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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to bring Christmas to my house?

122 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 02/12/2017 08:49

My DH made plans with his brother last year for all of us to spend Christmas together at his. We usually alternate between hubby' s (very welcoming and great hostess) sister and my parents but BIL insisted it was 'his turn'. SIL used to be lovely but has gradually cooled as she and BIL have become better and better off.

3 months ago BIL confirmed the arrangements so DH booked us into a lovely boutique hotel on the same street as BIL's house for 4 nights. DH's sister and her family were going to stay in BIL's home because that's they only way they could afford the trip.

BIL left a message for hubby on Monday asking how much time did we think we'd be spending at his over the 3 days...... Several conversations (apparently with SIL 'coaching' in the back ground) have brought us to the realisation that they've made other plans and only want us there on Christmas morning. (They'll be going out in the evening).

DH's sister can't really afford to stay in a hotel but is considering splashing out on a cheaper room in the vincinity so that we can all be together at BIL's on Christmas morning.

I however feel like we're not wanted and don't fancy spending a crazy amount of money on this trip anymore.

Our room was booked with a credit card, non refundable - but payment not yet taken. I still have receipts for all the gifts. WIBU to cancel the credit card, return the presents and invite hubby's sister and her family to our home for this Christmas?

OP posts:

perfectstorm · 02/12/2017 12:24

Stopping the card won't stop the debt and they will go after you legally, potentially, which would add those costs to your bill. This close to Christmas I'd call and explain honestly what has happened and ask if they can try to relet the room - they have a duty to mitigate loss, and most hotels are totally sold out at this time of year. If they can relet it then they may let you off. That requires goodwill from them, which you don't get by just cancelling the card - they'll probably only discover you tried to wriggle out at the last minute when it's too late.

I don't mean to be arsey, but you also seem to be forgetting that a small boutique hotel will lose a grand if you succeeded in holding that booking, but not paying. That's a big hit to their bottom line, and just shuffling the loss your in-laws are causing off on to complete strangers. Please try to solve the problem with them so neither you nor the hotel lose out.

I'd also get your husband to call his brother and spell out how appalling this is. If he won't, I'd do it myself in this situation. Sod whose side of the family it is; they just threw away your money because they had a better offer, after saying this was what they wanted to begin with.

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2017 12:26

tumblrpigeon the OP has stated they were invited for 3 days....possibly that's why they booked a hotel for 4 nights eh

perfectstorm · 02/12/2017 12:26

Why not amend the booking to 2 rooms for 2 nights instead of 1 room for 4 nights and let nice sil stay in the hotel with you on Christmas eve and christmas night.

This is a lovely idea - if the hotel have room, they may even prefer this option as a compromise as they still have bookings to the same level, and keep the goodwill. Worth having as a plan B if they refuse the cancellation?

LaurieFairyCake · 02/12/2017 12:28

Are you DEFINITELY not invited the other days for food and relaxation?

If it's JUST Christmas Day to bugger off in the afternoon I might still go

I wouldn't lose the £1k

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2017 12:30

OP - what has your husband actually said about it?

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 02/12/2017 12:32

Why would you book 4 days ?
Because it is a 7-8 hour drive away, that's roughly London to Edinburgh, most people wouldn't go that far for an overnight stay.

Blodplod · 02/12/2017 13:00

I was going to suggest the same as mickeysminnie. That way the hotel still get 4 nights. The money you’ve already spent is spent but you can gift them that as a present if you wish. Whilst I hear what everyone is saying regards confronting the Bil, personally if someone can do something as rude as that I’m sure they’re not going to understand the confrontation and agree where they’ve gone wrong. If it were me I would try and make the best of a shit time, and never ever accept an invitation again.

fricative · 02/12/2017 13:31

Not unreasonable. Go for it.

Why do you think she's cooled because of their financial situation. Maybe she likes you less and less. This comment made you sound a little unpleasant.

dustarr73 · 02/12/2017 13:40

I'd go to the hotel as planned and book my Christmas dinner somewhere else.You get a break and the in-laws get a taste of their own medicine.

I was let down last year, had a hotel booked and 2 people let me down last minute.Rang the hotel and they where able to relent the rooms.I wasn't charged just lost my deposit which wasn't much.

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2017 13:41

Just ask them to clarify exactly what is happening as you are getting mixed messages.

I like the idea by the person who said alter the hotel room arrangements.

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2017 13:42

Send the hotel a link to this thread and say help.!

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 02/12/2017 13:43

Fricative - money changes lots of people, that assertion is hardly way out there......

Is it possible to allude to such things without sounding horrible/ jealous?

Even if they're true.......

OP posts:

tumblrpigeon · 02/12/2017 13:55

Laguna the op did NIOT say they were invited for three days.

extinctspecies · 02/12/2017 13:56

OP what have they said about Boxing Day?

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2017 14:11

tumblrpigeon well dont you look a bit silly with your rolly eyes and biscuit to me....guess you missed this post eh?

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 02/12/2017 16:36

@Nanny

DH doesn't want to waste the hotel money but thinks spending 4 nights on BIL's street without going there at all will put us in the wrong and be really weird

OP posts:

MyKidAreTakingMySanity · 02/12/2017 20:54

Honestly you need to be having a bloody blazing row with DH! Get him told that an 8 hour drive with kids to be kindly granted the honour of a measly few hours in the presence of his big bro and SIL and the rest of your Christmas break you have to sit in a hotel, buying multiple expensive meals each day too might I add!
Don't throw good money after bad. Cut your losses instead of spending more!!!

RandomMess · 02/12/2017 21:25

Have you spoken to the hotel yet about amending/changing bookings - that would factor in any compromise I was prepared to make with DH?

Blondephantom · 02/12/2017 22:13

Is it a chain of hotels or the only one? If it is part of a chain then they might let you change to a different hotel as well as different dates.

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 04/12/2017 22:12

Apologies for not updating - odd weekend, all centred around this wierder by the second get together.

@my sanity, was all ready for big row, guns blazing but BIL has ruined it with striking honesty (and made me feel a complete cow).

Apparently things have been unpleasant for some time between him and sil and the Christmas plans had been grating ever since he first brought them up. He was adamant that this is just a drop in the ocean of problems but the long and short is that they will now be spending the festive season apart anyway - "for space"

BIL begged DH not to cancel and come anyway as SIL's taking their children to her parents - ironically close to nice sil's area.

I don't want BIL, or anyone, to be alone at Christmas but I'm even less keen on being in their home now.

Am I still bu?

OP posts:

user1477249785 · 04/12/2017 22:15

OK so now you have to go. I know it won't be ideal for you but think how hard it is for him. Sorry but I think you have to suck this one up.

Original poster

Santasjinglebelle · 04/12/2017 22:16

Random mess - I've taken the liberty of speaking to the hotel on hubby's behalf. They are confident they can sell the room, but will charge £170 to cancel - they just need to speak to DH.......

OP posts:

RandomMess · 04/12/2017 22:19

What a nightmare...

YouTheCat · 04/12/2017 22:23

Why not cancel (if it's only going to cost £170) and then invite bil to yours instead?

smartiecake · 04/12/2017 22:25

Definitely cancel and invite BIL to you. Can you do something with nice sister as well?

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