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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To break up with him?

16 replies

Skymum16 · 27/11/2017 13:36

Just need somewhere to have a rant so....sorry!
Me and my OH moved from a city that he loved 7 months ago, to be near my parents for childcare support (LO is nearly 2) - mutual decision but instigated by me. Since we moved he has been absolutely miserable and our relationship is pretty rubbish now. He sleeps all the time or just watches TV, doesn’t seem to want to spend time with us and I just feel so unhappy now. Sex life is non-existent! He works late but sometimes doesn’t come home until 2am and I don’t know where he goes. Plus I’m working full time and doing long shifts.
I can’t really picture spending the rest of my life with him now, I would just feel so terrible that he moved for us just to be dumped. What do I do? ☹️ I used to love him so much and now I just feel like I can do so much better. We hardly even talk now so I don’t know what’s going on in his head.
AIBU to want to end it, even though it was my decision that’s made him so shit and miserable? I love him and don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t think I’m IN love with him anymore.

OP posts:

Heckneck · 27/11/2017 13:38

If you're both this miserable then make arrangements to leave. You'll feel like a weight is lifted. Hope you make the right decision for you. Life's too short to be in a poor relationship

Trinity66 · 27/11/2017 13:39

That sounds awful :( Maybe you should sit down and tell him exactly what you are thinking and see what he says? Maybe try counselling but if he's not interested in engaging with you alteast then I'd break up with him, you can't live like that, it's not good for any of you, your kid included

Wellthatwasembarassing · 27/11/2017 13:41

ITs not just your fault it sounds like he should not even making an effort to make the relationship work.
He might be depressed but you mention not knowing where he is until 2am.. obviously he knows you might assume he’s cheating or something and he’s being so brazen about it.
Leave him.
Make yourself and your LO happy. Don’t worry about a man who can’t handle moving for the sake of his family and treats you like you’re only worth something in the city he wants to live in. You can do better!!

BaronessBomburst · 27/11/2017 13:47

He moved away from somewhere he loved and was settled, to be nearer your parents, he sounds depressed and miserable, and so you're going to dump him.
Nice.
Have you tried talking to him?
How far did you move? Has he had to change jobs? Does he see his friends?

munkynutts · 27/11/2017 13:51

Where did you move to? A smaller town? Maybe he's missing the city life he loved? His friends? Maybe hes feeling like hes a nobody now whilst you have all the people and setting you need. What do you reckon?

Original poster

Skymum16 · 27/11/2017 13:55

I’ve tried, he never opens up to me, I’ve tried to make an effort to do fun stuff together but apparently ‘nothing you do helps’. He sees his friends but a lot of them are a bit dodgy..... we’ve both had to change jobs, and we moved a 3 hour drive from where we were

OP posts:

Heckneck · 27/11/2017 14:08

Definitely sit down. Suggest counselling for you both? Tell him things need to change.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2017 14:22

I was going to say he sounds like he might be depressed. Then I got to the 2am thing. Where does he say he is till 2am. You must ask, surely

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/11/2017 14:24

Was he blissfully happy before you moved? Because such a massive change would be worrying for me.

Original poster

Skymum16 · 27/11/2017 14:39

I wouldn’t say blissfully happy....we didn’t see each other much because of work, never went out because of lack of child support, and we argued a lot

OP posts:

ICanNeverThinkOfAGoodUsrname · 27/11/2017 14:40

You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel, see if that'll help him open up. It does sound though that he's depressed.

Trinity66 · 27/11/2017 14:42

Skymum16

Well if he won't talk to you about it then I don't know what else you can do but leave. I'm all for working on relationships etc but it has to be the two of you in it not just you. You can't make things better on your own

Itsonkyme · 27/11/2017 14:44

Sorry but after reading that last post, it sounds as though it was pretty rocky before you even made this move.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/11/2017 15:01

Sounds like it wasn't working before. You have ended up with a better situation because of moving. By all means break up but I would take into account his situation when looking at things like travelling to see your child.

FGSholdthedoor · 27/11/2017 15:04

What @BitOutOfPractice said. Where does he say he is until 2am?

TheHodgeHeg · 27/11/2017 15:39

From your last post it sounds like it wasn't working anyway and the move may be the final nail in the coffin.

Your first post gives the impression his changed demeanor correlates with your move though in which case I'd say you were being unreasonable to drop him because he's struggling with that. Yes you've both had to move jobs but it sounds like he's given up more for this move than you have. Be kind to him.

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