Hi everyone,
I know that this isn't an AIBU (well in ways it is), however, I am posting here as I have noticed that threads here tend to get more responses. I would really be grateful for as many perspectives as possible on this.
DS is 12. He has recently been put on the Child Protection Register due to what his dad had been putting through.
I have two concerns;
Firstly, I noticed that the Headteacher of the school was on the invite list but never comes to conferences/core group meetings. Another person - the Child Protection member of staff at the school attends the meetings. Even though the headteacher does not attend the meetings, will he be aware of proceedings and his student's addition onto the Child Protection Register? Will he be aware of everything that is said at the meetings?
He is always on the invite list for the meetings along with one other from the school, who is always the one to attend. I sort of presumed that as the meetings are not at the school, he was too busy to attend - I wasn't sure if he read everything though.
Suppose that the subject of these concerns (I.e. The student) is in the head's class, would the head keep it confidential/be non judgemental? I ask because he is and is quite worried about the head (I.e. His teacher) reading and finding out what he has went through, and particularly concerned with how his teacher would feel about him being put on the register (essentially feeling a sense of shame that his teacher knows about what he has endured) . If the head (his teacher) is likely to be fully aware, will he keep it confidential and be non judgemental? Even if the head knows, will he not pass judgement on a student in his class for being on the register? My DS really is quite worried about this. There are about 1,200 students in the school. He really enjoys the head's lessons and is terrified of the head thinking badly of him for finding out what his dad has put him through. I can try and explain to him as much as I can that he won't be judged and that nothing that has happened is his fault, however, this is something that he is really sensitive about and my efforts are largely in vein.
Secondly:
I just want to ask a specific question about one of the points that was brought up about DS's education at a recent SS meeting. DS has a suspected ASD and often says that he can feel bullied and feel that he has no friends. He seems to just ignore the bullies and get on with things (he is coping well academically) - his resilience, considering what his father put him through is inspirational.
At the meeting, the member of staff from the school said that 'other children had reported their concerns' (regarding the bullying). Why would they do this (presumably they are in his class/year group)? Does this mean that (contrary to what DS believes) that there are at least some people in his year who like him. He never mentions the specific counts of bullying but is always saying how he feels that he has no friends. I don't know if you would agree, however, I sort of felt a bit of relief when I read that other children had spoken to staff about what the bullies are saying to him.
It breaks my heart to think that after all he has went through at home, he feels that he has no friends and no one likes him at school. (The teacher did describe him as 'withdrawn' - no wonder, considering he is worrying about all of this - but is coping well academically). DS is pretty much certain of an impending diagnosis of ASD, so is naturally quiet/withdrawn. I doubt that he would be interested in/could cope with the social demeandsof pursuing and maintaining deep friendships with classmates. Does the fact that others went out of their way to report mean at the very least, he has a few fellow students who like him?