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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DS's PS4 back?

32 replies

PSNah · 27/11/2017 08:31

D'S is turning 13.

His dad had a PS4 at his house so D'S wanted the new battlefront game for his birthday. The game is £50 (!!) And I saw a bundle with that game, 2 other games and a PS4 for just £199 (a lot but a bargain really)

So as it's a big birthday I decided to get him the bundle as a surprise.

Now I'm torn.

This morning at 7.55 (he leaves at 8) he tells me he's left his planner at his dads.
Then he tells me that he has Food Tech and he is supposed to choose something to make and bring in his own ingredients.

With 5 mins to leave the house.

Then it transpires that this is the 2nd time Food Tech have done this and he didn't bring anything in the first time.

I'm really annoyed.

We had this with a geography project last term.

The kicker is that if he would tell me I would happily sit and choose a recipe, print it. Get the ingredients.
Or help him with any home projects.

He has no organisational skills at all.

Now the flip side is he is a very clever boy who is top of his class in most subjects. He is a library assistant. He gets awards every term for reading the most books in his year. He gets glowing reports apart from his homework and organisational skills.

I feel this is partly my fault. For not nagging him more and checking up on him.

So what do you think?

Should he be allowed a PS4 in his room?

Or should he not?

OP posts:
nuttyknitter · 27/11/2017 08:36

At 13 he needs help, not punishment. There may be consequences at school for his lack of planning, which is fine and relevant, but taking stuff away isn't going to teach him anything.

Cakefortea1 · 27/11/2017 08:38

I have no idea why forgetting a couple of things at school has any baring in having a PS4? He is a 13 year old boy!! They forget, even if he is top of the class!!

Original poster
PSNah · 27/11/2017 08:38

He doesn't know he has it.

So it's not a punishment.

I will get him other presents.

I just don't know if he needs another distraction right now.

And he's at his dad's weekends so he will want to play it weekdays.

OP posts:
Original poster
PSNah · 27/11/2017 08:39

Like I said it's the fact he doesn't pay attention to anything but his phone at home already. If I give him the PS4 I think all his attention will be on that.

OP posts:
sagamartha · 27/11/2017 08:40

He probably needs help with organisational skills - and developing a sense of responsibility.

Some children do have issues with organisational skills - and school will punish them if they forget. Maybe it will prompt him - along with a few reminders from you and his Dad?

DivisionBelle · 27/11/2017 08:41

I don’t see the connection.

But I would prepare to manage his use of it, and pay close attention to getting him to manage his school stuff.

His scariness is normal, IME. And goes on until 16. At least.

DivisionBelle · 27/11/2017 08:42

Scattiness not scariness Grin

jaseyraex · 27/11/2017 08:43

I wouldn't stop him having the PS4 for the sake of being a bit forgetful, or for purely being a typical teenager! When he gets the PS4 make it clear that after school he does homework, tells you about any projects etc and only then he can go off and play it. If he's playing online and he doesn't cooperate, turn the Wi-Fi off. He'll get his projects done in no time.

Basecamp21 · 27/11/2017 08:44

HE is a good boy, top of us class glowing reports ..... sorry I am struggling to see the problem.
So he isn't perfect - no-one is, neither is you or me.

I would back off - leave him to face the consequences of being slightly disorganised so he can learn for himself.

Sounds like a complete mountain out of a molehill to me.

1Vandal · 27/11/2017 08:46

I would check to make sure his dad hadn't bought the game for him already

Alittlepotofrosie · 27/11/2017 08:47

*The kicker is that if he would tell me I would happily sit and choose a recipe, print it. Get the ingredients.
Or help him with any home projects.

He has no organisational skills at all.*

You seriously cant see the irony here? You, as his parent would be happy to do his homework for him and yet you can't see why he has no organisational skills? Maybe you should let him take responsibility for himself once in a while.

budgiegirl · 27/11/2017 08:49

I’d still let him have the PS4, but limit his time on it.

