AIBU to hate my subconscious?!

[Beerwench]

Working night shifts so I've been asleep today. Had a really good sleep except for one thing - a vivid dream about my ex.
We've been split 8/9 months though there was contact up until 4 months ago, I stopped that contact as I didn't want to be reminded of the relationship. He cheated multiple times, accused me of all sorts, got drunk a lot, and the lies, oh dear God the lies - thought I was going mad! This guy was very affectionate, love bombing maybe? Especially when he'd been at it with someone else, like he created a persona of 'I'm so lovely, how could you ever think that of me?' But the shit used to hit the fan big time if I continued to be suspicious, But I got out and have done a pretty good job of getting over it all and moving on - until today.
I had a dream about him, very vivid and very realistic. I knew everything I know now, but I didn't care, I was back in his arms and it felt great and right and I felt loved and like it was worth putting up with all that shit to feel loved. I woke up feeling happy and content, and then was overwhelmed with sadness that it wasn't true.
What the fuck is wrong with me?! It's like even my own subconscious thinks so little of me that I deserve to be treated like that and should be happy about it!
It's made me think about him, which had stopped more or less without a specific trigger and then it was usually fleeting.
I realise it was only a dream but it really has upset and confused me, because the feelings feel raw and real and I thought I was passed that!
Slap talk some sense into MN!!

into me MN

I think everyone has moments like this after they break up with someone - there must of been some good bits or you never would have been a couple to begin with. As time goes on the worst memories are no longer as clear in your mind and not necessarily the ones that always stick out but deep down you know you broke for very good reasons because you deserve to be treated better than that. Fleeting moments are fine OP but just remember thats all they are and deep down you know how it would really be.

If it lessens your feelings of anxiety I had a dream I had an affair with a soap character (who dh knows I swoon after). We had a baby, dh came with me to register the birth and I gave the other man's name!! Woke up feeling like I had really cheated!! The sleeping mind mocks us at times.

I used to get this. It freaked me out. After a while I figured that it was a dream trying to tell me something rather than about himself, IYSWIM, I think it was usually if I was a bit down (so dreaming of him didn’t frigging help!) I took it to mean “no matter how much you might want to meet someone, don’t lower your standards you deserve better”. Hope that helps!

The sleeping mind mocks us at times
Yes that's exactly what it felt like!
Thanks for the answers, I thought I'd done really well to work through stuff and get on with life and thought I'd dealt with my feelings.
Just a bit pissed off that my own brain has in a way set me back because I have been thinking about him again. Maybe I needed to accept the good bits of the relationship too to truly move on?

I’m really not sure. This won’t help - but I thought mine stopped when he died but it was just a little break. So now i5 still happens and reminds me that he’s also dead!
I think you have to learn to live with the annoyance o& the occasional odd dream abou5 him, realise it’s probably linked to an emotion and not let it do your head in too much.
An£D yes I guess there were some good bits in among the bad bits too.

This is normal. We all feel this way about our perception of “mr right” Holsing onto it doesn’t help. Your real soulmate is out there but you won’t know them until u let go of “mr wrong”

People in dreams don't represent the real people, they are aspects of your psyche that your brain is working hard trying subconsciously to integrate.

Would it help to think of the emotions : being secure, loved, held, and in a safe place? The way you tell it makes me think it was a dream about recognising the need tp be loved Could your dream be telling you that you haven't been caring for yourself enough? Been looking for comfort in the "wrong" place, etc etc?

It's not a dream of him. It's a dream of you.

I hate my brain for this kind of thing. I recently worked up the courage to take myself away from a situation that was ruining my life. Don't regret my decision at all, but I still dream about being back where I was. It is a horrid reminder when I wake up. Sometimes in the dream I stand up for myself but mostly I am just reacting the way I did irl. The brain is a funny thing