To not want to be on my own?

[bythelake]

Feel a bit conflicted.

I need to end my marriage. We've been together a long time, have children, but it's just not right, retrospectively I can see it's never been right really.

But I don't want to be single. However, I don't want my children to have lots of uncles, stepdads and the like.

How do most people manage when ending a marriage?

I feel like there just isn't any easy way to go about this.

Don't flame me. Just being honest.

I didn't want to read and run> I haven't ended a marriage so can't advise on that. I suppose just keep in mind why you are separating? And how you & the kids will be better off.

As for not wanting a stream of uncles & step-dads, don't have them, or just don't introduce them to your kids.

But then I am saying I'm going to be on my own, then, which I don't want either.

I think that's the main reason many women in dead or 'below average' marriages stay. Because they don't want to be alone. Many women have gone from living with parents to living with mates or uni halls, to living with their man. And the idea of being alone and coping alone (finanically especially) fills many women with dread.

SO, unless there is severe abuse, or chronic infidelity, many women do stay, because frankly, it's a better choice than leaving. I know a few women who have confessed to staying because they are comfortably off and have good holidays, and a nice house, and a fairly good lifestyle, and they are not prepared to give it up because the marriage is a bit dull and their husband annoys them now and again.

I have seen many women spilt with their husband, or leave them, and they have quite a hard life, fighting to get a half decent low grade job, and fighting for extra hours so they can get more money. Some of them live on the poverty line, and struggle to even make ends meet, let alone have a 'luxurious' life.

In answer to your question, I have no idea how women cope when they leave, and I hope I am never in that position, and I don't think there is an 'easy way' to do it. Hope someone with better advice come along soon.

I was scared of being own my on and put off ending my very unhappy marriage until I couldn't bear it any more. I didn't think I would meet anyone else.

I had a short, ill fated relationship soon after leaving my husband, I introduced him to the children too soon, which was a mistake, but he put a lot of pressure on me to advance the relationship. After getting rid of him I went on to meet an amazing nan who I have been with for over a year. I waited a good 6 months to introduce him to my children, and due to the nature of our relationship (semi-LD, he has shared care of his own children) they don't see him masses and the time we spend together when we are both childfree is our time.

We have no plans to move in together or change the status quo, we are both happy, and I have also learned to be happy parenting my children solo day-to-day, I enjoy having alone time and space when they are with their father midweek and I have learned that I am strong and capable and resourceful on my own. You will learn this too, if you give yourself a chance to be happy.

If you are absolutely sure that your marriage has to end then you have to be honest with your husband and children,obviously their age decrees how you explain it to them.
Be prepared to be seen by some as the ' person splitting up a family'...I'm not for one minute suggesting that you are.....so be strong.
Sort out your finances,see an independent financial advisor so you will have some idea of how you can support your family.
It is hard,it's also exhilarating.there will just be one of you to do everything.
Enjoy being single before you start to look for a new partner.
You say your marriage was never right,so take time to work out what you want in a man,what you don't want.you need to be happy being single,happy with your own company before you look for another long term relationship.I say this because it will give you the confidence to not rush into anything just to have a partner.
I wish you all the best,stay strong,stay true to yourself and don't introduce anyone to your DC until you are confident in an established relationship.
Good luck

I do really worry about all that, dangermouse, because as bad as abuse is, once it is over it is over and the alternative seems this long, dull, poverty filled life, where it's all just such a miserable struggle.