Let him take the consequences of not being organised that the school will decide on.

In future, try to help him get organised, planner in the fridge, or asking him what he needs for the next day.

user789653241 · 27/11/2017 08:50

Well, can you not keep ps4 in the living room, not in his bed room instead, if you think he will be too distracted?
Organization skills and having ps4 is totally different matter.

Original poster
PSNah · 27/11/2017 08:53

I didn't mean I would do it for him. I never do his homework for him.

What I mean is he would have support and he could really do the best work with support if he just got his shit together.

I guess it's unconnected but I just worry he is going to neglect his homework further in favour of playing on the console.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 27/11/2017 08:57

Do not allow the PS4 in his room. Have it in a room where you can see exactly how much time he is spending on it.

MsJolly · 27/11/2017 08:59

Help him to organise himself-maybe get a white board/black board for him to write stuff in as soon as it's set?
Yes to the PS4 but not in bedroom and strict time limits

Stoptherideiwannagetoff · 27/11/2017 08:59

I feel your pain but punishment like taking away the console won't work - it will just make him resentful and difficult. My 14 yos brains are in his backside, literally had to remind him to eat and drink at some points, he remembers bugger all - letters, homework, appointments, messages, bowls go in the sink... let the school deal with the discipline then back them up with "It's your own fault" when he moans about detention

MojoMoon · 27/11/2017 08:59

Don't put it in his bedroom

Tell him he can play it for one hour if he hasn't done his homework/school organisation and then it is unplugged for the rest of the evening. No playing on it later.
but if he has already done his homework, he can play it for two hours/three hours/whatever

Therefore he has an incentive to come home, get homework/pack bag for next day done straight away and then is free to play for longer.

It might help him develop some delayed gratification skills!

Be really clear and consistent on enforcing the rules.

But definitely having it in his room is a bad idea.

ItsHuge · 27/11/2017 09:03

If he has the PS4 then he should have some restrictions to using it regardless of anything else.

As for his forgetfulness that's a separate issue. I had a really forgetful child who was well behaved and hardworking but incapable of organising anything. I left him to it and he would get into trouble or miss out on things at school. By the time he was 17/18 he was ok and now, as a young adult, I'd say he has no trouble at all with remembering things and organisation. He has slowly learnt by his mistakes.

I never nagged him about it and I didn't pick up the pieces...

Thebluedog · 27/11/2017 09:04

I’d still let him have it. But I might start to put more boundaries around it. Time spent on it, he’s not allowed on it Sunday until all his homework, stuff for school is done.

Sounds a bit harsh not to let him have it.

cantfindname · 27/11/2017 09:04

He's 13. That is the answer to it all.

He doesn't mean to be a forgetful PITA but his 13 year old hormones make him that way.

You won't achieve anything by returning his gift except resentment from him and a certain knowledge that you have been a bit mean.

Ask him, every flipping night, what he needs for school the next day and has he got any information that needs to be passed to you. In a way you need to train him to think about things, he will take forever to work it out on his own. No need to nag, just make a habit of asking before he is distracted by something else.

OliviaBenson · 27/11/2017 09:06

What's your relationship like with his dad? If he's there every weekend surely the onus is on his dad re homework/ prep for food tech. Could you get him on board?

FlouncyDoves · 27/11/2017 09:07

As Battlefront is rated 16 YWBU to buy it for a 13 yr old.

becotide · 27/11/2017 09:09

YABU he's 13, not 30. He needs careful nagging to remain organised, and constant checking to ensure he doesn't fob you off.

A conversation with teens in my house frequently goes

"Have you packed your PE kit>?"
"YEEEESSSSuh!"
"Show me"
"er ... oh wait, no."

GeekLove · 27/11/2017 09:11

I wouldn't have a console with Internet access in a school age bedroom. Also avoid Battlefront 2 like the plague. It is a DRM loot crate ridden gambling simulator. Don't think that just because you've spent £60 on the game that you have a full game.