Aibu to complain to the school- everyday sexism?

[rosybell]

So DS just asked me if I can make cakes for the school Christmas fair- he said that the headteacher told them to ask their mummies if they like baking can they make cakes for the fair this weekend.

DS is 6 but he is pretty reliable and said she definitely just said 'mummies' not grown ups or parents. It's only a minor thing I know (..and yes I have plenty of more important things to worry about..) but this kind of everyday sexism really gets to me. Should I mention it to the school?

It's a passing comment, I wouldn't even think twice about it being a sexist comment. As someone who's worked in schools etc. Prominently drop off/pickups and activities in days inc. trips etc are attended my mums (yes dads did too BUT it was predominantly mums). Most of the time we said mum to things not because we were being sexist 🙄 but because it was just something we said! I'm sure teachers have more important parent led issues to contend with e.g bullying! Going to moan about something like this wouldn't change what's been said (whether it was right or wrong) what would you want to be the outcome? A written apology? A whole meeting regarding it? Ofsted? The teacher being sacked? I honestly believe there would be nothing gained from going to say anything! Sexism has become a new P.C one little comment or a glance and it's been brought up like it's the biggest issue ever. Yes I'm female and yes I want equality for EVERYONE not just for women. Taking away gender there's a million other factors and people who aren't being treated equally and that's just as unfair! I'm a big believer in positivity and seeing the good in everything and everyone and id hope that this teacher just used a comment that's from predomince and love rather than inequality x

Some kids won't have their dad living in the household, but I would imagine all the kids have a Mum living with them.

I wouldn't get all worked up over the word of a 6 year old.

Some kids won't have their dad living in the household, but I would imagine all the kids have a Mum living with them.

That wasn’t the case in my primary class at school and I don’t think it’s a reasonable assumption to make, really.

If this is all you have to worry about then you are very lucky. Move on.

This could apply at about 70% of posts on AIBU at any given time and probably more at the moment, what with the proliferation of can’t BURLEAVE Meghan is leaving her dogz/so worried Kate won’t make the wedding type threads.

Do you go onto all of those to say the above? You must be a very busy poster if so.

Send the child in with baking done with daddy, talk to DC about gender roles, run a home with balanced gender roles, talk to DC about different families etc. All those things are far more fruitful in terms of working against ingrained sexist attitudes than calling up the school over one comment.
Exactly ^^. Your kids are going to pick more up from what they see and hear at home every day than what their teacher says once in a blue moon. Otherwise every time a teacher has to say something they'll be running through an entire inclusivity checklist covering mummy, daddy, daddy who used to be mummy, mummy who used to be daddy, carer, stepparent, grandparent who now has parental responsibility, 'uncle' (actually mummy's latest shag who DC only met for first time this morning when shag came downstairs) and so on.

so worried Kate won’t make the wedding type threads
Kate might not make the wedding?!!! Oh dear god I hadn't heard

I'm a teacher and always really careful when saying stuff like this and often correct the kids as well if they make comments and what mummies and daddies 'do'.

However (and I know this is going to be a 'teachers are special snowflakes' thing to say) please don't go running to the HT about this. Honestly, they have much, much bigger fish to fry and I imagine they could probably do without having to follow up on a throwaway comment about who bakes cakes.

I've noticed, been annoyed and made a few remarks to my kids' teachers about this sort of stuff over the years.

I have helped out in DS2's Y1 class a bit this year and was pleased to hear his teacher very specifically avoiding sexist assumptions like this. Even though it is overwhelmingly Mums and Grandmas who appear to collect the kids, help out in school, make costumes and do PTA stuff, she always says ' ask Your Grown Up' instead of 'ask your Mummy' or even 'ask your Mum or Dad'. For all I know, that may be because a child in the class is a looked after child or similar scenario, but I much prefer that phrase anyway.

Of course its 'worth' venting.
Just because others have seen worse doesn't make it ok

I also think some of the people on here getting worked up about someone 'getting worked up' are embarrassed because they would say something like that themselves

Mumof2sarah but it is sexist though. Just because you say its just something people say, doesnt make it not so. As for outcomes, presumably the parents would like more inclusive wording to be used in the classroom. Not rocket science really...

"It might only seem small but it’s the tiny ‘drip drip drip’ that we feed our girls that leads to the gender pay gap, inequality, feelings of low self esteem (I could go on)... "

Quite. As someone once said, it may only be a couple of drips, but after a while you suddenly find yourself wondering " Bloody hell, where did that massive overflowing bucket come from?"

Brilliant! grin
Maisypops

My fire engine cake was legendary

I do agree with the posts, about trying to stop the drip drip drip that does happen in every day life, but I personally think that your best chance in that is at home, every child is going to have a different home life.

But I also wouldn't challenge this teacher over this remark, unless I had been there with probably the same tongue in cheek comment my son come out with.

As someone once said, it may only be a couple of drips, but after a while you suddenly find yourself wondering " Bloody hell, where did that massive overflowing bucket come from?"
But you can empty the bucket at home before the drips have even covered the bottom.

"But you can empty the bucket at home before the drips have even covered the bottom."

But, as is obvious from this thread, most people won't. So much easier to stop the drips. Usually people just haven't thought about stuff like this and it only takes someone to point it out for them to realize.

Do women not bake then??

I agree wholeheartedly with Bertrand.
Casual sexism matters. And will not change unless we challenge it.

It doesn’t have to be a 15 minute tirade at a headteacher. Just a short comment about what your son relayed from class and that you hope the school will address and eliminate casual sexism when they comes across it.

*come

I think it's worth a (friendly) challenge. It is sexist to say stuff like that.

Our preschool used to ask for 'mums' to come and help out. I pointed out they could say parents...

But you can empty the bucket at home before the drips have even covered the bottom.

Maybe when they're teeny tiny. But as they grow they start looking to a wider range of people to help form their views and opinions.

I also think some of the people on here getting worked up about someone 'getting worked up' are embarrassed because they would say something like that themselves
Or we think that some things are worth politely challenging if you are there in person but think that getting to the point where you call up about 2nd hand information is totally out of proportion.

If anyone watched the programme ages ago about kids in a school and trying to make it less gender specific then they would have noticed that the teacher subconsciously differenciated between boys and girls and until it was pointed out to him, he didn't realise the impact.
So it's good to call out everyday sexism always.
If we just all shrug our shoulders and say, it's not that big of a deal it will continue