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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who's BU - rearranged Christmas lunch

46 replies

toomuchtooold · 06/12/2017 07:21

We and our 2 kids were invited over to DH's brother's/SIL's house for a bit of a Christmas dinner on 26th December, and DBIL has just emailed this morning rescheduling it to the 28th. DH is really annoyed and talking about telling him we can't make it or telling him he's not impressed with the late change. I am not bothered and want him to accept with good grace. Who's right?

To avoid drip feeding - we don't have anything planned on that day as yet. DH's parents don't live nearby so this is DH's only family meetup. Our girls and their three boys are each other's only cousins. SIL is a bit of a pain in the arse - a lot of comparing and bragging and stuff, and I once caught her pointing and laughing at our car, which is a bit old and beaten up. DH thinks she's got a better offer and bumped us, and is quite insulted that his brother would agree to that. I think he might be right but I don't really care, I just want the kids to see each other, and I don't want it to be awkward.

What do you think?

OP posts:

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 06/12/2017 09:15

3 weeks is not plenty of notice for Christmas week. Mine is already full of which lumps of family and friends we are seeing over that period so I wouldn't be able to accommodate a change at this point!

Chapterandverse · 06/12/2017 09:24

It might annoy me slightly but then I'd realise I wouldn't have to go anywhere that day and be ok!

The thing Is, here the 26th is like a other Christmas day for us, so to be invited for 26th lunch would be an important date. We always have my parents on 26th - if I cancelled til 28th (I'm back at work then anyway) it would be a massive deal to my parents as it's no longer boxing day lunch but just lunch.

But everyone one is different - that's just how I was brought up but I understand to others the 26th is just another day.

Ceto · 06/12/2017 09:27

Do brothers really communicate about things like this by email?

Why not? I do purely social arrangements with my siblings by email, anything else I pick up the phone.

mindutopia · 06/12/2017 09:34

I don't see what the big deal is. I think it would be different if it was actual Christmas lunch. Like you were invited to Christmas with them, but now they've cancelled and left you alone on Christmas day. But it's not even Christmas. It's just lunch. You can do it any day. Perhaps they have family coming to stay with them now over Christmas and realised it's too much of a full house and they didn't want to neglect their house guests. Or they just want a break and to have a day as a family right after Christmas. I don't quite see why your DH would think it's a big deal. My BIL/SIL live too far away to just pop over for lunch, so I'd be happy just to see them any day if we could.

PumpkinSquash · 06/12/2017 09:38

They've asked you 3 weeks in advance whether you would mind changing from the 26th to two days later on the 28th (presumably as that's more convenient for them otherwise they wouldn't be asking for the change?)
You say you have nothing on on the 28th. So can presumably do that day instead?
So what on earth is the problem?
YABU.

StrangeAndUnusual · 06/12/2017 09:38

I'd be pleased, kids will much prefer Boxing Day at home to play with their new toys, and then going out on the 28th to see their cousins will be a welcome change, and less disruption for you & DH than getting everyone up & ready to go on Boxing Day morning.

i can see DH's point if it is a 'bumping' thing, but I would just think 'well it suits us too' and go with it. But if it was inconvenient for you, then I'd agree with him and just say politely, sorry can't make it.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 06/12/2017 09:41

Why are you so bothered? Some people just like a lie in and to chill on Boxing Day maybe they've decided it's a bit much.
You don't have other plans so it's not a major issue you are being a bit over the top.

Temporary2002 · 06/12/2017 09:48

We are pretty easy going and would accept.

Original poster

toomuchtooold · 06/12/2017 09:51

Why make a point about it and cut off your nose to spite your face, upset your kids, punish your nephews and nieces because you want to play playground games.

^So what on earth is the problem? confused
YABU.^

Why are you so bothered?

Guys. Guys. It is my DH who is bothered. I don't care. I'm going to show DH the thread later to show him he's the only person getting his nose seriously out of joint over this

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 06/12/2017 10:04

Most of my family and dhs would think it very rude because 1. Most of us would be unable to make it - 3 weeks is not plenty of notice for Christmas, and the 26th is for us Christmas Day equivalent - with large families Christmas needs to take a few days . We'd go if we could but we would be extremely pissed off if we couldnt unless they had an extremely good reason.

Ilovetolurk · 06/12/2017 10:21

Another one failing to see the problem

Original poster

toomuchtooold · 06/12/2017 16:03

Well we're now back on for the 26th. DH texted me that he'd told his brother we wouldn't be coming if it was the 28th. I phoned him up and told him he was acting like a dick towards DBIL, and also to the kids who would like to see their cousins, and to me, who would like... the kids to see their cousins . I told him he was acting like a kid. I still don't think he really gets how shite this is. I don't appreciate him making these decisions unilaterally. He seems to think he's still single rather than having been married 15 years with two bloody kids. He's turning into a right arrogant sod. Is this how guys turn into grumpy old men?

OP posts:

RestingGrinchFace · 06/12/2017 16:04

It's really not that late notice.

KurriKurri · 06/12/2017 16:21

There's something more than jjst ameal going on between your DH an dhis brother isn't there?

The change wouldn;t have bothered me at all, and actually since you were free on the 28th, your Dh is being rude and awkward for the sake of it. Poor you being stuck in the middle of grown up brothers acting like children ! You and SIL should get yourselves a large drink of something nice, retire to another room after and let them slug it out whilst doing the washing up.

sooperdooper · 07/12/2017 23:01

So even though you could've easily changed to 28th your DH has been a pita for no particular reason

There must be some massive history between him & his brother, why be so inflexible for no reason?

Dozer · 08/12/2017 13:21

Yes, what’s the deal between DH and his brother (and SIL)? DH must have his reasons for being pissed off with the change?

It’s primarily your H’s family so IMO he does get to lead on handling, but unless there’s a back story or BIL was bumping you for a “better offer” it does seem heavy handed.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/12/2017 13:38

Wait until you're all sat around the table about to tuck in, then casually asked SIL, 'So what did you guys end up doing on the 26th then?'.

sooperdooper · 08/12/2017 18:17

Wait until you're all sat around the table about to tuck in, then casually asked SIL, 'So what did you guys end up doing on the 26th then?'

But if it was my brother I'd just ask him what was going on upfront, with no drama, no accusations, no trying to cause anyone to feel on the spot - just oh what's come up? :)

BackforGood · 08/12/2017 18:25

Your dh is the only one who IBU.
If you aren't doing anything on 28th, I am another who really fails to see the issue.
You dh is being ridiculous.

Christmas can get busy - there may well be another thing that they want to go to - but I still don't see the issue. As a family, it's just nice to get together with family when it suits everyone.

SingingSeuss · 08/12/2017 18:27

They have given you plenty of notice. If you can make it on the 28 the then I don't see the issue.

HolyShet · 08/12/2017 19:10

It's not short notice even at Christmas

Your DH has got his way by being mardy though. Just what everyone wants for Christmas, more unnecessary familial grief.

Maybe they just wanted to chill out for a day having done SILs rellies the day before or similar.

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