MIL

[newmum7369]

PIL live less than 5 minutes walk from us. MIL is retired, pops over about once a week to see DS (4 months, their only GC). I pop over there now and again but it's easier for her to come to me because they have a dog who is all over DS, all his stuff is here and often when I do go over she's not there or is on her way out.

We go over there whenever we are invited and vice versa. She calls in here uninvited (no problem with this) and sometimes I call in there uninvited.

PIL are about to go on holiday for 2 weeks. MIL popped over briefly this afternoon to see DS before she goes. She had a dig at me because she thought I might call in to see her before she goes.

I think part of the problem is her only other child (daughter) lives 3 hours away and has no intention of having a family, so she doesn't have that mother/daughter/grandchild relationship and I am the substitute. Don't get me wrong, she is lovely and we get on, but in the nicest possible way, it's not the same as with my own mum.

AIBU to think that if she wanted me to call in she could've just said? I didn't really know when they were leaving other than it was some time this week (she may have said but the exact dates of their holiday are not at the forefront of my mind when I'm sleep deprived). Or AIBU for not calling in there without an invite so that she saw DS before they go? AIBU for not calling over there more often , even though it is much easier for her to call in here?

Your current arrangement sounds fine to me.

Well what exactly did she say about you not going over?
It might have just been a passing comment and you're making a big deal out of nothing or she could have been having a proper go at you. It's hard to tell from what you've said.

YANBU.

I think because you see them a fair bit she has come to expect to see you a lot more often than most people see their parents or inlaws.

@kaytee87 - she said she'd come to see her grandson before she goes on her trip, I replied lovely, I thought we might get a visit from you before you left. She replied well I thought you might have visited me but you never come over to see me in a sarcastic tone.

She made a similar comment a couple of weeks ago. I said I'd popped in but she wasn't there and she chuckled and said that she had just been thinking that I never go over to see her.

I didn't realise it was such a problem to her. It just seems much easier for her to pop on here because it's less hassle. I always make her fee welcome, give her DS, make tea/coffee etc. For example, before I had DS I would always visit my sister because she has 3 DCs and it was easier for me to jump in the car and come and go as I please. Now I have DS we take it in turns because it's equal effort for both of us (she has 3 and I only have 1, but hers are 13 yo twins and an 11 yo, so they take care of themselves pretty much!)

Why doesn't she blame her son rather than you?! Or does he have no responsibility to facilitate the relationship? Sorry OP, missing the point I know, but it annoys me no end that this stuff is piled on the woman in a relationship.

No you're right @AngelsSins - I was just thinking about that after my update! Whenever we invite them here is is generally me that suggests it. DH works with FIL so could easily make arrangements or say that he is going to call over on a weekend morning with DS.

Oh just ignore and move on. Let them go away and enjoy themselves. Sounds like a good arrangement. Maybe she was having a off day or meant more that she doesn't see her son

@Kentnurse2015 I didn't say anything, I just brushed it off and carried on. It just occurred to me afterwards that maybe I had been BU all this time when I had just thought it was far easier for her to call in here and assuming once a week was probably often enough.