To dread this birthday party?

[passemoilevin]

The (first and) last birthday party my DD (2.8) went to was in the summer. It was bloody horrific, 2 hours of hell. She pretty much clung to me the entire time, v emotional, lots of crying and wouldn't really play at all. Pass the parcel came out and she sobbed every time she had to pass it on. She perked up at the sight of food but then got upset when she couldn't blow out the candles. She called herself mama at the time, and was shouting NO ITS MAMAS BIRTHDAY which made things even worse as looked like she was insisting I should blow them out

most of the kids there were closer to 3, and she had just turned 2 - but still, it really was horrific.. I was counting down the minutes for us both! I did think about taking her home early but didn't want to be rude as birthday boys Mum said he never stopped talking about her and said she was his best friend, and thought maybe she'd get used to it. Not sure if this was a bad call. I had a lot of wine that night.

I know she sounds like an nightmare kid but she's a good egg really. Very loving and funny, and usually really confident. I think she was just overwhelmed at her first (non family) party and a bit confused at seeing her nursery friends outside school. Also she's quite indulged by GP's.. allowed to blow out their candles and always getting presents and stuff. I'm working on that as they can't see the harm but I'm scared it's making her spoilt (though I get all 2 year olds are probably a little self obsessed by nature).

So her next ones Saturday and I'm absolutely dreading it. I'm chatting to her a lot about it, saying oh it's X's birthday so he'll be blowing out the candles as it's his special day; yours comes after Christmas. Taking her to get his present etc so she can think about it all before the day. I don't know how much she's really taking in. But I think 6 months is a long time to a toddler, she understands a lot more now and I'm so hoping she and I won't be so miserable.

Any other tips? Or should we just sack it off and live out the rest of our days as two social pariahs?

Take her, don't be afraid to leave early, if it gets too much. Could she be noise sensitive, mabey headphones, to block some of the noise.

She really was very tiny for the first party. I would take her and leave early if necessary. Being just two it will have been very difficult for her to comprehend what on earth was taking place and why.

Go, she might love it. If she's hating it, go home. She doesn't sound like a nightmare at all, she sounds like a normal but confused 2 year old.

Try it and see. Some 4/5 years olds still dont like them so its perfectly normal

Horrific? Thats a bit strong. It sounds like normal two year old behaviour to me. Chill. Take her and if it gets too much then say she's tired and leave. :)

Pretty much all 2 year old cry when they have to pass on the present in pass the parcel. It's a terrible game for toddlers.

It'll probably be much better this time. And if it's not, I wouldn't worry. Leave if it gets too stressful.

Horrific probably was a bit strong I just have pretty bad absolutely dehabilitating anxiety and had never been in that kind of environment before and struggled to manage it or know what to do for the best. Sounds silly I know. But I was so nervous the night before I hardly slept. Such is the wankiness of anxiety, I guess. But I'm trying my best not to give this to my DD so am always trying to push myself so she grows up not suffering and having had loads of fun - not stuck at home cause her mums anxious. Medicated and doing counselling and all that jazz.

This time I'll be more prepared to leave if she's not enjoying it. Thanks everyone

Normal little one behaviour but put a stop to GPs letting her blow out their birthday candles and giving her presents on other people's birthdays because that is setting her up to be a little madam on other's birthdays when she is older. No one likes that 7 year old.

Oh give it a miss. She’s 2!

She's only little. And will have changed in the last few months which will be a massive amount of time for her so won't necessarily behave the same way.
I think you might be worrying a little bit too much about her behaviour which sounds pretty standard for a 2/3 year old (ds and I went to a couple of 3rd birthday parties where the party boy/girl sobbed throughout!)
Just keep talking to her about the party and the sort of things that are going to happen (I still have to do this with my 4 year old) and go if it gets too much for her.
And don't worry. Where there are a lot if toddlers at least one of them will be having a tantrum at any one point!

six months is a long time in the life of a toddler - she may well cope better now, - she's a bit young for you to give up on parties for ever
Everything at the last party sounbd sperfectly normal for a toddler to do.

As for GP's letting her blow out candles etc - it's not making her spoilt, it's making her confused, she obviously thinks that wherever there are birthdaycandles it is her job to blow them out.

Do a little role play with teddies or dolls - have a toys tea party and let them all have a turn at being the birthday 'girl or boy' and then they blow out the candles on the cake and unwrap the presents - just general chat about birthdya etiquette and customs - much as you are d ]oing. She'll be fine.

I've never been to any party fro under fives where one child wasn;t flinging about at some point - par for the course, combination of over excitment, too much sweet food and unfamiliar situation.

Social anxiety and children's parties are a marriage made in hell it has to be said. I suffer a bit and despite my earlier advice to you to 'chill' I must admit that I always really hated kids parties. Its just that I am older now and my kids are teenagers and bringing up kids kind of knocks that social anxiety out of you a bit and after while you realise that you can survive. Be kind to yourself and just 'bubble up' (imagine a protective bubble around you). Look forward to the day when you can drop her off and pick up later.

Aaaah ! She will get used to them

This made me giggle OP and one day as she throws herself round a soft play you will laugh at this too !

The more you take her the easier it will get for both of you.

Get there a bit early so it's not so busy, not too early though, and don't worry if you need to leave early. Just say she had a bad night and is tired

Pass the parcel ALWAYS results in tears.

Your post took me right back to taking my DS1 (he would have been around 2) to a party where every single one of the other children behaved angelically including politely passing the parcel to one another while mine lay in the middle of the circle sobbing because he couldn't understand why he couldn't open the present. Bloody awful!

He did get used to them and enjoyed many a party (although I skipped pass the bloody parcel at his own parties for a long time!)

Role play sounds like a great idea and one I wish I'd though of at the time.

I'd take her but be prepared to leave early if she starts getting upset.

Mentioned it to the Host Mum so that you can leave if you need to. I think you’ve done good preparation this time. She’s a lot older so there’s no reason for a repeat of last time. Good luck!

Ah I was like this with my first child. Every time she behaved badly (which was a lot!) I nearly died inside and resolved never to do X again until she was 16.

By the second child you learn to go "meh, oh dear, she's not having a good day". And you have learned that nobody is judging as they have all been there too and they are just grateful it's not their child (on that particular day).

Oh yes and Pass The Parcel seems to have been designed as some kind of child wind up exercise. Seriously who ever thought that one up.

Op this is your anxiety getting to you. You have described a completely normal 2 year old at a party.

Both my kids did exactly that at the same age - i remember leaving a party very mortified when my eldest did all the things you describe...but by child 2 I realised it was par for the course!

2 is so little. My daughter became hysterical during pass the parcel and had to be taken out of the game at that age.

I fucking hate pass the parcel.

Your little one will enjoy parties more as she grows older fear not....

I’d take her but be prepared to leave if she’s finding it too much. It seems to me it is a good chance for your DD to get used to the party environment and for you to worry less about what others might think ( but probably don’t)