To feel very upset/angry

[Grammarist]

NC for this (I've been around for years in here) as I feel it could be a bit outing.

I'm trying very hard to not be too upset or angry but I'm really struggling.

Without giving away too much detail, I had a dreadful time whilst pregnant and was off work for a lot of it due to severe complications. It was horrible and I spent most of my time on bedrest and in hospital.

Only after having been off for nearly three months did I get anything from my work colleagues (and that was a card).

Only one person bothered to visit me.

When the baby arrived, I got flowers with the name of the baby misspelt (even though they'd had an email with the correct name in it).

Up until that point I hadn't felt that I was particularly disliked or not cared for, but all of the above made me feel awful.

I'm back at work now (have been for a while) and I thought I'd dealt with this in my own head, but recently another member of staff is off sick and has already been showered with cards/ gifts.

I ended up going into a cupboard the other day and sobbing. It really got to me.

AIBU to feel this way?

No yanbu, it's pretty shit of them. But you have to try to leave it in the past

I really thought I had, but it just hit me massively. Made me feel really bloody angry!

I had something similar - my maternity leave and baby got nothing whereas other people got a load of fuss. Still resent it when I think about it. There is nothing you can do as such, because it's not an obligation - but I did revise my attitude to collections, cards and so on at work after that and was less generous. Also a lot less likely to put myself out for people. That you do have control over.

Sounds like they (wrongky) think you got extra maternity leave due to your sickness.

Did they understand you were on bedrest and in hospital due to serious complications?

Don't let it get to you. Your baby and family will be around alot longer than colleagues will

It's hard, I know xx I went on maternity leave and notified everyone several times of the date. When the week rolled around my manager and boss were surprised I was leaving. Other women had been given a departments morning tea and gift and card. I felt so unappreciated. I just make sure I dont let their carelessness and thoughtlessness rub of on me. Also planning a future exit strategy. It really is cruel.

I have chronic illnesses and am regularly admitted into hospital. People at work never give a stuff when I’m ill. Other people get cards and flowers. I don’t even get a text. I even had an operation a few months ago and got bugger all.

It’s shit, isn’t it OP? Hammers home that they’re just colleagues and not friends.

It really is shit. Massive hugs to all of you who've had similar crap treatment.

I'm planning my exit as I think I need a fresh start. This has made me realise just how awful their lack of giving a shit made me feel and I've decided that I can't keep being there.

Oh - they knew how ill I was. The one person who visited kept them all informed. Clearly they seriously didn't give a shit.

I've not taken my baby into work to meet them. I really don't feel they deserve to meet/have a cuddle.

I worked in a place once where I didn't get a birthday card or even wishes for 7 years. My birthday is close after new year but it was a 24/7 365day business and my colleagues knew when it was, they just never bothered. I was off very sick for 3 months once and only ever heard from my friend in HR once a fortnight. One girl had been there a month and had flowers, chocolates the whole shebang. I was never as happy as I was when they relocated to a different country and everyone was made redundant.

The next place I worked I had cards, wine and flowers for my birthday and I'd only been there a few weeks.

The place i worked for when I was pregnant always got women big hampers when they had a baby. I got a card. It was explained to me when I get back that only people who work at the main office get a hamper (their was a main office and our building with houses two of the major projects)
I hated that place, when I left they got me a crappy bunch of flowers which I took great delight in chucking in the canal on the way home

See we are not allowed to know why someone is ill unless they contact the person directly. Also I wouldn't go to see anyone who is on sickness leave unless contacted first and invited over. Wouldn't occur for me to send a card for someone who is ill while having a baby or see them unless we were good friends.

But when everyone's had a baby we do a whip round and buy a card and pressie so everyone gets the same after baby is born.

I spent my entire third trimester in hospital, with DS trying to die in three different ways. I was admitted unexpectedly at 29 weeks, at 3am, haemorrhaging, and then they found two other conditions that kept me on bedrest trying to stop him being born for as long as possible. Very traumatic, I was given a 95% chance of him dying if my waters broke.

While I got back home after 8 weeks in hospital, I got the results of a 360 feedback. One of my bosses had complained that I’d left the ward uncovered by leaving with no warning. She knew all the details, but only cared about how it had affected her. No card, no flowers, nothing from anyone else. Just “how dare you be ill”.

Fuck them.

Totally depends on who your mates are. If I was off work now, no -one would do contact me, I reckon. When I was off at my old job, I had cards, calls, messages, visitors. I had a proactive friend who was involved with everyone due to her job role, so I got lots of attention.

Oh, Sashkin. That's dreadful. Can't believe they did a fucking review on you after what happened. I had similar and I swear the only reason I got the card was because the baby could've died. Pretty much nothing to do with me and all the pain/problems and horrendous emotional mess I was going through.

It's been a very stark wake-up call as to how crap people really are.

when i was preggers with my son another girl at work was also preggers, i watched her get gift after gift and a nice big gift basket on her last day ( she finished way early and i went right thru till 4 days b4 birth day) and i didnt even get a see ya and not even a txt of gratz!
made me so pleased to have helped with all the birthdays and leaving stuff for others
Apparently it was because she was in her 20's and i was in my early 30's so that meant i didnt need any thing

I think part of it depends on who is the person expected to organise the whip-round. And I wouldn't be surprised if the people who do organise something special chuck extra money in themselves to cover it. I organised a few in one of my places of work and saw for myself how tight-fisted colleagues can be.

The HT of the last school I worked in banned collections for birthdays and babies. She personally did a card from all staff and a bunch of flowers after the starkly different treatment two staff members got. It was all entirely down to how much the two self-appointed social committee girls liked you.

When I had my baby not a single person visited and I didn't get any flowers sent from the company. Everyone else had a huge bunch of flowers sent and visitors. The general manager who organised that stuff was a bitch and I'm sure didn't like me. She got made redundant

I really thought it was a man thing that made them forget.
As when there were other females in the team, cards/flowers and whip-around would happen for all birthdays, babies, leaving etc.
But The men left over managed a big gift/card for someone that left recently.
I received nothing from my team mates when I went on maternity leave, wasn’t even welcomed back formally. Even though other colleagues had a group email sent by the manager.
I therefore don’t put money into whip-arounds. I may sign a card if I particularly liked the person.