NotAgainYoda exactly, and has given me opportunity to re-examine a lot of things that happened when I was a child.
My mother was not abusive but there are many things she did that make me shudder.
I was brought up in a very poor council estate in the , and was "feral" from 4 years old or so with no adult supervision. My friend was 3, so me being slightly older had to look out for her.
We built fires , collected asbestos " snow", climbed trees overhanging deep rivers, visited the house of a know peadophile ( I know now), was forced to collect broken glass for teenagers to be " allowed" on play equipment.
My mother's reaction even now was " oh well everyone did it".
As a result I have been protective of my own children.
My mother was a surrendered wife, never worked, never questioned men, brought me up to do the same. She brought me up to be dutiful in my teens, still gave me the occasional smack at 15, I had very poor self esteem, taught to think that as a female, and a working class female that my place in the world was assured.
Even when I was accepted to study medicine at the age of 18 my mother talked me out of it, telling me I would not fit in with all the "snobs" I would find at University. I had barely travelled outside of my home town at that point, and lacked so much confidence, that I declined the place. I was shit scared and my mother did nothing to help.
She told me that sex was something to be endured, would be unpleasant, but had to be done to keep a man.
As an early adult I moved into controlling relationships, I married at 20, my OH beat me black and blue and raped me.
My mother's advice was not to annoy him so much.
Yes my mother taught me a lot.
I have children now, my DD ( 17 ) a very confident and caring young woman, who does not doubt her place in the world. She know that she is as good as anyone, but that no one is better than any other.
She is independent and secure, with a healthy self esteem.
Her and I have the most amazing relationship - as I do with her brother, based of mutual respect and trust.
We never miss a moment to praise and nurture- as she does to me now also.
My kids know that anything is possible, and if you reach high and believe in yourself you will end up in a good place.
They know to value and respect themselves and others.
I don't think I would have thought so deeply about parenting if it wasn't for my mother.