To be freaked out that ex has written a book?

[ApplesTheHare]

My ex has written a novel about relationships I keep telling myself it would be stupidly self-obsessed to worry that any of it will be about me but I can't stop feeling odd.

Would you read it?

You could always get someone else (trusted friend etc) to read it for you and report back...

I once had an ex who wrote a semi-autobiographical novel about his many and varied relationships, centering on his relationship with a much younger ballerina who was his girlfriend right before me (I was also much younger than him, even younger than the ballerina, in fact -- the man in question was basically a groomer of teen girls). He and I had ended up living together not long after the events of the book, and I knew I'd be in it a bit.

I did read it, it was the most pretentious pile of shit you could imagine. All this lionizing of his sexual prowess (IRL he had a small penis and did not know how to use it very well), so much overdramatic crap about true love and soulmates -- the man seemed to find a new soulmate every few months! I swear he routinely fell in love with waitresses when they batted their eyelashes for a better tip.

Mostly, it made the scales fall completely from my eyes. Until then, I'd kind of felt he was a misguided man but one who had helped me mature and had been an overall good influence in my life. After that, I realized he was a narcissistic predator who didn't have a clear view of his actions or how they impacted others.

PS, if anyone wants to read THAT one, it's an incredible insight into the mind of a narcissistic groomer of children and young adults (he started talking to me when I was 15), and how grandiose they can be about themselves and their great loves of the under-20 set. I'll happily send you the title if you PM me.

Just wrote a whole story about my friend who's ex wrote about her in a novel.

Disappeared into cyberspace! - it was good!

Bastard. He made out she was running around with other men - literary interest I guess. (Sex sells).
She never did.

She got her own back by phoning his wife to let her know he was having an affair behind her back. 2 kids they have.

I told her to demand at least 10% of the royalties cos the books are selling.

He's written more, one about his family in an East End type of place.

None of this took place in UK by the way.

Ooh I think I'd have to read it just to see haha

I imagine that a few people you know will read it and most likely comment it to you. So, I'd want to be prepared.

I write romance novels. None of them are about people I know, or relationships I've had. Very few writers base characters or plots on real-life events - the beauty of fiction is you can make it up.

Why would you be 'freaked out' or even care, OP? He's an EX.

It is a bit self-obsessed and egotistical to think that it might be about you but if that's how you feel, that's how you feel.

Why not give yourself great satisfaction by telling yourself 'that's nice' and not giving a shit...

I wouldn't worry. And I wouldn't read it. You're bound to recognise yourself in the book because the human condition is universal: everyone he knows will think he's written it about them.

However, if he's never written anything before it's extremely unlikely that he's being published by a good publisher. It's extremely unusual for people to get their first book published (I've worked in publishing for a while, and can promise you this). If you'd like to PM me the name of the publishers, in confidence of course, I'll let you know if they really are as reputable as he's suggested.

If they are, then he's done really well to get as far as he has. But I am doubtful. (Nasty cynic, me.)

P.s. He and the wife have the 2 kids.

An ex of mine is a novelist and wrote me into various books. It’s impossible not to read them, and it’s actually quite interesting seeing yourself from someone else’s perspective.

But tbh I got bored after a while. I’ve no idea if I turn up in his latest, he’s probably moved onto new people by now.

It did give me a bit of a weird feeling that he used certain of my life experiences without asking me (not that he ever asked me to write about me anyway). But I’d forgotten about that until now so it can’t have affected me that deeply.

I'm a novellist and I write thrillers with relationships at their centre... I worry often about exes and people in my life seeing themselves in my novel. Is he to be published, OP?

So to try and answer a few questions (currently trying not to burn tea):

• book IS fiction and NOT relationship advice
• it's published by one of the big publishing houses. I don't want to say which for fear of outing but they're a household name and have published pulitzers, etc.
• he's not a 'celeb', no Essex-born boyfriends or anything for me
• LyingWitchInTheWardrobe sorry, to clarify, I don't think it's 'about me'. That would be extremely egotistical. I feel weird to think that elements of our relationship might be in it for the world to read. We were each others' first loves along with all that tends to bring.
• unfortunately he's not a dick. We've been friends and had a couple of dalliances over the years since it ended, though those days are definitely behind us.

99balloons Ha! I hadn't considered that authors might worry that other people would read themselves into their characters but that makes sense.

Apples, therein lies your answer. He's not a dick and the experiences actually sound life affirming and are now immortalised. Nobody can tie them back to you, it's just a story that means something only to you and your ex, nobody else.

If you're now friends, why not go out for lunch together to celebrate and put the book not yourselves to bed?

I'm a fiction writer, published by a big publisher.

Personally, I wouldn't be too worried. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your ex; I can't imagine why he would want to damage this by writing stuff about you that is exposing.

TBH, most contemporary (commercial) novels are about relationships, aren't they? In some form? And most writers I know lean on their own lives for character building - but it's not necessarily obvious to anyone else.

The thing with relationships is that they're not generally very unique. I mean obviously the relationship is unique to the individuals in them, but generally most relationships aren't that out of the ordinary in that they usually involve boy meets girl, they get to know each other, fall in love, things happen, they may or may not fall out of love, that sort of thing. So in truth it's most likely that we would recognise something about our own relationships in any novel we read if we thought it was written by someone we'd previously been involved with iyswim.

Very few writers base characters or plots on real-life events

There are literally millions of novels based on real people and real life events.

I'd get my lawyer to read it.

Ferrous now I wish to know who you are! I wonder if we know each other

I'd definitely not advise reading it, and would think I shouldn't, but I can't imagine not reading it! I'd probably get overlooked and be secretly annoyed.

Thanks everyone, I've decided not to read it. I'm sure a lot of you are right and that I'd probably unintentionally read myself into bits that weren't about me. Luckily ex and I are now with other people and don't see each other regularly so he won't be able to ask if I've read it!

Oh fuck that. Live a little. I read mine and it was fine.