get well. One step at a time so that when you return to study you are robust enough to finish off the course of study.

You need to count your blessings that a "downright abusive" man is out of your life.

You need to get physically and mentally well so that you don't let men like that in your life again and realise that it is better to be single and self-reliant than put up with a shit partner.

This is not the end of the world. It's a hiatus where self-care is the main focus. It's the foundations for your future. At 24 time is well and truly on your side.

I hit a bump in the road at your age and felt all was lost. I promise you it isn't. I'm 47 now and my life turned out so much better than I thought it would.

Yours will too. Be kind to yourself.