To think my parents should have gone out more?

[malificent7]

My dad dosnt understand why i would want to go out now im a parent. In his words 'we never went out.'
Trouble is my late mum and him would have been so much happier if they did have date nights. Their marriage was strained as they never had time for just them.
If they had a regular date night we would have been happier as they would have been happier.
my dad will sit now and again but ge dosnt get it.

Are you asking him to babysit? It might just be an excuse as he doesn't want to, which is his right.

Totally agree. My parents were exactly the same, once they had children they never went out. They think that children should always have a parent with them (i.e. No childcare of any sort should be used) but I definitely feel the resentment they felt at giving up lives and careers for us. It is always commented on and I feel my mum especially would have been a lot happier back at work.

I'm pregnant now and they can't understand me planning on going back to work full time or us planning on using babysitters.

I agree, my parents never went anywhere alone together once they had kids. Family was far away, my dad worked all hours, money was tight. I never had a babysitter.

But I also agree he may just be using it as an excuse not to babysit (which is fine, it's his choice whether to help out or not)

I have this discussion with my parents on a regular basis. All they do now is sit and watch telly. They are far older than their years and should be off enjoying retirement. I know my mum is bored shitless

Your mum's do not need a man to be able to go out, if they want to do something, go out and do it, it's likely going out with different people than they see every day would be even more fun.

Going out on "date nights" is something lots of people don't want to do, it's not a requirement a happy marriage, many people find it forced, expensive or otherwise pointless.

Certainly sounds like he just doesn't want to baby sit - or at least doesn't want to offer to baby sit if you're only hinting at it, in which case just ask.

People can enjoy themselves in different ways. One person's going up is another's relaxing at home. Personally, I like a bit of a mixture.

Going out too often exhausts me and it can make me feel all I do is 'consume'. Spending money, eating out, drinking out, being entertained.

However I do like to get out there occasionally to see people and places! Although I like being at home. I like the home and garden we've built up over the years. There is plenty to see and do there.

You are right....he really dosnt want to sit. He will do now and again though...bless him.

I do find it a bit odd though as once i get dd to sleep and go out, he also sleeps....which means he gets to sleep on a babysitting shift. Dd is 9 abd a good sleeper.

YABU as your parents' relationship is their business and they most likely did what they wanted and what made them happy. Why would you even worry about that -- you can't live others' lives for them. Take care not to interfere if your child doesn't go on date nights with their spouse in the future as they will not appreciate it.

We have one DC and another on the way, and we don't really go out without DC - we have no childcare (live rurally, no baby sitters or family) but we get on very well as a family thank you.
All families are different, don't apply your standards to others. We have no bitterness towards our DC over 'giving up or lives' and I think the idea of a 'date night' is tacky and for people who are struggling.

I think date nights are for people who just want some time together as a couple rather than beung interrupted by kids.
dp and i are very happy...and we love sate nights so we dont get interrupted mid shag, late night film, sentence etc. Its great to have a break frim parenting.
My mum and dad struggled loads and never had date nights. Mum would have loved a break now and again.
My parents marriage was kind of my business as the bad atmosphere affected me.

Date nights etc..
i do resoect their decision and yes...its because he dosnt want to sit. Cant say i blame him tbh!!

The point is...i dont think staying in did make them happy at all.

My parents went out all the time and I used to hate having babysitters and wished they wouldn't. Swings and roundabouts!

Mine too. Except I was the babysitter. Significant age gap. Problematic if my sibling and I were arguing. Although we both usually quite responsible.

My grandmother insisted that she babysit me when I was small so that my DPs could go out once a week. She felt that the inability for her and my grandfather to go out when my mother and her siblings were young directly contributed to the break up of their marriage.