AIBU to bring Christmas to my house?

[Santasjinglebelle]

My DH made plans with his brother last year for all of us to spend Christmas together at his. We usually alternate between hubby' s (very welcoming and great hostess) sister and my parents but BIL insisted it was 'his turn'. SIL used to be lovely but has gradually cooled as she and BIL have become better and better off.

3 months ago BIL confirmed the arrangements so DH booked us into a lovely boutique hotel on the same street as BIL's house for 4 nights. DH's sister and her family were going to stay in BIL's home because that's they only way they could afford the trip.

BIL left a message for hubby on Monday asking how much time did we think we'd be spending at his over the 3 days...... Several conversations (apparently with SIL 'coaching' in the back ground) have brought us to the realisation that they've made other plans and only want us there on Christmas morning. (They'll be going out in the evening).

DH's sister can't really afford to stay in a hotel but is considering splashing out on a cheaper room in the vincinity so that we can all be together at BIL's on Christmas morning.

I however feel like we're not wanted and don't fancy spending a crazy amount of money on this trip anymore.

Our room was booked with a credit card, non refundable - but payment not yet taken. I still have receipts for all the gifts. WIBU to cancel the credit card, return the presents and invite hubby's sister and her family to our home for this Christmas?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I hope you all have a lovely time then. It will be an experience at the very least.

Do you know where you’re eating Xmas eve and Boxing Day? Can BIL buy food in to cook together? It’s going to be an expensive business otherwise.

[Santasjinglebelle]

Mummy dragon

Yep, we're going. Told the next door neighbours too so there's no going back (they'll have planned which of their guests will be parking in front of our house and drive by now)

[BewareOfDragons]

With that update, I think you should go.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to save his marriage, so doing whatever his wife wanted previously, including telling you you would only be welcome for 1 particular thing. AT least that pretense is over?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Cider
Thanks for the explanation. My brain wasn’t in gear at 3am. I was thinking ops house.

Santa
You think you’re going to go then?

[Santasjinglebelle]

Thank you all for your advice and comments on this, appreciate the perspective it gave. I’m minded to see this as one of those ‘family first’ sacrifices and just focus on the good points of our Christmas plans:



Lovely hotel – much nicer than we'd normally choose with the dcs in tow
Delicious, hassle free (posh delivery) Christmas dinner – (assuming SIL doesn’t cancel the order)
Kids will see their favourite some of their cousins

[MimsyFluff]

Christmas is about children not a fully grown man! Have it at somewhere you are welcome, cancel the hotel and ask BIL for the money back.

[Jasminedes]

I think your dh needs to support his brother, and you and the dc need to support him to do this, even if it means a slightly quirky christmas. DH needs to meet up with him and find out what is going on, and secondary to that, discuss plans.

[FluffyWhiteTowels]

Yes hold it at yours. I think BIL will feel sad at home without his children there but with his nephews and nieces there.

[AJPTaylor]

Sorry just caught up.
Cancel. Invite everyone to yours.

[AJPTaylor]

Dont be shitty with the hotel. You have already spent the money. You are not losing the money rather the hassle and expense of travelling.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Caretaker I read that it was the SIL being manipulative and unfriendly. Give the guy a break.

I think inviting the BIL would be the nicest thing to do.

[YouTheCat]

Caretaker, maybe it was bil's wife driving the whole 'we can only see you on Christmas afternoon thing?

[CaretakerToNuns]

ladymariner - I have.

Asshole BIL was forcing the rest of the family to travel to the other end of the country for just a fleeting visit, and now that his marriage is in tatters (not surprising, who'd want to be with someone like that?) and he's facing Christmas by himself everyone's feeling sorry for him for some reason.

[ladymariner]

Caretaker RTFT

[CiderwithBuda]

Mummyoflittledragon - OP is wondering how to explain to her children that they are at their cousins for Christmas but the cousins are not there. They are expecting to see BIL, SIL and children not BIL on his own. Hence 'empty' house.

[StarWarsFanatic]

I would invite BIL & nice SIL then, if they agree, cancel hotel. Maybe as he would be closer to his own children he could see them on boxing day that way? I wouldn't ask BIL for the money, but only because I feel sorry for him.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I don’t understand your question about explaining the empty house.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Poor guy. Perhaps the split is the best thing, she doesn’t sound very nice. Invite BIL and nice sil to yours. Ask BIL to cover the cancellation costs perhaps? Be prepared to accommodate your BIL on the days that suit him when he doesn’t have contact.

[CaretakerToNuns]

Make the prick of a BIL spend Christmas on his own - it's what he deserves.

[TakeMe2Insanity]

Given the change in bil’s circumstances get nice sil on side and insist on hosting as poor bil will no doubt feel depressed in his house without kids etc. Voilà nice christmas all round (ok minus £170 and poor bil) but still winning.

[CiderwithBuda]

Wasn't expecting that update.

I think the logical,thing to do is to cancel the hotel and have it at yours and invite BIL. Ask nice SIL what she thinks.

I kind of get why BIL wants to stick with plans but I think it will be very awkward to be there and will potentially make him feel even worse. Persuade him that he can relax and try to forget about it all a bit at yours.

[Santasjinglebelle]

I'd love to do this, however without nice sil on side I'm going to be the wicked witch to refuse

And how do I explain the empty house to dcs?

[smartiecake]

Definitely cancel and invite BIL to you. Can you do something with nice sister as well?

[YouTheCat]

Why not cancel (if it's only going to cost £170) and then invite bil to yours instead?

[RandomMess]

What a nightmare...