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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is jealous?

24 replies

Wishiwasholsk · 03/12/2017 16:39

I was very overweight and friend (at work) was constantly pushing slimming world on me. I 100% knew it wasn't for me.

Fast forward 6 months and I'm 4 stone lighter through better eating and exercising. Friend is still very overweight.

Everyone else has complimented me on my weight loss. She's said nothing.

Just makes the odd dig about how unhealthy I am etc and I'm the last person who can comment on nutrition .... this is a person that eats a massive cooked breakfast and sweets all day. I don't judge her for it and I'd never comment but her comments really sting sometimes.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 03/12/2017 16:41

Definitely jealous. Well done on the weight loss!!

AnnetteCurtains · 03/12/2017 16:42

Who knows ?
Congratulations to you though

PinkHeart5914 · 03/12/2017 16:43

She’s just miffed because she is over weight still and your not, people like that are just annoyed with themselves for the lack of willpower when they see someone else succeed

Lizzie48 · 03/12/2017 16:50

Maybe she was hoping that you would go to Slimming World and it would give her a push to go as well? It isn't easy going to one of those groups on your own. So she's miffed now that you've managed it and she hasn't.

Well done on your weight loss. Thanks

Iloveanimals · 03/12/2017 16:50

To not mention something like that definitely means she's jealous. Well done.

WasDoingFine · 03/12/2017 16:52

She is jealous because for the first time you are slimmer than her and she can't handle it. She defines herself by comparing herself to you and when you were bigger in her mind that meant she wasn't as big as she thought...but now she has to face the fact that she is overweight and has nothing to justify it against

Original poster
Wishiwasholsk · 03/12/2017 16:54

Thank you for the well done Smile

It's not the class as she goes to one when she's off work (she's part time). So I would have never gone with her anyway. She'd also been going to it long before she tried to push it on me.

OP posts:
HoneyIshrunkthebiscuit · 03/12/2017 16:57

I swear i've read this before...

yousignup · 03/12/2017 16:59

6 months,wow! Well done! How did you do it?

FurryLittleTwerp · 03/12/2017 17:03

Slimming World & similar groups are not aiming to help people become slim & stay slim - they'd go out of business. It's clearly not helping your colleague very much as she's not losing much weight.

Healthy eating, portion control & exercise is the way - just as you have demonstrated Smile

Agree she's jealous - no-one to compare with / blame now.

ElephantsandTigers · 03/12/2017 17:04

Me too, HoneyI..

dangermouse7 · 03/12/2017 17:15

Playing devils advocate, do you think you may be a but smug/full of yourself around her? People who lose a few stone and 4 or 5 dress sizes, and 6-8 inches off their waist etc, do tend to bang on about it a bit and come across as a bit self righteous.

Not saying this is necessarily how YOU are behaving, but many people who lose 4-6 stone are like this. Full of themselves, self righteous and smug. Kudos on the weight loss, and I expect she is a bit jealous (and disappointed in herself,) but are you sure you are not just a bit smug?

I have met many people who can't shut up about their weight loss and how healthy they are etc etc, etc, and I do find it quite amusing when they pile all the weight back on. (And most people do.)

I know that sounds bitchy. I don't care.

dangermouse7 · 03/12/2017 17:16

Playing devils advocate, do you think you may be a bit smug/full of yourself around her? People who lose a few stone and 4 or 5 dress sizes, and 6-8 inches off their waist etc, do tend to bang on about it a bit and come across as a bit self righteous.

Not saying this is necessarily how YOU are behaving, but many people who lose 4-6 stone are like this. Full of themselves, self righteous and smug. Kudos on the weight loss, and I expect she is a bit jealous (and disappointed in herself,) but are you sure you are not just a bit smug?

I have met many people who can't shut up about their weight loss and how healthy they are etc etc, etc, and I do find it quite amusing when they pile all the weight back on. (And most people do.)

I know that sounds bitchy. I don't care.

LookMoreCloselier · 03/12/2017 17:19

Same here Honey and Elephants, I checked the date as I thought it was an old thread, how strange!

StillGotTheTreeUp · 03/12/2017 17:21

Of course she is.

But I know you know how hard it is to loose weight, and isn't quite as simple as not stuffing your face with sweets all day.

What kind of comments does she make?

Gemini69 · 03/12/2017 17:23

Well Done ... and be as SMUG as you like.. you deserve to be...
why should you hide your weightless just because someone else has not reached their targets yet... Flowers

GlitterGlassEye · 03/12/2017 17:41

Does she actually go to Slimming World meetings? My aunt goes every week and she looks amazing now but she did go on an all inclusive holiday for a fortnight and put on a fair few lbs and got ‘into trouble’ with the lady who runs it. Not that she cares, as she’s still skinnier than she’s ever been and wanted to make the most of a much earned holiday. Has your friend lost any weight at all? If she isn’t taking it seriously, then no point throwing money at it as it’s obviously not working for her and she would get pulled up a bit for not meeting her targets.

And a big well done to you OP.

HolyShet · 03/12/2017 17:57

What do you want from her? Did she try to undermine your efforts? Whilst you might just want her to acknowledge your achievement in reaching a healthier weight I think that lacks a bit of empathy given your were in a similar state of health not that long ago?

She might well be envious - want what you have - but that doesn't mean she resents you for it.

She may - for all we know - be totally right about your knowledge of healthy food too, because you might have lost all that weight on those unfood shakes and have no clue.

If you really are friends, as opposed to frenemies, I'd ask her why she says that stuff and tell her it hurts.

Original poster
Wishiwasholsk · 03/12/2017 21:45

I wouldn't say I'm smug ... I just have a lot more confidence now which maybe is picked up by people?

I didn't do it by drinking shakes. I did it by eating clean .. protein, small amount of carbs and some healthy fat. I still eat whatever I want but I just don't go crazy.

I know a lot of people gain the weight back but I was absolutely miserable at that size I was before and I'd never want to go back to feeling that way. I was also in pain just from walking and always got out of breath so easily. So hopefully that's enough to keep me going Smile

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 03/12/2017 22:28

You did great... credit to you Flowers

SoleBizzz · 03/12/2017 22:36

Unfood shakes... nithing wrong with those. Educate yourself.

Well done and she is jealous.

HolyShet · 03/12/2017 23:06

SoleBizz yes, unfood. Educate yourself, read Michel Pollan or the list of ingredients of Slimfast/Exante etc

HolyShet · 03/12/2017 23:09

OP (you've done brilliantly btw) there's no need to put up anyone being mean to you, especially supposedly a mate. I imagine it's a bit confronting for her, after all if you can do it, why can't she?

Jaygee61 · 04/12/2017 00:03

It’s true that Slimming World, Weightwatchers etc don’t work in the long term. I lost nearly 2st on Weightwatchers four years ago and have regained almost all of it. But because I continued to exercise I still look better than I did before I lost the weight.

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