Father Christmas

[Moshmoshi]

Again- sorry! I think my 12yr old DD still believes - just a few little comments that she's said to me or DH. I feel like I should make sure she knows before someone at school makes her feel like an idiot (she's Y8) I don't want to spoil her Christmas though. She hated finding out that we'd lied about the tooth fairy about 3 years ago.)

So how should I do it? Direct conversation either before or after Xmas, wait to see if it comes up and tell her indirectly as in 'he's part of the magic of Christmas' or make sure a few of her stocking things have labels still on (FC only does stockings in our house) Previously when she or DS (10) have asked I've said 'What do you think?' I also have an 8yr old and a 4 yr old if that makes any difference

It's so close to Christmas now I think I'd be inclined to let her have this last one and then slowly introduce the idea if she does still believe next year. Maybe mentioning things like still keeping the secret for your 4yo and things like that?

Don't know why I posted this in AIBU sorry- meant to put it in chat.

Thanks Summer, that's what I was planning to do if she asks directly but I was just worried she might say something to friends then feel like an idiot.

She's managed a year and 3 months in senior school without telling everyone she still believes, so I'd say her secret is safe.

Clearly she's just playing along with you though and possibly for the benefit of her younger siblings, which is lovely.

Just make sure she knows that when she 'comes clean', she'll still get a santa stocking so it will make no difference at all.

Mine are aged 26yrs, 18yrs and 15yrs and they still get a santa stocking...mostly full of novelty gifts that make them smile. Oh and the Guinness Book of Records/Ripleys always go in their sacks too

I very much doubt someone of that age still believes. I think she is playing along for your benefit.

We still had stockings - every time we were at my DMs right up until I had my own DC.

I'm not sure if she is playing along, she's quite trusting, gullible even. I don't want to ask her directly.

She could well believe my 11 yo ds still believed when I told him the summer holidays before starting senior school.
I figured same as you if it came up in school he would be mocked for it. He still has a bit of a chip on his shoulder about it and brings it up this time of year

I think the word 'lie' is very emotive and possibly misleading.

Often, when children have long stopped believing in these things, they still love that frisson of possibility, so part of the magic is playing along with the story and enjoying the 'maybe'.

I would see no reason to ask her directly. As a previous poster said, she's managed up until now without letting the other kids at school know she still believes so it sounds as though she's occupying that lovely space between understanding and not ruining the fun.

I told my child, I didn’t want them to be made fun of at secondary school. She may already know but it’s up to you, in my case it was important for me to stop this before it could happen. Sad but necessary in our case.

My DS asked me directly last year..He found he was in a bit of no mans land, however we talked about nothing changing. However this year he is back to embracing it ( now 10) ..

I would pose some questions..What do others say about Santa? Etc...I would be suprised if she hasn't realised at 12.

My ds1 has Aspergers and is 13. I think he believes. Ds2 is 10, he believes so he can get a stocking full of presents! We've never had the talk. I'm not sure I could ever tell them. I like the innocence of childhood.

Thing is, I think that many of us learn that Father Christmas isn't real by being told by other children. If I recall I think I felt annoyed about being lied to but learning the truth wasn't too earth shattering.

I'm not sure if my dd(11) still believes. She's very nosy so it wouldn't surprise me if she'd found the stocking pressies already. She has questioned me, I just tell her if you don't believe, you won't get any presents from Santa so she's probably just playing along.

I found out aged about 5, thanks to a friend's older sibling.

I'm now mid-30s and have never questioned the existence of Father Christmas with my parents.

She very probably knows.

Has she got SEN? If not she must already know.

Saw a great video on FB this week - when your DC is suspecting, take them out for some grown up time, and tell them as they are so grown up now and understanding, that it is time for them to graduate into being a Santa themselves. They have to pick someone in the neighbourhood and figure out what little gift could make life easier for them, and sort it all out (ie, buy, wrap, deliver secretly), but NEVER tell anyone that they did the deed. The Santas get to enjoy that warm feeling from giving.
And explain that obviously, one person couldn't possibly go all around the planet in one night, so when we get grown up enough to be caring and responsible, we are allowed to graduate into being a Santa, and part of that responsibility is to keep it hush-hush for the littlies.
Or some such.
Just so it's viewed differently from 'lying to me'.
Make it special to know and be in the grown up group.

She knows. It's nothing to do with trusting , she will Just know it's not possible. BUT magic is magic, and we all want to believe in something so lovely, so she plays along.
If she is offended when she finds out, term her with a wink that you have to " believe " to get a stocking.