AIBU.. Terror attacks and holiday...

[Emlou07]

I'll start by saying that I have major general anxiety.

We're looking into holidays for next year. It'll be myself, my other half, our friend and our two little ones who will be very nearly 3 and 4.5 at the time.

We were originally talking about just staying in this country again as we did this year. 2 weeks in Wales or Scotland. But my other half has found a villa in France for less money than a cottage in this country. I can't deny that it would be amazing, it's crazy for the money and it'll be a new experience for us as I've never left the country before and neither has our friend or my children.

My worries are terror related. I know they say you're more likely to be hit by a car than to be caught up in a terror attack. But I can't shift the thought of us going, being in a country we don't know, a language that we don't speak (although I will spend the next 6 months trying to teach myself) and just all the 'what ifs' - Wales or Scotland seem a safer bet than somewhere abroad...

AIBU to consider turning it down due to my own anxiety? I worry that if we do go, then my own issues will put a downer on it for everyone else

The greatest danger is the car journey if that is how you get there. The terror attacks have all been in cities, and the chances are very remote.

I have GAD too, including about terrorism and travel.

If you make your world smaller and don’t do things, it’ll likely make the anxiety even worse.

Your anxiety is crippling you. It is not healthy nor rational to be so worried about travelling to a perfectly safe country.

Please speak to your GP/ a therapist.

Don’t let anxiety dictate your life.

Ok you turn it down because of your anxiety and then what? There will be more terror attacks, so it's not suddenly going to get safer here in the world. Will you stay home every year, for always? What happens if your dd gets the chance of a school trip to London, or Paris one day? How can you send her if you dare not go yourself ? Are you going to avoid all major cities in the UK just in case?

Lots of good reasons to holiday in Scotland or Wales. Irrational fears of terrorism are not among them though. I suggest you confront your fears before they get worse.

@zoewashburn

I'm already on meds and I'm 10x better than I was at the start of the year!

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Everyone always says to me, 'Don't let them win, they want you to not go to these places etc'

And my thoughts are always, yes.. but why put yourself somewhere that could be targeted (We're near London and used to spend a lot of time there until around 4 years ago. I even got engaged at the top of the London eye.. now I'm too scared!)

I hate that this is the world we live in

The anxiety is the problem, not the world. Other risks of all kinds are far, far higher.

I think a terror attack near a villa in France is as unlikely as one in rural Scotland or Wales. Many French people speak excellent English so you would be okay in case of an emergency.

The world we live in seems increasingly full of terror but if you compare it to Viking times when some Danes might well come in and overrun your whole village one day you can see that it hasn’t really got worse (except for the absolute pointless hatred behind ISIS which I agree is a very disturbing rhetoric). Life is much safer than in was in the days where there were no survival for mothers who had C sections, where there was smallpox, or where your children would be working at a carpet factory from aged 6.

(Well this helps me with my anxiety anyway).

Well I'm off to Egypt tomorrow! Yes, I am mildly anxious about terror attacks but gonna try to have a great time. (which I'm sure we will). You have to live your life!!

You would be safer in a villa in rural France than you would be in Edinburgh for example. Assuming that you are going to drive all the way I don't see any terror risk.

Nothing to do with "letting them win". They don't know or care where you go on holiday and they aren't winning because plenty of people are still quite happy to travel.

The reality though is you get 1 life - and no matter what you do and where you go, you have no idea how long it will be. So my advice to you is live a little.

If the language thing is bothering you that much, look for a travel insurance policy that includes access to a 24 hour translation service for emergencies - our old policy had it, so they do exist.

Where in France is it? You are unlikely to get caught up in a terror attack out in the countryside.
The major cities and tourist attractions have massively increased their security on the continent.
You really don't need that much french for a couple of weeks in France. The names of basic food items, please, thank you, etc.
Road signs have the same symbols as here. Parking meters have diagrams.
In popular and urban areas English will be spoken. If you are unlucky enough to have any issues ( which is highly unlikely), someone at the police station will.speak English.
Tourist information, most restaurants etc.they will understand English.
Learn a bit of the language if it will make you feel less anxious, but really, you will manage.
With a villa, you just go to a supermarket and pick up what you fancy.
It sounds lovely and depending which area you go, you are pretty much guaranteed better weather than here!

You can learn basic French with a phrasebook, keep it handy.

As others point out, the odds are tiny. You are more likely to win that lottery jackpot. Drive carefully.

As someone with anxiety, on the one hand I'd say you need to address it, widen your comfort zone, live life and experience new things etc.

But on the other hand, a holiday is specifically meant to be relaxing. If you are spending it 'pushing your boundaries' and 'dealing with your anxiety' then it's hardly going to be.

Don't also get sucked into thinking you have to go abroad for excitement. I'm a massive nature lover and TBH enjoyed my trip to rural Scotland more than a massively expensive trip to Vegas where I barely saw a living creature other than a rat!

Whilst you can't let yourself be controlled by your anxiety, you know what feels right for you.

I was in Brussels at the weekend. Armed military everywhere especially as it's getting busier with tourists over Christmas. I had a wonderful time and felt safe.

A villa in France I really wouldn't worry about!

EMLou if the villa is in a less densely populated area you will probably be fine.

I'm with you on the anxiety thing though, there are certain places in the world I will now not go to - major French cities being some of them.

Do what you feel is right for you.

Ok I’m going to be blunt here. You are more likely to die on the way to your holiday by non-terrorist causes than by getting involved in a terror attack when you’re there. Also, one of the safest places to have a holiday in the world is Tel Aviv and you know all about the political situation there!

Also once you get here, and see millions of people just living their lives, you'll forget all about it. My dd has a school trip planned to London. You'd think she was going to Mosul the way the school are carrying on about security.

OP I am with you! I HATE travelling to London for work as I’m convinced I’m going to get caught up in a terror attack, however, they have mainly been large cities. I doubt the place in France is in the city given that it’s a villa so I think you would be good!
I’m glad you have sought help, I haven’t got help for mine and I know I really should!
As others have said, your world will become very small if you stop going places. It’s also playing right into terrorists hands as their aim is to make people fearful

but why put yourself somewhere that could be targeted

Why do you think a villa in France is likely to be targeted?

I worked in London at the height of the IRA campaign. Like most others, still here. And there was a lot of disruption.

A terror attack in London or Paris is more likely, yes, but the police there are trained and armed and respond within minutes. A terror attack in the French or English Countryside, however, would be far worse as the police there aren’t armed and sometimes not even trained in how to deal with it - remember in Manchester many victims died because the paramedics weren’t permitted to go to them in time (only a small portion of the forces were trained). That situation never happened in London or Paris. Even when things went wrong (London Bridge, Borough Market etc) the police response time was 5 - 8 minutes and the paramedics were there within 10.

yabu but I think you know that or you wouldnt have posted. your kids will enjoy france and London and places like that. do it for them if you can't do it for yourself. have a lovely holiday with plenty of to help you relax xx

I totally understand your anxiety - I absolutely HATE flying, though not for terror-related reasons specifically - but you can't deny your children foreign holidays as a result. You really can't.

Go and get some therapy and address your concerns, look up the villa on street view, and go to France. Bonnes vacances!

Terror attacks are completely random - you could be sitting in your holiday house in Scotland and a plane could fall out of the sky and land on you. I actually live in Paris - just round the corner from the Bataclan in fact. My 16-year-old daughter puts things in perspective for me. A miss is as good as a mile - you can’t stop living your life. There will undoubtedly be more attacks, but no one can tell you where they will be. You can’t live your life cowering at home and neither can you expect your children to do so.