AIBU to give DH an "IOU" for Christmas?

[SisyphusHadItEasy]

I know exactly what I want to give to DH for Christmas. It is a practical gift, but something he would not likely get for himself. I have the money set aside for it.

This afternoon, on a FB selling group, something that we have needed for ages for our DD became available. She is disabled, and we struggle to transport her wheelchair - a folding pushchair in her size and with all the options she requires has become available at less than 15% the cost of buying new, however it is still $575 USD. It is even pink

The seller has agreed to hold it for me for 3 weeks so I can get the funds together for it, but the only way to do that is to wait until after Christmas to buy DH's gift and use that money towards the chair.

So, do you think I should give DH a card with a note of what I will buy him, and then get the item after Christmas, or am I being a Scrooge?

Fortunately, I already have gifts for the DCs.

Can your DH not pay half for the pushchair?

Well of course - wouldn't he be horrified that you were even considering prioritising him wheelchair?

Agree with pp, what's his contribution?

Deff do a iou.. I'm.sure he will understand.

Or get him a Christmas present and then buy him the gift as a Just because present. That way he still gets a Xmas gift. Isn't disappointed and is extra happy at the just because.

Why don't you have a conversation with him about it?

If I were your DH, in the circumstances you describe, I would much prefer you bought the pushchair. To be honest, what parent wouldn't?

We have family money, he will definitely contribute. I am sure he will be happy that I have found the chair, too.

Perhaps I was just overthinking it. Big purchases like this right at the holidays do my head in.

Im confused as to why you think you might be wrong in doing this? Is your DH likely to have an issue with it or are you just being silly worrying?

For us it would be 'oh this has come up, Christmas for each other will have to wait until January/February' followed by an 'ok, how can we gather the money for the item'

If you genuinely think that your DH would like you to prioritise his Christmas present then I think you may be married to the wrong man.

Your DH is 100% in the wrong for not contributing- I'd make his Christmas present for that alone

Pushchair is obviously more important anyway - unless you’d be buying the pushchair in the new year for full price regardless

I think it seems reasonable tbh

Why on earth would he want a present when you can BOTH get your DD a wheelchair she needs?

He is learning bladesmithing as a hobby, I was planning on buying him a larger propane tank so he can work longer stretches at a time. That has been a frustration of his.

Perhaps I will get him a new reference book to open at Christmas, and tuck a note in it that we will go pick up the tank together after the holidays.

Thank you for your input.

You realise you've thrown your dh under the aibu bus don't you OP? Next you'll be getting asked if he has form for "this".

I don't understand either - is your dh, a grown adult, going to think you should spend money on a present for him rather than a necessity for a disabled child?

Is that's the case he's a complete bellend, if not why do you need to ask?

Migraleve nailed it - I am just being silly worrying.

DH will definitely contribute to the pushchair, that isn't an issue at all.

Confused At what point did the OP state her DH would not be contributing?

@Abouttoblow the op rather clearly states- "the seller has a agreed to hold it for me so I can get the funds together"

That rather implies that the op has to be the one to get the funds, it's not a so "we" can get the funds together

She also says he will definitely contribute. Probably didn't want to go into (irrelevant) detail with the seller that she and her DH would get the money together.

Give him an IOU and a BJ, I am sure he will he happy to wait a little while for the IOU ;)

Only because I am the one who manages the family's joint accounts, including paying the bills and setting up our budgets. DH is a confessed "math-phobic".

My half of the pushchair would need to include funds from my Christmas budget, as would his. And... we will have to wait until my next paycheque hits the bank, because we have our current money earmarked for bills.

We have savings, but they are locked in and there would be penalties to access them - which would not make financial sense when other rearranging would handle it.

But thanks for the reminder that I have to pre-empt a message with the warning that my DH is not a bellend. I forgot that was automatically assumed.

However... Julie has identified probably the perfect solution

But remember if you mention on MN that you went with Julie's solution you'll have to explain yourself on that too!

You should have said "so that me and my partner, who treats me with respect and doesn't financially abuse me, have time to get the money together" - duh

I think you two should exchange presents in January instead when you have the cash spare. Too much of a bargain to pass up!

Nancy , I will save your quote for every future post I make that includes anything more than a penny (although, DH should contribute his ha'penny).

The chair is a fabulous deal - and she is going to love it! If it wasn't such a need, I would give it to her for Christmas. Not much of a kids' Christmas gift, though. I think she will prefer the horse toy she is getting for her doll.