AIBU to think if you want marital rights then you should get married?

[KitKat1985]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42134722

According to this BBC article, 2/3rds of cohabiting couples wrongly believe 'common-law marriage' laws exist when dividing up finances, and there are calls now to introduce some form of legal financial protection for 'common-law marriages'. AIBU to not get this? Surely if people choose not to get married (or have a civil partnership for same sex couples) then they do so knowing that they don't have the same legal protection as married couples. It was one of the reasons me and DH decided to get married after co-habiting for a couple of years. Surely if you choose not to take on the legal and financial commitments of getting married, then you can't expect to have the same rights if you break up / your partner passes away? And surely for some couples the whole reason they don't want to get married is so they can just walk away from things if the relationship fails, without having to have the legal and financial complications involved in getting divorced? Is it really fair to then force those people to have to support their partner if they break up even if they actively choose never to make that commitment in the first place?

No, I won’t just get married.

Why should I? Why should I attain a status I do not want, and make vows I do not want to make, do not feel I can make, and do not mean, in order to protect myself from financial ruin in later life, or in order to protect my children from financial vulnerability? Why am I forced into that choice? Why is there not an easily available document I can sign making me an equal legal pattern on a valid financial footing with someone else, that does not require me to declare I am a wife, with all the historical baggage that comes with that, with all the association of partnership for life? Why can’t I accept a partnership for now, and be protected, acknowledging that people don’t always stay together for life? Why has the world not moved on into blended families with multiple generations and step families, with good quality documents easily signed and sent off to offer opt-in protection for family units?

"Yanbu to think if you want marital rights you should get married, rather than changing the law to make them automatic and fuck over other people because you're too precious"

Sorry? If you want to get married then go for it. Why does someone else not being married but still having legal protection "fuck you over"?

paperandpaint fair point. But also doesn't that boil don't to what sort of behaviour you are willing to accept in a relationship? Or a point for a range of different consensual legal contracts to give more options to couples?

I agree that people should have to make the conscious choice of getting married to have the legal link between adults. BUT - as soon as there are children involved, I think parents should be held accountable to support them. One parent shouldn't be able to feel like they've had enough, split up, and expect to pay minimal or even no maintenance. Becoming a parent should come with an iron-cast duty to care for and support those kids.

If an adult decides to cohabit and be a SAHP then it's on them if it all goes tits-up, but it isn't right that kids can also be abandoned.

And here's an oddity. One of the grounds for nullity of a traditional marriage is that at the time of the ceremony "the respondent was pregnant by some person other than the petitioners".

And that's been carried over into c.p. and same-sex marriage.

Now call me naive: but it seems to me that the whole clause is absurd when applied to men, and that when it is applied to women the last seven words are unnecessary. Someone was asleep at the wheel when that was drafted!

"I agree that people should have to make the conscious choice of getting married to have the legal link between adults"

Why?

genever The ceremony now costs £46.00 - inflation and all that!

I'm straight and DP and I want a civil partnership, because marriage as a concept doesn't mean anything to either of us, but we would like the legal protections it affords other people.

Purpletraitor has it spot on!

From my own experience, it is vitally important that you marry if you have children. Had my now ex-husband and I not been married, I would have found myself in nothing short of a disasterous situation. The law offers protection to you as a married couple. It's not OK in my view, the law should extend to all co-habiting couples with children. However, people truly ARE that naive, I've come across it many times, particularly the "common law" thing. It simply doesn't exist. If you choose not to marry, then at the very least make sure you have regularly updated wills and a legal agreement drawn up via solicitor.

Sorry genever - I'm glad you got a cut price deal but it sounds a bit like a special offer on a big box of Persil

My thick as shit SIL and her partner believe that they both have common-law rights, I've given up telling them that they are wrong. They live together and they now have a child, they also have no intention of marrying.

RhiannonOHara I agree that civil partnership would be reasonable to offer because of the connotations given to marriage that some don't like. But for now would it be a huge issue to just go the registry office and get a marriage done? Its my understanding legally they are the same in terms of obligation. Marriage and civil partnership are more a matter of branding rather than being different? Or are they different?

"From my own experience, it is vitally important that you marry if you have children. "
No it isn't. It's vitally important that you protect the interests of your children. That does not have to mean getting married.

I completely agree, especially now that we have equal marriage. If you want married rights then you need to get married! It doesn't have to be expensive ceremony. A simple registry office ceremony will suffice as long as you do the legal stuff!

Sorry? If you want to get married then go for it. Why does someone else not being married but still having legal protection "fuck you over"?

Not me personally.

But there are people who have deliberately chosen not to marry because they don't want the legal implications. Eg if they have a home they want to leave to their children without their partner having a claim. If cohabiting couples automatically acquire the rights and responsibilities of married couples whether they want them or not, which is what some people advocate for, that's fucking them over. It would have to be some kind of opt in system in order to avoid this problem, but there are people who want it to happen automatically.

How many people does this apply to, who can't scrape together £108 but would still be adversely affected by their partner's assets going to someone else?

£108 is also less than you'd generally pay for mirror wills...

A lot of people do believe in 'common law husband/wife' - and will not listen when you tell them otherwise.
The protection is there, legally, morally, financially, emotionally, what ever other -ally you want. Get married- get the protection. Don't and don't.
I have a friend who is recently bereaved and is very angry she cannot get widows allowance, she isn't a widow... she was a girlfriend whose boyfriend died. I wouldn't expect to get a discount for being in the armed forces, because I own an army uniform. It's not the same.

According to this BBC article, 2/3rds of cohabiting couples wrongly believe 'common-law marriage' laws exist when dividing up finances,

I'm struggling to believe that at this point. Thirty years ago, maybe, but not now.

I think maybe it suits some people at the point of a split to convince themselves they think that.

"If you want married rights then you need to get married! "

Why?

Maybe just throwing it out there all though this sounds a bit old fashioned. What about tying down the legal obligations by getting married before having kids? Basically putting down the legal framework as a foundation of family planning? (obviously I know this is not always possible as not pregnancies are planned).