Parents and Christmas

[gurugremlin]

I am one of 6 children, our separated parents are in their 80’s. Almost every year either Mum or Dad stays with dh and I at Christmas. My youngest brother and sister also have Mum or Dad regularly. My other 3 siblings never have my mum or Dad at Christmas.
This year my dad is coming to us along with my daughter and her boyfriend. My mum arranged to visit my youngest sister but ds rang today to say her anxiety levels are high and she can no longer have my Mum, she wants me to have Mum. My younger brother is already committed to his mil coming at Christmas although he may have Mum if I ask.
I feel quite annoyed with my other siblings. This year already my mum has spent 8 weeks with us and I know she would like to visit one of her other children. She is welcome to come to us but I cannot collect Mum as I am fetching Dad.
I now have to tell her that my sister will no longer have her and that she must buy another train ticket to us. I also need to acquire a another bed! I feel tempted to approach my other siblings about inviting Mum but is it my responsibility? Perhaps I should just put a positive spin on the situation for Mum and get on with it. Advice please.

I now have to tell her that my sister will no longer have her

is your sister mute?

Well that’s actually my fault because I told her not to tell Mum for a few days while I think what to do. But now I wonder if to just ring Mum and invite her here.

Your sister could email or text everyone and say “one of you needs us invite Mum for Christmas. I’m not well and guru is already hosting Dad so neither of us can do it. Please let me know by Monday so I can tell Mum that you’ll be in touch about arrangements”

I have a big family and our Christmas rota with my (vile) parents is worked out at least 3 years in advance

I would text or email the other siblings explaining that DS isn't well and since you are already hosting DF and don't have enough beds, one of them needs to step up. I would point out that you and/or your sister have been the ones to accommodate your parents every year and that you think it would mean a lot to your DM to get an invitation from one of her other children for once.

Yes what pp said. It’s bonkers to start finding extra beds. Tell your other siblings that as you are having dad one of them needs to invite your mum. Honestly don’t just shoulder this by yourself.

Thanks everyone. I have messaged my adult niece and either she or her Dad (my eldest brother) is going to have Mum. My sister is going to ring Mum tomorrow now to say she can’t have her and put the other options to her. Fingers crossed it all works out.