Dh treated himself to £400 the month before Christmas

[Evilstepmum01]

Aibu? Dh just announced he's treated himself to a brand new phone. Fine, his old one is crap but still in contract. Finally managed to get price out of him. £400.
For context, due to his debt, I usually take out loans for things like our car, washing machine, and 2 months ago, a brand new bike for him. Both our wages service the repayments and bills etc , so it is fair.
I can't help but feel pissed off. He's used his savings to buy it, but I don't know how much he has in savings, despite him claiming it's our money.
My bonus pays for Xmas, buys presents for our dc and dsc , which is fine. Aibu to be cross he has spent this money on himself so close to Xmas when we should be saving our money for kids presents?
Or am I controlling?

You probably need to find out how how much savings he has firstly.

Then find out a lot more about his general finances.

Then sort out your own running away fund. There is a thread going here about this. Essential.

But maybe everything is OK and you enjoy martyrdom. It wouldn't be me though. A brand new bike on credit and he buys a phone worth more than the washing machine. And you are the one taking out the loans for everything else.

Why is is credit rating rubbish.

You really need to get your shit together here and find out MORE.

Best of luck.

You pamper him OP so why wouldn’t he?

Time for a come to Jesus meeting and new boundaries about money.

You took out a loan to buy him a bike? To me this seems as though neither of you know how to save money

What kind of phone, OP? £400 is an unusual amount.

You don't know how much savings he has yet you are taking out loans OP? I'd have lost my shit a while ago.

What kind of phone, OP? £400 is an unusual amount.

I'm not sure what your point is? I presume that the OP has seen the phone? The £400 might have been an early upgrade fee.

A One Plus 3T is £400. That's a very popular but slightly niche phone.

Not sure why £400 is an unusual amount. There were a fair few at that price when I was looking a couple of months ago. I got one for £150 in the end because I can't bring myself to spend £400 on a phone.

YANBU, that is a lot of money to spend on a phone if there are outstanding debts and you are struggling. I don't think it sounds fair. Especially factoring in the fact you have joint savings and you don't know how much they are

I would strongly urge you to open up a separate bank account, at a different bank, in your name only and start stocking away some savings there. The PP is absolutely right. You need a running away fund.

Check your credit rating.

"despite him claiming it's our money" It is your money, you are married.

"Or am I controlling?" No. Either you are being controlled or you are both shit with money and communication.

DW is a spendthrift but we talk and make decisions together. If she was as bad as your DH, either I'd be in charge of the money or we'd be divorced. I couldn't cope with the stress of paying someone else's debt while they are adding to it.

if his old phone is in contract still has he purchased a phone without a contract - which means it will be several 100s or has he paid off his old contract, got a new contract with a pricer phone? I know the new iPhone has a £300 purchase with some companies and still has a contract attached.

you need to know this OP because £400 might not just be £400 but That plus monthly repayments of £X AND the old contract repayments too.

Flouncy - there's no right or wrong way as long as both parties are happy with it. Whenever this subject come up posters seem to think everyone else should do it like they do.

In this case whatever the arrangement isn't working for the OP and on the face of it the DH sounds like a selfish arse.

Where did the savings come from OP?

So he got a new bike and a new phone. What did you get?

Why does he have savings but you have to spend your Xmas bonus in family gifts?

He definitely did consider anyone else when he made this decision. And very foolish to be extravagant when he’s in debt, it’s that ‘head in the sand’ attitude which leads to downward spirals. Also a bad example for your DC/DSC!

Frankly I don't see why anyone needs a £400 phone, but it's especially bonkers if you're in debt.

To be fair he's not usually such a selfish dick. He's a good egg, apart from martyrdom! The money came from stuff he sold, so I get why he feels it's his.
But come on! I'd never spend that without discussing it first.
Words were had, calm ones, he asked if he should return the phone. I asked if I should return the bike.
He's currently sitting quietly, barely speaking so fuck it, I'm in bed!
If he goes manchild, I might lose my shit!
Enough though, the savings will be going into our joint account.

Nope don't see an issue with it .... if your DP works hard and wants to treat himself why the hell not ....

Because they have debts that need paying?