to feel like not bothering again?

[LowFatMilkshake]

For anyone who remembers a thread I wrote a while back about a LB(4) and my DD(3) playing and collecting ladybirds and climbing loft ladders - and even for those who dont, I have an update.

As I said in my last thread on a later posting I would try and encourage the friendship between DD and LB and I would do my best not to judge his behaviour so quickly.

Keeping to my word I have taken him to the park on my own with DD and we had quite a good time. He went on the equipment was polite - had an emergency wee (made me chuckle he was so well trained).

Then yesterday I asked his mum if they would like to go for a walk in the afternoon to some local parks that they might not have found yet. As a treat I took a blanket and ball and bought the children some juice, sweets and crisps. And the myum and I same juice. I took my baby DS and had a feed for him prepared and thoght it would make a nice couple of hours out......

From the minute he left the house LB was complaining, too cold, my DD was walking too far ahead, his mum and I were talking too much, he wanted his sunglasses on, they would'nt stay on etc etc etc... His mum seemed quite embarassed by his behaviour and DD was fed up of being held back and kept shouting for LB to hurry up.

We got to one park and I suggested we played there for a while before going on to the next park and having our picnic. From then on LB kept saying he had enough and hated this park and could he see what crisps I got him. He told DD she had to get off the swings and told her 'one more go on the slide' . DD knew we had goodies as she had bought them with me, but was much more interested in playing and not happy to leave, but he would'nt stop going on so we left.

When we got to the next park he wanted to sit basically as soon as possible so he could have the food etc, and his mum had to tell him as they had bought nothing they would sit where me and D chose. Again to placate him, once we were away from the path and in quite a central quiet spot we put the balnket out and the chldren had thier juice and sweets and crisps etc.

DD then got the ball out and ran backwards and forwards kicking it and calling to LB. He said 'no thank you I am rather tired now' and promptly lay down on the blanket under his jacket. I was feeding DS so all I could do was talk to DD and applaud her high kicks etc. And LB's mum got up to play with her after a while. LB looked up and asked them to play further away as he wanted to sleep. I told him you dont come out to sleep that is what bed is for.

Then he seemed to realised his DM was ignoring him and playing with my DD instead so he said he wanted to go home. I told him there was another sing and slide park at the end of the field, but he just said 'no thanks I want to go home' So we packed everything back in the pram, including my DS who was enjoying the fresh air and sunchshine and we used a short cut out of the park.

As we walked home he was back to normal as I know him after pre-school, running along with DD telling her to keep up etc. All signs of tiredness gone. Then he said to me that DD wanted to go to his house and play and I said she had to go home (we only live 30 seconds accross the street) and he told me, when my DD wants to do something I should let her .

We parted that I would call for them if we went to a park a the end of our road later in the week (we went today and we did not call).

Now I really like his mum and I would like to get to know her more, However, as much as I try to like this LB I feel I am always biting my tongue at how he speaks to me and DD (also his DM - but that's not my concern).
Yesterday I felt I had been completely used by him as nothing more than a meal ticket and what annoyed me even more was that DD had been let down by him as he refused to play with her, which she was looking forward to.

His mum and I are going in to town in a few days while DD and LB are at pre-school so at least we can have a chat in peace as he always interupts us as apparently he doesnt like his mum talking to anyone but him.

So....after all this would try and make another playdate or just let the DC's play when they are at pre-school and use this time to chat amd meet with his DM??

I have realy tried not to jusge here. And I do have a baby DS so I will have a LB myslef one day - and if it is a boy thing I will find out for myself.

Actually most of this made me smile.

< 'no thank you I am rather tired now' and promptly lay down on the blanket under his jacket.> this made me LOL

Also the fact that he played up more with his mum there is pretty normal as he obviously wanted her exclusive attention. The food thing is so much like ds it made me lol as well.

As others have said - he does sound fine to me (though I can see why you might find him irritating). There is no reason why you should like him though.

Why see his mum on her own (evenings, when they are in nursery etc.) and also maybe try swapping type playdates (where you have both for a couple of hours then his mum does) and see if he continues to behave better with just you and dd as he seems to have done so far .

That way dd can still play with him (if she wants to)outsied of nursery and you can see his mum but not have to put up with the behaviour that irritates you.

I'm afraid he sounds like a normal 4 year old to me. Children have all sorts of different temperaments and personality traits. You can't expect this little boy to be just like your DD.

But, if this lb brings out the negative in you then it seems advisable to meet up with his mother whilst your children are at pre-school.

I think you are the one with the unrealistic expectations tbh. He sounds like a very normal four year old to me - to be perfectly honest the tone of your post made me feel that the issues are on your side. The little boy sounds fine.

He sounds SO like my 4yo I was thinking back trying to decide whether it was us or not

Yes as with your last thread LFM this sounds very much like my little boy who is 4

if any of my friends wanted to start a thread complaining about his behaviour in great detail like you have done, they could do so any time they see us, because he easily would have done this many annoying things in an afternoon if not more

I feel sorry for him having his behaviour picked apart like this tbh.

I soo do try to seem unjudgemental with my friends with kids, as I remember only too well the feeling you get when you realise other people think your child is a pain in the ass. And that feeling stinks.

sounds like my ds1 who will be 4 next week. we don't eat crisps or sweets at home so he would have been desperate for them. If he thinks i talk too much to someone he will act up for my attention and he doesn't like football and is often genuinly sleepy inthe afternoons one minute then up the next

I didn't see ur other thread tho so don't know how that compares

I hate that feeling too FlossALump, it goes through you like a knife

I agree with some of the other posters; he's a four year old boy and starting to assert his personality. He saw your picnic basket the way a dog sees a bone...

Yes, thats it GS! Horrible.

LOl at the dog-and-bone concept.

my dds and dniece can all get a bit dog-and-bone-like about food, it's very irritating. I think it's worse when you don't let them have loads of crisps, chocolate biscuits etc at home, they just salivate constantly in anticipation when they know there are some coming. It's as though they can't enjoy playing until they've eaten the longed-for food.

one day I will be able to spell neice

PMSL, you were right the first time

Now remember, "i before e except after c"!!

LFMS, he sounds a lovely little boy. He sounds as if he was HUNGRY in a big way...little boys are often hugely interested in food.

He sounds as if his mum speaks to him alot and doesn't talk down to him, which is why he feels able to tell you exactly what he thinks, and why he feels able to not play if he doesn't want to. i think that's lovely and I applaud his mum for how she obviously deals with her child.

I really honestly think you need to have a hard look at your expectations of children and what is age appropriate; he is not capable of 'using you as a meal ticket', he's simply a child telling you what he thinks.

He had more energy on the way home as he was feeling in control more; for whatever reason he obviously didn't fancy the park that day!

And he sounds very bright - the things you quote him as saying are great for his age, very articulate and well expressed.

grr. both look wrong still to me . wish I just had nephews I can spell that...

Alright, thanks everyone.

Once again I will take stock of my expectations towards him.

I have just had tea with his mum and a good natter and she said he is very protective towards everyone which he gets from his dad which accoutns for his bossing DD around. And his mum said she had words with him about being bossy when he explained he was looking out for DD. And I did think Ahh.
DD really likes playing with LB, so again I am going to suck it up and let them get on with it!

I do have expectation of how children should behave which I know will just have to apply to me and my children and I will have to learn to accept other children for how they are not how I expect them to be