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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask you to help us change our lives...

11 replies

Prusik · 08/12/2017 09:23

Good morning! I'm just going through a little problem solving exercise in my head. I guess I'm after positivity but also any major drawbacks that I may not have spotted.

Here goes...

Our current lives - we're struggling but not destitute. One DS 11 months and one due in Feb (13 month age gap). We own our house, mortgage pretty reasonable but feels high at the moment due to finances. I've just started maternity leave and will go back to work Sept 18. We have some tax credits and I am self employed. DH was self employed but his business went down in a heap of flames due to some legal issues. DH now works full time in a shop (earning not a lot) and is being hammered for tax until hmrc sort transition from SE to PAYE. One 15k loan outstanding, one van worth about 5k, one car, value irrelevant.

Here's the plan - sell van, pay off towards loan and renegotiate repayment to a more manageable rate. I'll eventually go back evenings, aiming to work about 12 hours a week out of the house (plus prep and business admin time). DH desperate to do more. Going back to his business isn't viable. He's considering doing a degree part/full time to work towards going into the probation service/police/prison service - possibly something to do with rehabilitation.

I guess the questions are. Is working evenings with two young boys going to be viable? We certainly can't afford childcare. What do I need to consider RE DH potentially going PT work and PT study? Would it be feasible for him to work FT and study PT? Is that even possible with a wife who works evenings and two youngsters? When would he start? September? Imagine that, a 1 year old, an 8 month old, one working FT and studying PT one working PT.

Other considerations - I have a teaching degree so could get a higher paid job full time and DH could stay home with the boys and study evenings. My evening rate is actually really good and it would be such a shame to miss out on that, plus I really enjoy being home with DS and we survive well with DH working FT and me PT. Final consideration - I'm pretty happy with my business at the moment but will probably look at changing into a different field when the boys start school.

We need to move ourselves forwards. We can't rely on tax credits and need to increase our earning potential. DH feels like he needs and wants more than to work in a shop. He enjoys the job and works hard but would like a career.

I think that's it. Thank you!

OP posts:
Prusik · 08/12/2017 11:51

Just a shameless bump incase anyone is around over lunch time

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 08/12/2017 11:56

Do you want to go back into teaching? You'd be committing yourself to a very long and often stressful working day.

If your husband could work full time and have a lot of the evenings free for study (ie the kids going to bed early) that would work, but if he's working full time, up until 10 with the kids and then trying to study it would be a nightmare.

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 12:09

You should go back to work and your DH can stay at home with your child and study online or part time. If you have earning potential it would be stupid not to use it.

butterfly990 · 08/12/2017 12:23

Have a look at this forum for your husband's business.

www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forums/insolvency.163/

grobagsforever · 08/12/2017 12:27

You should go back to work FT, husband does childcare and studying.

Prusik · 08/12/2017 12:36

Going back into teaching would be utterly hellish for me. I managed 3.5 years before I started suffering from depression had a complete breakdown. I took 12 months out to get better before starting my business. However, for the greater good of the family I would 100% go back into teaching if needed.

@butterfly990 thank you, he was a sole trader. Everything on the business side of things is resolved.

OP posts:
lynmilne65 · 08/12/2017 13:53

12 months to get better and you're thinking of going back ? Not a great plan

Prusik · 08/12/2017 14:56

You're right. It's a bloody shit plan Grin

I think I struggle to get my head around the fact that I could work full time and earn the same amount that we currently earn with DH working FT and me working PT.

Truth is, I want to be home during the day with my boys and then work evenings. But I can't work out how DH can study around working full time and then me being gone in the evenings. I guess I know that I'd have to take on more housework/cooking/etc, which I'm happy to do, but don't always manage if DS is having a tough day. Currently DH gets home, finishes dinner with DS, baths him, plays with him, puts him to bed and does any tidying that needs to be done.

DH isn't pushing the fact that he wants to study on me but I want to try to gather my thoughts before we sit down and talk about it. I want to help make it work for him somehow as it'll be good for him and good for us as a family unit

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user1497997754 · 08/12/2017 15:05

What about working over night....the money is a lot better than day time hours when I was a single parent I used to do it.

Prusik · 08/12/2017 15:13

That could work actually - my hourly rate is pretty good so probably not much point me dropping my business hours to earn less working overnight and having to do more hours. But maybe DH would be able to switch to nights and drop down to 30 hours rather than 40. That's a really good idea!

I just had a quick chat to dh on the phone. He doesn't sound keen for me to go back to teaching for obvious reasons

OP posts:
Prusik · 08/12/2017 18:02

DH has come home with a proposal to work 4 days a week but three of those days a bit longer so he'd only miss out on five hours a week of pay. That doesn't sound too bad?

OP posts:
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