How to deal with this. Is this normal?

[Mumtobeluc]

This will sound stupid but I have no one I can talk to about it. I'm engaged and pregnant it should have stopped bothering me but I still struggle with this..

Ever since me and my partner got together I've had to see loads of pictures of his ex who's super beautiful and I have body image problems and insecurities.
I saw a half naked picture of her under his bed once plus loads of affection FB pics which I got over but what I'm struggling with is his mum.
We moved into her house on the other side and at many times I've gone into her room and she's got an album open on her computer of his ex or she's strolling through her Instagram or she's on her screen saver. I feel so pathetic we only have a handful of pictures together as I have body Dsymorphia which I've over come massively but comparing myself to others I still do. How do I get over this has anyone been through something similar? It effects our sex life when I see pictures I just don't feel good enough.

His mum sounds a bit weird

She's an artist she recently did a picture of one of her other sons exes and I just think I will explode with insecurities if she does her next. I don't feel close to her and this is one the reasons why. I have stupid thoughts that she was looking at her pics yesterday wondering what her grandchildren Would have looked like with her. I need to get a grip lol

When really she's probably doing that cause her life's boring.

That sounds awful for you and stalkerish of her for having her as a screensaver, who does that?

This is super weird.

Don't go into her room for a start and then you won't see her being so weird about the ex.

It wouldn't be just her be some other family on there as well but it just consumes me. The other day I went in her room to talk to her and she had an album out on her computer and they were just his ex like posing and some with her mum. I get jealous because I'm not confident or managed to bond that closely with his family yet.

It is just WEIRD to have pictures of your son's ex on the computer, still more so to have them as a screensaver. I'm really struggling to see how she can have been doing this innocently, without an intent to undermine or hurt you. It's THAT insensitive.

I would proceed with caution. This woman isn't your friend. And your partner needs to clear out all the old photos.

His mum sounds super weird. I don't blame you for feeling insecure!

Her room is like an office. I don't just go in her room without her knowing lol. I could be borrowing a pen or something as simple as that.

The thing is I've never moved in with anyone so I don't know how much of this is the norm. An it's not like the pictures are hanging on the wall I just happen to see them often when I'm in the same room or my partner wants to look at hoildays to book on the computer and I'll see thumbnails on the desktop of her or screen savers. I need to get a grip because I can't be like hey that's weird and makes me uncomfortable as it's her house. Thanks for replying by the way it's been good getting this off my chest.

Strange family you married into

I would find that strange and uncomfortable. But it sounds like she's looking at photos of your partner's ex as well as his brother's ex, so it doesn't sound like it's personal against you. She clearly is still attached to her son's ex's for some reason?

What do the brothers say? Are they ok with her having their ex's photos around? Does she talk about the ex's or just look at their photos? Do the brothers talk about their ex's? All very strange.

That's the thing they never mention her and the gf of one the other brothers didn't seem bothered by the portrait she did which makes me get annoyed that I can't be the same way.
I think if she did one of his ex I'd be like I have to move out now because there's only so much I can put up with. I used to get cosmetic procedures which I've stopped doing and my body image is a lot better but this just triggers me. I'm only 24 baby on the way got my whole life ahead of me and getting upset over pictures. Thanks for listening to me. I'm hoping it's just the hormones that have made this a big deal again.

You shouldn't be living in that house.

Move out. Why are you living there???

How long was your DP with his ex for and how long have you been together? If he was with the ex for years and she was an established part of the family/the mother is still close with her, I can understand why she may still appear as part of a family slideshow on the computer, same goes for looking at her instagram.

Firstly you need to move as soon as you can (I know that's much easier said than done) what plans have you got for getting your own place when the baby comes along? Is it something that is possible for you ?

Secondly I would have an honest conversation with your fiancee, say exactly how you are feeling, presumably he knows about your confidence issues? Then he should be doing everything he can to make you feel good. Having pictures of an X lying around would not be good for anyone.
His Mum sounds odd, but it's really up to your boyfriend to speak to her and get her to be more sensitive (most people would realise it is rude to have pictures of X around) and to be more welcoming to you and make you feel part of the family.

I think some of the things you mention such as her wondering what grandchildren with X would have looks like is your insecurity speaking - so I think it's important to sort out what you think is unreasonable actual behaviour on her part ( having pictures all over the place ditto your Fiance having pictures, you not being made welcome) and address those.
But not wander into the realms of what you think they are thinking because of your confidence problems. That way they won't be able to dismiss everything as you being insecure.

Ultimately you are the person your fiance want to be with, wants to have a family with, that is what you need to focus on.
But I think you will definitely feel better once you can move out, being in someone else's house long term is always difficult.

Just a suggestion - if it's about using images for art there'll be nothing in it that's emotional attachment to the people, and I suggest you might tell her it upsets you and why and she might - I would hope - be sympathetic and sorry that it gets to you like that. I'm a writer and I keep all sorts of weird things around me as inspirations to work, and if I was, for instance, writing a character I was basing on someone I used to know I'd have their picture up to help with the work and it wouldn't occur to me that it was anything other than that, let alone that anyone might be upset by it. then if I found that it upset someone I'd be sorry and I'd want to somehow help that person not to be upset by it, and in the situation you've described I'd probably stop working with that image, if I could easily move on to other work. I hope that both helps and makes sense. Creative work is weird, I think, for people who don't do it, and artists/writers can have what look from the outside like weird habits.

Hey that was really well put. We've been together two years they were together a year and a half. I moved out of my place as I've never had a family and everyone thought it be good for me. They've been really nice in giving us one side of the house. Building a kitchen got our living room and bedroom. The plan was stay her till we've saved up enough for a house. We have a bit saved up and my partner runs a successful business so we really could move but I don't think he wants to. I had a place from the council as I'm a care leaver I left care at 16 and after a few years had a nice flat. I have no means of moving out on my own right now. I saved up a bit from part time work but not enough to go back to how it was before.

I don't want this to effect my relationship with my partner he's done so much for me I think I just need to grin and bare it and stick to the original plan. Have the baby here after a year move. I'm being irrational and I think next time I see stuff I'll just try and tell his mum how that makes me feel. They've been really welcoming and generous and be a shame to just ruin everything because of the attachment she has with his ex.

I think my emotions are getting the better of me I'll bring it up with my partner again and hope he understands without getting defensive.

I'm having a baby need to focus on that.

Thanks everyone for being helpful. X

Aw, you sound like you're doing great, and they sound nice, really.
Just remember - artists ARE weird. Try not to take it personally. And yes, focus on your baby, for which, congratulations!

Thank you X